No time to be heartbroken, but I still am

[BJP1985]

Hello everyone. I'm posting my story because I feel like it will be good for me to get it out on "paper" and get some advice from others who have gone through similar situations.

 

I'll try to keep the background story short: met in college, been together 4 years, the last 2 1/2 co-habitating. I consider her my soulmate and best friend. We have a pet together and an apartment that neither of us can afford alone. We've had our share of arguments and such, but overall it was a great, loving, caring relationship.

 

About three months ago, she looked at my phone while I was sleeping. She found a message from me sent to another woman on facebook that, I admit, was improper (the woman complemented me on a picture and alluded to wanting to see more, and I playfully -- never thinking or wanting anything in real life -- responded in kind). But I have never cheated on her and never would. She believes me that I never cheated, but she still thinks she can't trust me. After she found it, she was hurt, rightly so, and eventually said we needed to break up. I absolutely did everything I could to try to save the relationship and show her that she could trust me. Since we were, and still are, living together, we still had to see each other during this time and she started to warm up to me again and stopped talking about moving out. She wanted to be close to me again and said she missed me (although we have not made love since she found the message, and I haven't pushed the issue). Things were getting back to normal and I thought we would make it work.

 

But then she went to visit old friends for Thanksgiving (we usually have spent thanksgiving together). After she came back, she has wanted nothing to do with me and two days ago bluntly told me that she is not attracted to me anymore and doesn't even want to hear my voice because it irritates her. She said that I have manipulated her. However, she says she still wants to be friends, but she that can't be romantic with me. She now wants one of us to move out, and soon.

 

I don't know what happened over Thanksgiving, but she has completely different feelings and actions than in the 4 years that I've known her. I feel like her friends are telling her what to do and she's not thinking for herself. Either that or there is another man that she is interested in and she wants out of what we have. I don't know. But I do know that I am devastated. Things were getting so much better and now it's like breaking up all over again. I am losing my best friend, my soulmate, my partner. Everything we had is nothing now. Our pet is going to lose a parent. I haven't really moved the past 2 days and am a mess. I can't focus on the moment and can only think about how much I am going to miss her and how much I regret precipitating this whole thing in the first place. And I have to go through all of this every time I see her.

 

The problem is, I am nearly finished with grad school and am smack dab in the middle of finals. I am unprepared for my exams (not prepared at all, actually). These finals will help determine whether I will have a job next fall. But I don't care. I can't force myself to care. All I can do is to think of her and how different things could be and I just wish she'd give me a chance to show her. I love her more than anything and am hurting so bad I've contemplated just giving up on everything. I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff and I am hurting.

[Flyingpiglet]

Unfortunately, you can't undo what has been done and whether she is making her own decisions or is being influenced by her friends. you have to respect her decision.

 

I think you have to sit her down and tell her how you feel and make sure she knows you have learnt from your mistakes. Then you need to give her some space to work out if she want's to try and make this work.

Trying too hard to pull her back to you now will more than likely result in her distancing herself even more!

[Ms Darcy]

I doubt it's her friends. It's probably another guy.