Jump to content

How long do rebounds typically last, and what % work out

whattheheck

Recommended Posts

whattheheck Enthusiast

whattheheck

Posted
Posted

I was just wondering - my gf left me for someone else. Is that considered a rebound? I know we can't put a number on them, but what percentage of rebounds actually work out? If they don't work out, how long before they break up? Just want some estimates from people who have experienced a rebound from either side.

 

I know this question has been asked a lot before, but was just wondering.

Link to comment
hockeyboy Mentor

hockeyboy

Posted
Posted

very very rarely. i know it hurts that they do that but it may be the best thing for you in a sense. because if she dates other people and still doesnt want you back, then youll know to move on. or she could date other people and realize how much she loves you in which case you'd get her back (if at that time you want her back)

 

i know it sucks..ive been there, but looking back on it in hindsight im glad my old ex dated other ppl right after. when she realized she wanted me..i didnt want her anymore. my current ex isnt seeing anyone and im not going to sit here and wish she would...but theres a postive to everything.

Link to comment
if only Collaborator

if only

Posted
Posted

Well when I got together with my ex he had recently separated from his current GF of a year and a half (we got together about 3 months after). There were times at the beginning I know he still had feelings for her but it didn't matter to me, I didn't plan on it becoming serious.

 

I guess I was a rebound at first, our relationship lasted for 5 years so hopefully in the end I wasn't but no it didn't last. The way I look at it now is he never worked through his issues with his previous GF and brought them to our relationship.

 

He lost all his friends through being with her. Throughout the 5 years he grew a good group of friends through me but this was a really big issue to him and he always felt he had no real friends. This was what I feel ended our relationship.

 

But hey, guess what within a week of our split he was dating someone else another rebound...I think it is his way of getting over his previous loss but then becomes too serious with them and carry's on with the same issues!! (its people like this who end up marrying because the time is right not because they are truly in love).

 

At the end of the day if they were with you and they run into another relationship straight away doesn't it make you think are they really worth it? I thought my ex was amazing and was the one, now I just feel sorry for him and realise I was disillusioned as he was my first love. I have no issues and I know that when I finally meet the 'one' I will be happy.

Link to comment
whattheheck Enthusiast

whattheheck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My ex gf has been dating her new guy for about 6 weeks now. How long before the newness wears off? 3 months, 6, 9, ?

 

The problem is, I still want her back, but I'm afraid that she will never call me someday if she breaks up from her new man because she probably thinks that I would never take her back after what she has done.

 

Any suggestions?

Link to comment
hockeyboy Mentor

hockeyboy

Posted
Posted

it seems like most rebounds last a couple of months...thats just from my own experience and what i have seen. of course there is always the chance it will last longer..who knows. easier said then done..but assume she wont come back..if she does it is a bonus. date other girls, even if u dont want to. you may want to try contacting your ex if you feel she is slipping away to far. but if you do make sure u dont make all the critical mistakes we have all made. sounds like your a strong person..to just do nc when shes seeing someone else...thats good.

Link to comment
Tinkerbell Proficient

Tinkerbell

Posted
Posted

I'm not sure whether or not it'd be wise to call your ex's new boyfriend a rebound in this case. As far as I know a rebound is a person that you date for the hell of it to get over your ex, but if she broke up with you FOR him than that's a different story. Did she say the reason for break-up, was it because you lacked qualities that he had that she looks for in a man?

There's really no telling how long the relationship will last, it all depends on whether or not she's dating him because she cares for him or because she's just looking for some fun.

I'm going to disagree with the people here who suggested no contact because not only does it bring the two of you even further apart, but if you show up into her life only once her current relationship has ended she's going to think and KNOW that you weren't mature enough to handle it, which you certainly don't want since you do want to get back together with her.

I'd say you should casually initiate contact with her, either by email, telephone call etc, but don't approach her for the first time when she's with her new guy as it'll seem like a "battle of the territory."

By remaining her friend throughout this time you'll still hold an important part in her life, and if fate is on your side maybe she'll start missing what the two of you had...

Good luck!

