ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Well, my ex and i had a very loving relationship. I was her first serious boyfriend, and for the first year she was great. She was loving, nurturing, and i knew i meant the world to her. She would ignore everyone else but me. She told me things she'd never tell anyone else. She basically became so attached to me that her whole life in every other area started to fall apart. She didn't have friends, because she made no attempts to do so. So, our relationship hits a rocky part due to distance. I can't see her as much, and we both are having some difficulties keeping the relationship alive (Big city, i don't own a car) so we couldn't go out and do much. She started talking about this other guy who is in love with her. He basically becomes her emotional doormat. Every time we fight, he runs to her side and supports her. Finally, he confesses his love to her. Lots of things happen, but ultimately my ex gets attached to him, and can't pick between us. I blow up because i did everything i possibly could to be a great boyfriend to her, and she ends up picking him. She begs me to stay friends with her, and she starts crying at the notion of losing me. I tell her i don't desire friendship with her, and she even asks me to WAIT for her. So for the next week or so, she texts me occasionally to keep tabs. I tell her to stop, block her, and she and this guy become official. So, she turns cold. She returns everything i gave her, and starts lying about the break-up to people so she is the victim. Every time i bump into her (three times) she does the best she possibly can to avoid confronting me. It seems like she's basically cut me out of her life like i was nothing, despite how much i did for her and how hard i fought for her. I know she won't be happy with this guy, and from what i hear... it won't last long. I just don't understand how someone who could care so much could turn the exact opposite so quickly. Its been 5 weeks NC and 7 weeks post BU. I am busy bettering myself, regaining my former confidence and living my life. I just keep clinging to the hope that once things go sour with her current relationship, she will then start to miss me and regret what she did. I provided some of the best moments of her life, and the break-up was sudden and messy. There is no possible way that this new guy could ever treat her as well as i did. Plus, he's not nearly as cocky/confident as i am. He follows her around like a lost puppy. I just don't feel like it'll actually hit her what life is like without me, as long as she has this guy to cater to her every need. Link to comment
ArtCritic Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Like a switch she just went cold. What does this mean? To me.. it means she is happy with the guy she is with... You really need to treat her to cold hard NC for a good long while.. months.. Link to comment
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Happy with him the day they start dating? You think? More like, infatuation and the excitement of something new. Honeymoon phase. Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Before I comment, may I ask you and her ages? Link to comment
ArtCritic Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Happy with him the day they start dating? You think? More like, infatuation and the excitement of something new. Honeymoon phase. Maybe.. but that isn't your concern right now.. right now you need to let her live out whatever she is going thru and you need to move on to the next girl and leave this one in the dust.. I know it hurts to be left but honestly she did you a favor.. she is showing you the future.. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 NC, let her go, she's not worth your trouble Link to comment
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Before I comment, may I ask you and her ages? We're young. I'm in college, first year. She's in highschool. It makes me feel embarrassed saying this, as people interpret my actions as immature. But, i know how i feel about her, and we had a strong emotional connection. Its just, i was the first person she's ever been involved with. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Trust me when I say that the vast majority of young people who manage to get into a romantic relationship will experience pain, regret, and they all grow wiser from the experience. I doubt this one will work out, but in a few years, you'll look back and be able to rationalize everything, and take something from this experience. Link to comment
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Mmm, so you don't think she'll contact me in the future once she matures a bit? I'm not sure. I feel i made a huge impact on her, and she took it for granted. I feel like i'll always have an advantage with her, as i was her first love. We didn't have any problems. We have a lot of fond memories from that experience. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Why keep chasing someone who doesn't share your feelings? Don't string yourself along for someone who's unsure. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 We didn't have any problems. Yeah, you did. See below. She would ignore everyone else but me. She told me things she'd never tell anyone else. She basically became so attached to me that her whole life in every other area started to fall apart. She didn't have friends, because she made no attempts to do so. Link to comment
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Well, she did share my feelings. More so than i did. At one point, she loved me a lot more than i loved her. I was comfortable, and i took care of her and i was her world. Things got stale, we couldn't do things due to my lack of car, and i graduated. This new guy moved in, and i guess he was something new and exciting to something that was getting old. She still cared about me when we broke up. She kept contacting me and trying to talk to me and i kept shutting her out. I won't deal with someone who left me for someone else. But the thing is, she is young. She needs to experience things, she needs to learn. I don't want to throw away a potentially great relationship due to her immature actions. When we were together, things were great. The chemistry was awesome. The relationship easily could have been salvaged and brought back to life, she just decided to run to the guy who was all over her when things got rough. Link to comment
