How do you call this one?

[darth_vader]

Here it goes. I dated a girl who was basically my life for 3 years. She was my first priority next to everything. Coming from a strict European family, I chose her over them and got my own place so I could better focus my attention on her. She also was my closest and most trusted friend a guy could have. I mean you would choose her over your friends any day. When we first started dating, everything of course as you know was awesome. She would let me know eveyday how much she loved me and could not wait to see me again. This went on for a year and a half until we hit a bump in the road. She was still in college at the time until one night she wakes me up in the middle of the night and tells me she has not gone to class for three weeks!! Mind you now that this is college, not high school. When I asked her why, she told me she can't and is afraid to go out into public and has anxeity attacks and just cannot face daily responsibilities. I told her listen you have to go to school, you have worked too hard to throw it all away! She started to cry and hit herself uncontrollably and I just could not believe what I was hearing and seeing. I jumped on her to control her and calm her down. When things calmed down, she agreed to go get help and I was there as her support. She was everything to me and I did not want to see her in pain. She seemed to feel better with the coming days and I thought things with us were going back to the way they were. One day during the week she calls me and tells me she needs to take a rain check for the upcoming weekend in seeing each other. Now, here is a girl who always wanted to be with me 24 - 7. I knew that something was just not right. I asked her if she was breaking up with me and she said YES!. AHHHHH! This was after a year and a half of being with her and standing by her side. I asked her if there was someone else and she assured me there wasn't. She said she needed time with her friends before she left college. I didn't buy it. I needed to be sure for myself. I went to her dorm Friday night while I was talking to her on the cell phone without her knowing I was there. She was very suspicious making sure I wasn't going to be waiting for her at the end of the night. So I sat in the distance and saw her come out of her dorm. She walked out of my sight, and when she came back into my sight, she was with another guy. I was frozen in shock. I approached them and asked her how could you do this to me. She just got in the car with this guy and drove away leaving me in tears. I tried calling her through the weekend until I finally got a hold of her the end of the weekend. She told me it was over and this was the new guy and she didn't know how to tell me without hurting me. She was still going to therapy for her problems and I knew that this new guy was not for her and could not be there for her as hard as that was. I figured she did not know what she was doing so I continued to be there for her. This new guy was with her for about two months until he got fed up with her "problems" and left her. She was devastated and I was there to pick up her pieces while still picking up mine. She asked me if I would go back to her and I said in time it will work out with us. We got back together after three weeks of hanging around together. I figured everyone makes mistakes and she was going through a rough time and I wanted to be there to take care of her. Things were a little shaky at first, but then seemed to get better. She graduated from college but was still living at home. I think her home life did not help her problems because she occasionally showed signs of depression, anger outbursts and aggression problems towards me, her family and herself. I told her she needed to move out and get away from that enviorment. She finally got a job and moved out of her parents home. Things were better with us. I also improved myself and made a much better effort to listen and be there for her. She seemed to have matured out of those college fun years and looked like she was ready for a good life together. Her "problems" seemed to have diminished also but on occasion when she was too stressed from her parents and work, some problems would appear. No big deal, who ins't happy everyday right? So we continued on and she would always ask me when I was going to marry her. I told her when we are financially and job stable it would without a doubt happen and I was not going anywhere until then. One day her roomate convices her to join the gym with her. She did and I thought it was a great thing for her. About a month ago, during a bad snow storm she called me to tell me she was home and told her I would call her when I made it home safely from work. When I did get home, I tried calling her, but her cell phone was off. I thought nothing of it until her mother called me asking if I knew of her whereabouts. I told her she told me that she was home. Her mother asked me to call her roomate to see if she was OK so I did. When I spoke to her roomate, she told she hadn't seen her all day. At this point I was freaking out. Her roomate and mother paniced too and her roomate said she would go out to look for her. I got a call back from the roomate and she told me she saw her car at the gym BUT, it was the only car in the whole parking lot. The gym was shut down due to the storm. We immediatley all assumed the worst, that someone grabbed her and took her away after she came out. We called the police and they put a search on her. Eveyone of her friends and family were trying to contact her on her cell with no luck. I thought I would never see the love of my life again. I would not wish this kind of worry on my worst enemy. Much later that night I got a phone call from my girl telling me that she was studying in the library all night for an entrance exam. I was crying like crazy telling her I thought she was gone. When she found out that we called the police that everyone was worried she raised hell about it. I'm not trying to control anyone, but a phone call saying "Hey, I'm studying in the library, I'll call you later" would have been nice. That weekend she was very cold to me. She finally came out saying she feels like she is not enjoying life. I asked her if she wanted to take a break from me and she told me "Why do you?" That said it all in a nutshell and I knew she was going to leave me again. Later next week she called me to tell me she did not want to see me next weekend. I asked her why and she told me she feels stressed about her job and upcoming school entrance exams and that I was her best friend and she needed time. I was DYING again but I stood by her request. Come to find out later that she was seeing some huge much much older muscle guy from the gym and which she moved in with him immedialtley. I am soooo devastated after all I have sacrificed and stood by her side for. I asked her why she did this and she told me I'm just not the right person for her and she just wants to have fun. She really just considered me a best friend, through all these years. Its like why don't you just use a dull knife and put it through my heart, it would feel like a massage compared to that. Its been a month and a half now, and she recently called me crying saying that this guy cleaned her out of her money and ruined her new car that supposedly this guy co-signed for her. Now what do you do? I tried talking to her about it and she said it was more physical "the best sex ever" attration than a relationship but it was worth it. But why is she still calling me? How would you people out there analyze this one?!!??? Please advise. I don't know why I still love her after all this. I am a mess and I know we would never work out again. In the mean time, I've lost interest in everything, my friends, leisure activities, and everytime I see a girl, I compare her to my ex and I think they are evil and would destroy me if I had anything to do with them. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!!!! I just want to feel like myself again. How can this girl leave a person who she knows would do anything for her and stand by hser side for an gym ass#$@#.

