why do girls like jerks

[Mun]

This is kind of misleading.

 

I don't think a girl wakes up one day and says to herself " Gee I think I want to date a jerk... yea that sound like ALOT of fun" No no no.. it doesn't happen this way.

 

The thing is that most guys start out nice, they call when they say they will call, open doors, pay for dates and treat you well.. then at some point they might realize they don't want a relationship after all or they make bad choices and : don't know how to break it off without hurting the girl sooo.. they stop calling...move on and find another girl ( without telling their gf anything)...stop taking her calls and start ignoring her.. .. or some realize after a long relationship that this isn't "the one" and they break up with her...it can be any number of things and then they get labeled a "jerk." He was a nice guy, he just didn't know how to handle his relationship/ or break up.

 

The problem is that the only thing the next guy hears is " my ex was such a jerk" and he mistakenly thinks to himself.. ok ALL girls like jerks.

 

I wonder--if a girl calls you a jerk because you didn't make good choices and you hurt her, would you say she is right?

[smoothsteve]

The one thing most people don't seem to grasp, no matter how obvious it is to others is that you do not choose who you are attracted to. A girl doesn't think oh he's nice, he treats girls nice, i'm going to start being attracted to him. In the same way they don't think, that guy is a complete jerk, he's mean to girls and treats them badly, i'm not going to be attracted to them.

 

It is impossible to completely explain why girls like jerks, because it jsut comes naturally to them, they can't help it, but heres my take on it:

 

Girls are not attracted to the fact that the jerk treats tham badly, they are attracted to the part of him that acts like a man, the part thats not going to go out of his way to please the women.

 

You don't need to treat women badly for them to like you, just act more like a man. Don't do everything she asks you to do, tease her, don't be clingy and don't pin all your hopes of romance on one women. If one doens't work out, move on. Like others have said, the most important part is confidence, women are attracted to confidence, so do what you can to become more confident, it will help you a lot.

 

Steve

[Habibti Inti]

Because they take charge

[Outlaw2747]

That is ridiculous because nice guys can take charge too. I don't know how many times I have to say this but NOT ALL NICE GUYS ARE SHY AND INSECURE AND BRITTLE! I mean geez! If girls (and not all of y'all) keep assuming that the nice guy who sits next to you is a needy, whiny, weak person then how in the heck do you expect to get what you supposedly want if you keep going for these pushy, snooby, overconfident guys? I mean come on! Can we please get the idea out of our head that a nice guy is a weak-willed person? Maybe if we get that overrated stereotype out of our heads, maybe some of the guys in this forum would not be complaining in the first place. And I will admit, I used to be that insecure, defensless guy until I realized I cannot be putting girls on a pedestal all the time. And I know PLENTY of nice guys who would take charge and put their foot down if something isn't right....believe me. That wimpy, nice guy theory has to be killed somehow, someway.

[OceanEyes]

I don't know how many times I have to say this but NOT ALL NICE GUYS ARE SHY AND INSECURE AND BRITTLE! I mean geez! If girls (and not all of y'all) keep assuming that the nice guy who sits next to you is a needy, whiny, weak person then how in the heck do you expect to get what you supposedly want if you keep going for these pushy, snooby, overconfident guys? I mean come on! Can we please get the idea out of our head that a nice guy is a weak-willed person?

 

I don't think that the general consensus among women here is that a "nice guy" is weak, needy and whiny.

 

Some women do like jerks. It's that simple. Some women like to be with a man who maintains a high level of masculinity (and sometimes even a chauvanistic disposition). With men like this who are less 'in touch with their feminine side', the price to pay is having a boyfriend who will inevitably treat women like garbage from time to time. But, for some women, their attraction to a "man's man" overwhelms their need to be treated like a lady, and with respect and kindness. Some women simply need a boarish man who does and says what he wants. It makes them feel protected and like they have a challenge on their hands.

 

Some guys tend to lose their edge when they fall in love. I remember my boyfriend saying when we first started dating, "I feel like you're turning me into a girl sometimes!" because when we would argue, it would touch sensitive nerves that I don't think he even knew he had. Relationships and love change some men, and some women don't like that.

[webjedi]

"JERK" translates into confidence. Simply put.

 

Jerks are also not clingy, or smothering, or overly needy.

 

Consider this in your next relationship. You don't have to be a jerk, just take the jerk's "attractive qualities".

[Outlaw2747]

I like that advice, sounds good to me. But one thing I would like to know, what is up with this "challenge" junk I keep seeing around here? I mean, most girls make it seem like they want a nice n easy relationship as long as there is some fun in it yet they go and take this..."challenge" and get nothing out of it but sadness, hate, anger, and all kinds of negative things. They bite off more than they can chew and complain about it, unless they just never cared in the first place.

[webjedi]

In a nutshell, everyone likes a challenge. That does not mean drama, anyone who sees challenge as adding (or even added) drama is going to ruin their relationship.

 

In every healthy relationship there needs to be challenge, remember the type of animal we are. We thrive on overcoming obsticles, building the tallest buildings, airplanes, you name it.

