Did i brake NC, by her seeying me?

[detox5]

I been doing NC for a while, my ex sees me online when i want her 2, when i sign in online, my question is that, am I braking NC by her seeying me online. How can she miss me if she can see me, because i am on her list, plus i cant move on and heal when i see her online. So i am braking NC, i know its not doing me anygood seeying her online, I know shes expecting me to message her, but i wont do it.

Might I see improovements if im not online for a while and might she come investigate where i am, cause if she sees me online, its obvious if im around, can anyone help me out?

[if only]

Why dont you take her of your list? Then you cant see her.

 

and if you block her she cant see you...

[rich46]

Hi detox5,

 

You say yourself that it isn't doing you any good by seeing her online, even if you don't IM her. So you answered your own question. If it bothers you, then change your username or delete her from your contacts list. Simple.

 

However, you seem to be doing NC with the primary aim of making her miss you. That isn't healthy IMO. So don't worry about all the technicalities of whether you are breaking NC - it isn't a game with strict rules. You need to do whatever it is to make you move on and heal, and if that means not going online for a while, then so be it.

 

Don't overanalyse things - if you feel uncomfortable doing something, don't do it.

 

Good luck,

 

Rich

[detox5]

Well its more of a case of, im there if she wants to talk to me, but wat the hell, ive given her soo many chances. But if she starts to think that i blocked her, what might that do? I do honestly feel soo much better with her not in my life, as if she is dead (sounds bad), i mean like out of sight out of mind and i knowing nothing about her, makes it easier, but it seems as if i just dont want her completely out of my life. I am doing the NC for me, and if she did talk to me, i dont think im ready for that just yet either. but i was just curious if she would come looking for me if im not around online? thats the only place she seems me.

[shes2smart]

If you are really doing NC, there's no way you can know, for sure, if you are still on her contact list or not. It's quite possible she removed you from her list after you broke up. If that's the case, you could be online 24/7, and she wouldn't see you anyway. I know when I have broken up with guys in the past, I would remove them from my contact list on whatever IM program I was using at the time....there was no need for me to know what they were doing, y'know?

 

You're better off to remove her from your contact list and just move on.

[Mun]

i just dont want her completely out of my life. I am doing the NC for me, and if she did talk to me, i dont think im ready for that just yet either. but i was just curious if she would come looking for me if im not around online?

 

If you you aren't ready to talk to her just yet, then try blocking her for awhile --until you are ready to deal with it should she decide to contact you.

 

Will she come looking for you if you are not around online? Only one way to find out-try blocking her or not being online for awhile.

 

Did I repeat myself? Looks like you only have one good option.

[detox5]

well i was thinking of emailing her, just a good joke i have, was just gonna say ti made me smile hope it has same effect, is that not a good idea though?

[rich46]

No it is not a good idea!

 

Why are you worrying about whether being online is breaking NC, when you are thinking about sending her an email???

 

No Contact means just that. No emails, no jokes, no IMs.

 

Of course, if you want to keep having setbacks then feel free to send the email!

 

Sorry to be harsh, but I really think it is essential if you ever want to heal.

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[detox5]

It aint harsh, its good what u said, I wanted to do it just to show peace with her, try and reach out kinda. But your right, if i did start speaking again, im in no position to talk to her right now, im thinking of COMPLETE NC till like 3 months, thats no seeyign her online and stuff, so i am SOOO out of sight, what do you think? It WILL make me heal alot better PLUS it may bring her out?

[rich46]

It aint harsh, its good what u said, I wanted to do it just to show peace with her, try and reach out kinda. But your right, if i did start speaking again, im in no position to talk to her right now, im thinking of COMPLETE NC till like 3 months, thats no seeyign her online and stuff, so i am SOOO out of sight, what do you think? It WILL make me heal alot better PLUS it may bring her out?

I almost agree! Don't put a time limit on things, because you may think that you are healing, but in fact all you will be doing is counting down the days until you initiate contact. I know because I did it myself at first. In my opinion, you need to stop thinking about "bringing her out." If it does happen as a result of complete No Contact, then it will be a bonus. Look at it that way.

 

Rich

[rich46]

rich46, sadly, I think that bonus is the only thing we look forward to. Most people only do NC for two reasons. 1) To heal. and 2) To make ex want to come back. If that's not true, I think we are lying to ourselves.

Of course it's true! I never said otherwise! I am being completely honest by saying that I am doing No Contact:

 

1. to heal (80%),

and

2. to make the ex miss me (20%)

 

It's human nature to think that way. My point being, as long as No Contact is done primarily to heal, then I don't see a problem.

 

Rich

[JustPlainSad]

You are better off without the girl in your life, correct? You no longer want her correct? So what does it matter if she sees you on aim or not and you're gonna do no contact for 3 months or whatever?

 

You're talking in circles man.....

[detox5]

I didnt say i was better off without her, I know my life would be MUCH better with her, im just saying that with her not around while im not healed, it feels good. I want her in my life completely or not at all, shes kinda in my life atm, and thats keeping me from healing.