[P-Funk]

She doesn't deserve what you give her, so take it away. I just went through a breakup after 6 years and there are 2 questions I asked myself to finally get over all the bs break up with her and be happy with my life again. These two questions relate to everyone and will work on everyone.

 

1) Did he/she treat you the way you deserved to be treated?

 

2) If a friend was in the same situation as you are right now, telling you the same story, what advice would you give him/her?

 

You have to answer these questions honestly. You already know the answers to them, just accept them and move on. I believe it really is that simple. 6 year relationship for me, and 3 months after making the decision to break up, I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Sure there are hard times, sure some days feel impossible to get through, but as time goes on, they get fewer and fewer, and you become happier and happier.

 

After answering the above two questions, it'a imperative that you sit down and figure out what you did wrong in the relationship too. As perfect as you may feel you acted, if you are honest with yourself, you will see all the mistakes you made. Reflect on those mistakes and don't make the same ones with the next girlfriend.

 

Don't worry, evrything will be fine in time, just relax, let go and live your life.

 

P-Funk

 

"analyzed, thought it over too much

criticize myself way too much

i will utilize the energy i have left

to say goodbye

to you and i will survive. " - Hayden

[GoDevil]

First of all, man I am so sorry that someone has done this to you. I have been through some similar stuff before and I know how terribly bad it hurts. It feels so overwhelming and powerful that you feel hopeless, helpless, and you don't know what to do.

The most important thing you can do is stay away from this girl. You don't deserve to be treated this way no matter what. When you start thinking of the good things with her, you need to remember the hurt and suffering too. This helps tons, and since you care so much for her, your mind will constantly go over all the things you like about her. Any time this happens, think about the time she left you in tears and drove off with that other guy outside her dorm. Is anything really worth that? She is destroying your self-esteem by treating you this way, and YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT.

All this time you have not thought about yourself and what you need. What is important to you? What makes you happy? This girl will do nothing but break your heart over and over again. You know why? Because she now knows that she can walk all over you and come back. She is taking advantage of your kindness and caring, which is the biggest tragedy of all. You owe it yourself to move on and heal, and trust me, another girl will come along who will treat you the same way you treat her. Think about how that will feel compared to this. Just remember to associate all the bad things about her any time you start to miss her or think about the 'good times' you had. Nothing is worth feeling the way you feel now. Nothing is wrong with you at all, other than being too caring to drop someone who obviously cares nothing for you at all. You deserve better and you will find better! Good luck!!!

[cs20thcenturyfox]

I agree with these two, you don't deserve a girl like that. I know how it feels to be taken advantage of and then getting left out in the cold. You definitely sound like a really nice guy, and you don't need her. I think you just need to stop talking to her all at once. Let her go so that you can move and be happy with someone that deserves your love.

 

I know right now it seems you can't move on, but give it time and you will. I thought for so long that I was never going to get over my ex, but then I started to ask myself why would I want to feel so lonely when I'm living with him? If that's the case then I'd rather be COMPLETELY alone.

 

Trust me when I say that there's someone out there that's going to be all you've been waiting for. As for now, just try to be strong and not call her or make any kind of contact with her. Like I said earlier, you deserve so much better than that.

[darth_vader]

I just also need to know for some closure what do you guys think is wrong with her. How come all of a sudden I am not good enough? She says she wants looks and personality. People tell me I'm a good looking guy and am fun to be with. Is it possible she just always needs a change? I also hate to see her on such a self destructive course. She still calls me everyday to make small talk though, but I agree with your answers, she will just put me six feet under if I keep talking to her.

[indianmale30]

I really agree. I know first hand how it feels like to trust someone and then find out that she betrayed you. you have given her more than one chance. I think you should really move on and find a better love. If you dont and get back to her, there is a pretty good chance that history will repeat itself. Your story reminds me of the Betty Davis, Leslie Howard movie "Of Human Bondage" based on the Somerset Maugham novel, although unlike the Betty Davis character your girlfriend is not crude and vulgar but the way she is using you is.

I hope you find a better love