 

Challenge is healthy, and natural. Difficulties in a relationship are a sign of something wrong, not challenge.

[Outlaw2747]

True, but the challenge should be, "See if I can actually have a lasting relationship with this man." as opposed to, "Hmmm maybe I can turn this jerk into what I want." Us guys who are looking for a relationship take the same challenge, see how far we can get with the female of our interest. But do not worry ladies, becuase guys are guilty of going for women with no morals and trying to see if they can last with them, and the end result usually isn't a good one.

[bored]

when u say "nice guy" a girl usually sees that person as - easy, smotherin, attention needy, lack self confidence, boring, in general not respected by other guys. now i ask u why would a girl want someone like that?

[Kitz]

"JERK" translates into confidence. Simply put.

 

Jerks are also not clingy, or smothering, or overly needy.

 

Consider this in your next relationship. You don't have to be a jerk, just take the jerk's "attractive qualities".

 

Well said.

[skyteph]

"JERK" translates into confidence. Simply put.

 

Jerks are also not clingy, or smothering, or overly needy.

 

Consider this in your next relationship. You don't have to be a jerk, just take the jerk's "attractive qualities".

 

I agree.

[OceanEyes]

Oy. Why is there all of this dispute over what constitues a "jerk"? Guys, stop trying to analyze why women date men who seem to treat them like crap. Have you ever stopped to think that it might be you who is choosing the wrong types of women to pursue? There seems to be a lot of very negative attitudes from 'nice guys' because they seem to get passed over for the jerks. Why would you want to date a girl who doesn't want you in the first place? Try going with the flow and stay true to yourself, and someone suitable will eventually come along and love you for who you are - not leave you for who you're not.

[Outlaw2747]

Oceaneyes, always brings up a really good point. And it is a point I have taken notice upon. I used to go for the wrong girls, but nowadays, I seem to go for girls who are nice, but then all of a sudden turn evil on me. Scary thing is (depending on the girl) that you can never tell which ones are playing the good girl until it is too late.

 

Now that is a great question, why go for the type of girl who is all confused and don't have any idea what she wants in the first place? WHy go for a girl that has ZERO interest in you, yet wants a guy that will treat her like a rotting squid on the beach? I sure don't want a girl like that. He can be confused and dumbfounded elsewhere and if she don't want me, why dwell on it....that is just more useless drama. I could be putting more energy into finding a WORTHY female than some confused, stuck-up type girl. It is all about mental conservation, applying your mind to things that matter.

[PfcPotts]

This my friend is the age old question. I dont even think girls know why they like jerks. Just like how many licks does it take to get to the tootsieroll center of a tootsie roll pop, the world may never know. No, JK. From what I've heard the younger girls like to have drama in their relationships and when their bf quits treating them like crap for 5 minutes they really feel he loves them. They want a macho guy, IE jerk, usually. Dont worry though bro, you can be a manly man and not be a jerk, just have confidence, dont be afraid of anything and never give up who you are, a nice guy.

[chanceit]

Bascially i think even if your a 'nice guy' you need to have a bit of edge to your personality.

Some unpredictability - something to keep people guessing a bit.

Thats what women find attractive - if they know you're a safe bet wheres the excitment.

 

I find the same with women its not much fun if you don't have to work a

bit to get a date or anything even if they do obviously like you and you

like them (thats the best way really).

 

I don't know probably just me....

[Celadon]

I find the same with women its not much fun if you don't have to work a

bit to get a date or anything even if they do obviously like you and you

like them (thats the best way really).

 

I'd like to hear more about this! I see myself as a nice woman. When I like a guy, I'm sincere and honest about how I feel -- not obvious, but I give him some attention.

 

But yeah, sometimes I do feel like I have to play some sort of game like some women do or else I'll be written off. I don't like it, but I'll do it if it's part of flirting.... But how long does a guy expect a woman to play hard-to-get??

[DBL]

Ok I was one of those jerks before. I remember treating one x girlfriend like total crap, the more I treated her badly the more she wanted to be with me. I mean I hurt her feelings like on a daily basis. I am not proud of it like I once was, now I find it hard to believe I said the things I said.

 

I would say most if not all my x girlfriends and dates were attracted to me because I had a reputation of being mean. If you asked my close friends today they would say I "was" a terror in my early years. Some can't believe how quiet I become. Maybe some girls thought they could tame me, while others may have just enjoyed the excitement and troubles that came my way. I been with wild girls to quiet girls, even some girls that I never expected to like me. I remember one time at a party I met this girl and she had my photo in her purse. I never knew the girl before this night. She got it off a friend of hers that took a photo of me years prior. Through those years I never had to ask a girl out, they were just always around and always showed their interest. Now that I have calmed down a lot and became a nicer person, I don't have the selection like I used to. In fact I don't even get the same respect that I used to get.

 

I do believe nice guys do finish last and from what I read on here, there seems to be an abundance of nice guys around these forums, that seem to just get pushed aside.

