Please!! Need help ASAP!! Deciding to Moving In Together!!

[cmirken]

Ok, tomorrow night my boyfriend of 7 months and I are having a conversation about moving in together. We've been talking about this for the last few months, knowing how much we love each other and that we, eventually, want to be engaged after living together for a year or so. Well, he has always lived at home (except for 1 year away at college) and now would be moving in to my home (which I own). I am concerned for him that he should live on his own for awhile before we move in so that he too gets that "sense of independance", but he won't do that for 2 years on his own, I know. Becuase he lives at his parents now, we basically live together anyways b/c he stays at my place 6 nights a week. So, this seemed like a logical and realistic next step for us. And, a realistic step for us to share a home together financially that we already share together realistically. But, will this scenario suffer b/c he hasn't lived on his own first?

[RayKay]

Hmm, depends. Personally, I have always felt it important that someone live on their own first - I have seen a few couples where one or both move straight out from home in together, and it does not work well as neither knows what they are really taking on. And sometimes, the partner that has not lived on their own might regret it and want to...but, it also really depends on the individual involved.

 

I think when you talk, you can tell him your concerns and see what happens from there. Even if he lives on his own for a year, and learns about the responsibility that comes with it, it could be good - and since you know you want to be together in the future, you have all the time in the world! 7 months is really soon, and living together is a huge step for most people, but as I said, it really really depends on your individual personalities. But I do think it is good you are looking at it realistically as well, and concerned about him learning that individual responsibility.

 

Good luck!

[cmirken]

If he moves out on his own, he wouldn't be able to afford it for 2 years and that's not the amount of time I want to remain with us "just dating".

[Scout]

Why would it take him so long to afford to live on his own? Apartments aren't that expensive if he has a room-mate or two, and if he's working. Could you give us some more details about the situation? It's an interesting question, and I think lots of people wonder about living with their partners...how long before they decide to live together, how long after living together should they get married, etc.

[cmirken]

He has been stuck in dept for years, hence living at home. For him, he only wants to move out (Ideally) if he is purchasing a home, seeing that he is 28 and wants to begin his life as such. But, then I came into the picture and we love each other and want to live together. He met with his financial advisor who said that in order for him to have the means to live on his own, he would have to save up for 2 years. That put us in the place where we would have to continue "staying" at my place for the next two years before he moved out and truthfully, we are already living together pretty much and loving it and want to start that life together, live together for a year or so, get engaged and buy a home together when we can both put in an equal amount of $$. Wanting to do this all together, we want to make sure no one is being taken advantage of or inconvenienced and so we are hoping to move in (so that we can share expenses) and then buy a house together when we can both put in the same amount.

[Scout]

He met with his financial advisor who said that in order for him to have the means to live on his own, he would have to save up for 2 years

 

I honestly don't get this. How can someone with not enough money to rent an apt. have a financial advisor? anyway, I guess that's not the issue. I think you two should talk very frankly with each other about the issue of him needing to live on his own for a while instead of jumping right from his mom's house to your's. If he has any doubts, this could come up later on.

[if only]

I think you should just move in together if it is meant to be it will last. He is 28 so he is old enough to know what he wants.

 

Dont think so much into it, thats what I did & I lost him!!

 

Good luck

[YNP8112]

I would say go for it. If you are basically living together now as it is why not just make it a full time.

 

I was in a situation like this where I moved in with my girlfriend because she disliked her roommate and needed a new roommate so I felt that it was the next step in our relationship. I guess I was wrong though because we broke up (still live together until dec when lease runs out). You are obviously older than me though. (I'm still in college). So I hope for the best for you and it can truly work out if you work together on it. I know that when I was thinking about moving in with her everyone told us that it wouldn't work out and that it was a horrible mistake but it was fun while it lasted.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

Scout's right, this doesn't make any sense. If you have to SAVE to move in then you're either paying off debt or you PLAN that your expenses will exceede your income. He's not saying this as an excuse is he?

 

I warn you. You should NEVER NEVER NEVER make this decision in terms of finances. I'm not just talking about myself. We've all been discussing the problems of moving in together before marriage, and if you move in together because it's softer on the wallet then you're in for a rough ride.

 

And as for you spending all his time with you. I think it's a little different when you two actually have your own place.

 

I don't know. The fact that he's 28 and was at his parents place and that he has to save up to get his own place really seems a little fishy. But someone posted a GREAT link here that you should research. Look through the commitment forum we've been discussing this recently. It said that 30% of couples marry the first year and 50% (or something) by the third. But of those that don't marry 1/5 breakup the first year and 40% breakup by the 3rd.

 

good luck!