Overweight........

[heavycrush]

Two months ago I met this woman online. We hit it off right away.She makes me laugh, we can have real conversations, she's very intelligent. In short, I am attracted to her. However, when we met, I found that she is on the heavy side. I know it may seem to some that this is offensive, but I am just not attracted to obesity. Sorry but I am not. But I really like this woman. I just cant get past her being obese. Its really holding up the relationship from going any further.

 

Most of her weight she put on in the last few years, after a horrible relationship ended. She is very self conscious of her weight.

 

I am an active healthy person. Eat right, exercise regularly etc. I would be more than willing to help her get in shape. But I even feel bad about thinking of changing her.

 

Do I talk to her about this, do I just call things off now before feelings get deeper. HELP!!!! What do I do?

[WishMistress]

I think that you have figured it out for yourself. You said quite openly that you are not attracted to her, so for the sake of her feelings you better stop this relationship now.

[shes2smart]

Yes, you either need to stop it or make it clear to her that you want nothing more than friendship. This may be difficult/painful in the short term, but will be kinder in the long run....particularly if you already know it cannot progress on your part.

 

We all value different things and find different things attractive. This is the way it is. If we could all learn to accept that and not take things so personally, you wouldn't have to phrase your question as if it was an apology for not being attracted to a particular body type.

 

What is, is what is. If you're not physically attracted to her, then you need to be honest about that....just be kind about it.

[YNP8112]

My EX girlfriend was like that. I'm a dietetics student and I'm all into nutrition and stuff and i'm very skinny and she was on the heavy set side and hated anything to do with nutrition and exercise. So if you are that guy she met online and left me for....good luck Just make sure you don't suggest going running together..........she never got over hating me for that for the last 2 years of our relationship.

[Celadon]

I think you should talk with her about it. Just explain how you feel about weight -- it's a stumbling block for you. You'd like to be with a fit person. She may want to change, but you should not suggest it. She'll get the message and decide for herself if she's even interested in you, given your feelings on weight. I think it would be helpful to bring the subject up.

[Cadence308]

I agree with what others have said. We do all value different things and you can't change this woman and make her suddenly value exercise and eating right. It's also not right for you to expect her to change because you desire her to look a different way. If you can get past the way she looks and accept her for who she is then progress in the relationship. If her sedentary lifestyle bothers you and it sounds like it does I would make it clear to her that you are only interested in friendship.

 

One thing you could do, instead of talking to her about her weight is asking her to go weight training or to the gym with you. You guys could also cook meals like dinner together and see if she would be open to adopting a healthier lifestyle. If she is willing to do that, then you may want to pursue something with her. That way you aren't coming out and telling her she's obese and you want her to do something about her weight or the relationship is off. Hope that helps!