Think I made a mistake, regretting it

[hawaiian robot]

Hi all, hopefully this is in the right forum, and apologies for any wordiness. Anyway, been friends with this girl A for about a year or so, I originally arranged to hang out because I wanted to get to know her a bit better, with no expectations or what was going to come from it. Pretty early in the piece she said that she doesn't date or have boyfriends, so I said that was cool, and we kept on talking and hanging out, though most of it was via texting as she was finishing a thesis at the time and I know how stressful that is and didn't want to crowd her.

 

So fast forward a few months, we'd arranged to hang out and she came around to visit my flatmate, and I kind of let them be and do their own thing. After she left I sent a message saying thanks for the presents she got me in India, and she responded with how she thought I hated her, I managed to get to hang out with her after that but the conversation stalled a bit and it got a bit weird, and we didn't end up talking for a while, but talked it over and things were alright again (I'm pretty forgiving/possibly an idiot? This will become apparent later), and it looked like a relationship was out of the question, which is something I should have realised from the start.

 

Around that time I started hanging out with an old friend E, and things with A escalated a bit... we were walking home from a bar and I decided that holding A's hand would be a cool thing to do. She came into my room borrow a phone charger and I thought I'd go in for a move, she freaked a bit and went on about how she doesn't do that with anyone, etc., I said it was cool and went to sleep. It wasn't until the next morning I had received a few texts from her shortly after that, saying "I'm so sorry, I'm retarded! Let's talk sometime! I like you! Forgive me?", after her saying that "bottom line she liked me, and hoped she didn't scare me off" - I didn't want to be thick and ask in what way, and assumed that first time she meant as friends. I'd always joked that having such low self-esteem, that someone would outright say that they liked me and I'd just reason that I was reading into it too much.

 

So I brought up E for a reason, she and I were getting a bit close, her always texting me when we were working, wanting to hang out and arranging times to see movies and so on, meeting her family and that kind of thing. So I had a dilemma, do I go for E or A? A was more of a sure thing, but I didn't want that to be the reason. I also didn't want to go for one and treat the other as a safety, I don't want to be that guy. I also knew that chances were, A was going to leave my city and get a job elsewhere, and was worried about the distance. A got a job, and decided that in the 3 months between the offer and starting work, she'd go on a world trip, so it seemed the decision was pretty much made. E and I saw a movie, and I said I'd like to see her as more than friends, she said no, I was down but took it pretty well, I thought, although we don't really talk much anymore. Though I hope it's not related to me asking her out, as another mutual friend said that he tried to get in touch with her and she said she was going to be busy for the rest of the year (yeah right).

 

A and I spent a lot of time together just before she left, and I really wanted to tell her how I felt before she left (despite what I said earlier), I keep firm in the idea that the distance thing was going to put a strain on it. Which is a shame, as the last time I saw her I gave her a bunch of my favourite novels, and took her to an amazing lookout. She wanted me to keep in touch with her, and keep her up-to-date on stupid animal pictures. Needless to say, I've been regretting not saying anything since the end of September, but still wanting to hover around like the beta-male retard I obviously am. Now we jump ahead to a week ago, received an email from A, filling me in on what's been happening in South America, and oh, she met someone on a tour in Peru and has a boyfriend, but it'll be distance which she said was " * * * * " and isn't sure how it'll go. My response to that was "oh.", which is apparently an odd response, as she thinks that most people would congratulate or ask for more info, despite the fact that no, I don't really want to know.

 

So, eNotAlone, do I be the massive scumbag that I feel like, and put it out there, wait until I see her in person, or as a lot of people have said, wait for this other thing to fizzle out? I just don't know what to do! Also, I realise this is so, so scummy.

 

Thanks for reading guys!

 

EDIT: Dang that is long, but a lot of the detail is necessary, at least to me. If not, let me know!

[meoww]

If she's newly into someone else it'll really kill her interest in you. If you were to be 'scummy' the time to do it would be after things had settled between them and the honeymoon period is over. Either way, it's a little questionable lol. You had your chance. I mean, if you think she's the one or something then go for it but otherwise the situation seems ripe for problems--from the distance to, uh, her current boyfriend.

 

I think your friends have the right idea--just wait it out and see if things fizzle. If you run into her again after a few months you might catch her eye again.

[hawaiian robot]

This is where it's doubly stupid, she's going to be in another city about 5 hours away, so she would be trading one distance thing for another... Which I guess should be my answer right there.

 

Thanks very much for your reply though, lots of good info! Just not sure what to say to her in the meantime.

 

Edit: Meoww, that is some damn solid advice. I think I'll wait it out but keep myself open to others in the meantime.