 

DBL

[Shinobie]

Ya like girls always claim to like nice and sensitive guys BUT THEY DO NOT but there are good ones i know.They r just like ya!Let me become friends with you so i have you to console me when the big bad boyfriend strikes!O that is NICE!You guys make my world a greater place ty ty! make me o so happy.Do u want me to be a red doormat?Blue?green?What type of doormats r your favortie quiet?Rowdy?Just tell me i will be the best doormat you ever have had plus im ugly! So thats always a given.Like some waitress at my work who is 30 said that girls dont notice how many guys they let go by that were so great until they r going on into their 30's.Like she said she never did notice how many good guys she let go by.Now she is living with her mom with 2 kids that her ex doesnt pay a cent for NICE!!!!!!!

Sorry there is nothing im trying to offend women with by this next statement cause both genders have a lot of problems.Like so many of my male breatheren CANNOT get sex off their mind it pisses me off and pplus a lot of them are mean.But my comment is come on ladies(not all) PLZ keep the traidition by going out with the mean guys and passing by the ugly guys u use as doormats because that is o so wonderful! !

[xbox_modding_freak]

usually they go for jerks beecause they show their sexual desires were as a nice guy doesnt

 

in my school there is no such thing as a nice guy its "safe" or really kind and friendly but not shy in anyway, a mix is great show ure sexual desires but dont over do it

 

 

btw shinobie join the club seems the same wtich cursed us both

[chanceit]

I find the same with women its not much fun if you don't have to work a

bit to get a date or anything even if they do obviously like you and you

like them (thats the best way really).

 

I'd like to hear more about this! I see myself as a nice woman. When I like a guy, I'm sincere and honest about how I feel -- not obvious, but I give him some attention.

 

But yeah, sometimes I do feel like I have to play some sort of game like some women do or else I'll be written off. I don't like it, but I'll do it if it's part of flirting.... But how long does a guy expect a woman to play hard-to-get??

 

Its quite difficult to explain.

 

You don't really have to play games i think - but you don't want to look desperate or clingy - you need to be wanting the person you find attractive but not needing them.

 

This applies to both sexes i think.

 

i don't really want to be going out with someone where i am there whole life and they don't have their own life - its not healthy in a relationship for a start.

 

don't think i've really answered you question but its a difficult one!

 

---------------

 

The problem with nice guys is they let everyone treat them like doormats - you have to stand up for yourself to get what you want unfortunately you have to step on a few toes sometimes because not everyone has your best interests at heart, but you don't have to be a jerk to do that - the ideal is to not be passive or aggressive but assertive.

 

Treat people with respect but don't let them stand in the way of things that are important to you.

 

If you havn't seen the film Me, Myself and Irene with Jim Carrey in it you have to watch it because it deals with the whole nice guy / jerk thing - the message behind it is really good - plus its a really funny film!

[Celadon]

i don't really want to be going out with someone where i am there whole life and they don't have their own life - its not healthy in a relationship for a start.

 

don't think i've really answered you question but its a difficult one!

 

I think you're getting at it, chanceit. I tend to fall quickly for guys and can put others' needs before my own. But I guess that's scary for someone who isn't sure if he likes me. I don't think I "need" the guy, but I do tend to "give it my all" sooner rather than later.

 

Maybe it's a question of boundaries. Both men and women want to know that the other person is happy all by themselves - and it may take some "game-playing" (or whatever it's called) to show the guy/girl you're interested in that you're fine by yourself. What do you think?

[tonkatruck]

this, to me is just sick....

 

insincerity...

 

games...

 

dang, I should have been born a robot, it would be so much more 'fun'

 

it is sad how girls do go for bad guys. forget that they like certain qualities.... they seem to overlook that THEY ARE A BAD GUY...

 

...whatever... they do seem to figure it out by their 30s

 

-tonkatruck

[Lily04]

I don't know why girls would be attracted to that type of guy. Personally, jerks turn me off more than anything. However, I'm usually attracted to guys I can't have for whatever reasons. This may play a factor in the attraction..and may apply to this question as well. Is it really the 'jerk' quality (probably a large part of it) but maybe also the fact that they're acting cool, and like they don't need you, that's so hot? (I'm not attracted to these type of guys though.)

 

Anyways, just another thought on it..

[PrincessLinzay]

As a female, I can say that it's not necessarily jerks we're attracted to, but men who can hold their own. I do not like men that are needy or clingy in any way. I don't like a guy that can't debate with me, or put me in my place when Im being out line. Likewise, I like a guy that can handle being put in his place when he's being out of line.

 

The "nice" guys are the ones that treat you like a princess ALL THE TIME!! Even when you're crabby and being a pain in the behind. This is annoying. No one is constantly in a good mood, and god knows that sometimes even people you care about are pains in the rear, the nice guys act like we crap gold. There's no challenge there. The same way that men like the challenge and the chase, women do too.

 

Some women do indeed go for the jerks, but often it's misinterpreted. I can only speak for myself when I say I like a guy who can give it like he gets it. Makes him more desirable in my eyes.