~Tink

xxx

Link to comment
whattheheck Enthusiast

whattheheck

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Tinkerbell - thanks for your input. I agree with you - it may not be exactly a rebound. She stated that i didn't treat her right because I didn't take her out enough, didn't tell her she looks nice, and didn't appreciate her. We decided to work on things (from both sides), then a day later, she turned cold because she found some other guy who was interested in her. Actually, i think she had him already waiting for her. But, my point is, she would have worked things out with me but she decided to find out if the grass is greener. But i really think she just wants to go out and sew some wild oats. In fact, when she first started to act strange, i noticed that she started drinking and partying more with her friends, and started to want to go out and get drunk.

 

Also, I agree with you about the fact that NC may not be such a good thing. I always thought that a casual email, or to send her a e-greeting that I'm praying for her happiness would be a good idea once every few weeks. But I'm so reluctant to do so because almost everyone here says to do NO CONTACT. Also, to those others who believe in no contact, how the heck will i ever know if she DOES breakup with her new fling if I do NC? If I do that, I may never know what is going on in her life!

Link to comment
rich46 Community Regular

rich46

Posted
Posted
But i really think she just wants to go out and sew some wild oats. In fact, when she first started to act strange, i noticed that she started drinking and partying more with her friends, and started to want to go out and get drunk.

I can relate to that. My ex reached the age of 22 and wanted to do the clubbing thing with her new work friends. I can't help feeling like I've been replaced, but unfortunately there's nothing we can do. It's just a case of letting them get it out of their system, and hopefully they'll soon get bored of it. Who knows, when they do realise the grass isn't greener, it may be too late as we'll have moved on...

 

I think what most people agree on is that there needs to be a period of No Contact after the break up to enable some essential healing time. You need to forget about winning her back at this point, and focus on YOU. Then I guess it is up to you whether you initiate contact with your ex, even though it may lead to more hurt...

 

Good luck,

 

Rich

Link to comment
Tinkerbell Proficient

Tinkerbell

Posted
Posted

Hmm, well there's not much you can do for your relationship except stand back and see what happens between your ex and this new guy. Who knows, she might really enjoy the new excitement of the relationship, or she may begin to miss you like crazy, but you'll certainly never know which it is if you begin no contact! I think the email or e-greeting idea is good, it shows that you're thinking about her but you're not obsessing over the break-up.

If you guys do get back together in time, I hope you learn from your mistakes and appreciate her more in order not to lose her again. I know it's rather difficult to get over someone when you feel responsible for driving them away, but you have to look at it in this perspective: What's done is done, and there's no point in fretting so much over the past because you can't change it. But you CAN change the future, so work on that.

Link to comment
SadMan Enthusiast

SadMan

Posted
Posted

Tinkerbell and Lady00 have just discribled my problem. That is exactly what is happening to me right now.

 

After my ex and I broken up a year ago from a 5 year relationship. I broke all contact with her and healed myself from the pain when she lefted me with someone else. During the break up she contacted me in everyway posible. She is always the one that initialated all contacts. When she contacted me I thought I still have a chance with her. But I was wrong. Last month I finally put an end to everything when she simplily stop contact whenever she wanted to is like she didnt care all of a sudden. She told me that we shouldnt be friends anymore. That really hurted me so I want to end all these pain by saying a lot of bad things to her like " your a b**tch, sleep with all the guys in the world and pretend nothing happened" I know things like this you cant say to a female especially when you two were in love once. She basically blow up screaming at me and then I told her I will never see you again.

 

A month later, 3 days ago, she came to my house and then tell me how much she missed me and how much she wanted to see me. I was weak and wanted to know why she came. So I let her spoke to me and see me. Then she was crying and said how she misses me. And she wanted to kiss me, I am stupid and I let her. Then we were close like couples again for the past few days.

 

I think what I did was wrong. I dont know why there is a part of me that tells me she is using me. She did this in the past once and I think she is doing this again and I am LETTING HER do it. Well, she havent called me since yesterday afternoon coz she have to work.

 

I dont know what I am doing..........I think I am letting her use me..........

 

I guess I have to wait and see if that is ture once again.......

Link to comment
SadMan Enthusiast

SadMan

Posted
Posted

I dont know........... My guess is that her magic momnet with him is over............

 

She tells me all that and yet still refuse to be with me. I asked her why, she said she is afraid, afraid that will be my old self again once she is with me......... she said she wants to wait and see........

 

is that what you call using ??

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...