Scuza Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 He's just her emotional doormat, and is letting her walk all over him so you start looking like a bad guy while he looks like a good guy. Shameful, if you ask me. That being said, most high school relationships don't last into college / university / post-secondary education. Often people just starting college / finishing high school don't want to be stuck in an LTR and want to see what else is out there. I was in the same position earlier this year, my ex broke up with me out of the blue. I was great to her, and encouraged her in all her endeavors. Alas, she left me and jumped into a new relationship shortly after. Best to go NC and not deal with her anymore while you take some time to yourself to heal. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 First off, your ex-girlfriend is what is known as an emotional dependent. She needs someone to be there for her at all times or she doesn't know what to do with herself. Dependents tend to do exactly what she did in your relationship, they drop all their other interests/friends/hobbies and focus solely on you or the relationship. In the future, when someone comes on this strong and focuses their whole life on the relationship, you will now see the warning signs and know to back away...quickly. When you weren't as available anymore she still needed that role of dependency to be filled by someone, namely, this other guy. She emotionally cheated on you, told you to "Wait in the wings" while she explores her immature infatuation with this new man. Believe me my man, her not talking to you is the best thing that could ever happen to you. You're so better off you have no idea how much, I've dealt with this before. My suggestion to you when you start a new relationship is to take it slow, when you find someone who professes love with you in a months time, run like hell. Link to comment
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 She was independent, to a degree. She had interests, hobbies, and things to do. She just came off as a ***** at times, and she always had trouble making friends. I don't feel she was that emotionally dependent, as she waited awhile before she even started dating. I feel like the whole reason she did go to this other guy was because it was something new and exciting. The whole honeymoon phase. But honestly, i don't think he has anything better to offer than i did, emotionally, physically, ect. Only difference is he is in her new circle of friends and he's still at school with her. I know most high school relationships don't last, but some do. People give up, and they go find other people. I don't feel like i am one of those people, honestly. I don't care if there are other fish in the sea, i want what i had. So, if it takes patience and effort, i think i can make it work. I've only grown and learned from this break-up( as well as gotten a car) lol. Link to comment
Fun Boater 1 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 He's just her emotional doormat, and is letting her walk all over him so you start looking like a bad guy while he looks like a good guy. Shameful, if you ask me. That being said, most high school relationships don't last into college / university / post-secondary education. Often people just starting college / finishing high school don't want to be stuck in an LTR and want to see what else is out there. I was in the same position earlier this year, my ex broke up with me out of the blue. I was great to her, and encouraged her in all her endeavors. Alas, she left me and jumped into a new relationship shortly after. Best to go NC and not deal with her anymore while you take some time to yourself to heal. Scuza is right. Both of you are way to young to be in a "serious" relationship. When I say serious I mean a mutually fulfilling, emotionally healthy, ground relationship that has the potential for a life-long bond leading to marriage and all that. I wouldn't say your actions were "immature". Her actions, however, reek of immaturity. She is still in high school. She has her whole life ahead of her, as do you. Her behavior is typical of her age, and your relationship situation (it failing) is very typical. You may have had a great time together, but it's time to move on to later phases of your lives. If you were each other's first love, you probably have not heard the last of this girl. Live your life and move forward. Be open to meeting new girls and expand your horizons. If you and her are meant to "try again" one day, it will happen without effort and quite accidentally way down the road of life when you least expect it. At present, you let her go and move on. Link to comment
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 I like your reply. I truly am trying to live my life. I'm meeting new people, trying new things, and having fun again. I feel like myself, and i haven't felt this way in awhile. It just makes me MUCH more comfortable knowing there is a chance to reconcile with her, to know that door is not closed forever you know? There are plenty of girls i'm sure i will mesh well with, and i may even grow to like them more than i ever liked her... But i'm not sure if i want that, haha. I was happier than i had ever been before, with her. I want a girl to protect, to love, to care for. In return, all i want is her unconditional love. We had that. I was the confident one who took the lead, and she was sweet, nurturing, and always had my back. That is the kind of partnership and best friend i want. But, i guess i will live my life. If it happens, it happens and i will be very happy about that. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 She would ignore everyone else but me. She basically became so attached to me that her whole life in every other area started to fall apart. She didn't have friends, because she made no attempts to do so. These comments are indicative of a dependent. I can't see her as much, and we both are having some difficulties keeping the relationship alive (Big city, i don't own a car) so we couldn't go out and do much. She couldn't see you as much and rely on you to fulfill the role of that person anymore. She started talking about this other guy who is in love with her. He basically becomes her emotional doormat. She finds a new man to fulfill her dependency. To me, it's very clear. Link to comment
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