10 Months Total of No Contact - Any Chance of Getting Back Together?

[jordan5508]

Thank you for taking the time to read this post, I really appreciate it.

 

image removed

 

I'm looking for other's opinions so please feel free to reply - No need to sugar coat things.

 

 

My ex and I were together for 2 years. I was (and still am) madly in love with her.

 

When our relationship first started she was 18 and had started university; I was 19 and was in my 2nd year of university.

 

We were crazy about each other for about 1.5 years until I could sense she was becoming slightly distant. The last .5 year I could also sense she wasn't as happy as she once was. However, I was still very determined to keep the relationship going.

 

We only had a few fights during the entire relationship which were small.

 

After 2 years together she broke up with me and these were her reasons:

 

- She wasn't happy anymore.

- She felt she was too young to be in a serious relationship.

- My depression was a factor.

- She said: "It just didn't feel right".

 

 

When she broke the news to me I told her that I understand and we should not stay in contact anymore. She was very upset by the fact that I initiated NC but I had no choice, it would be difficult to stay in touch. I blocked her on FB, deleted her number, etc... zero contact - no pics either. I also started to see a counselor which helped a lot.

 

2-3 weeks after the break up she was texting me asking how i was doing etc... - I did not reply to any of her texts.

 

After awhile she stopped messaging me.

 

2 months after the break up I had prepared a letter that explained how I felt about the whole situation (I did NOT include that I wanted her back etc...) - my counselor suggested that I write this because I was feeling like I hadn't had a chance to tell her how I felt.

 

I called her after 2 months of NC and met with her in person so that she could read the letter with me present.

 

She didn't have much to say; she cried a little bit but never said anything about getting back together. She said she was sorry about hurting my feelings but she just didn't feel the relationship was getting any better. We said goodbye and she left.

 

It's been 8 months since we last saw each other (when I handed her the letter) and this whole time I've been keeping NC.

 

I haven't heard from her since and I haven't seen her since.

 

I'm still madly in love with this girl and I think about her everyday. I've dated a bunch of other girls and I've slept with a couple of them but none of it makes me feel any better.

 

I would LOVE to get back together with my ex.

 

Is there any chance of us getting back together if I keep up with NC?

 

Should I attempt to contact her to try and get her back? Will that even work?

 

*Please keep in mind, I've done very well for myself since the break up. I've got a great job, been working out a lot, and I'm on medication which has helped quite a bit. I also see my counselor once a month.

 

Thank you for reading this post. I would greatly appreciate any insight into my 2 questions above.

[catcountry]

I hate to be blunt but...it is time to move on. You really need to do it for yourself. You let her know how you felt and if she hasn't come back by now my bet is she isn't going to. *hugs*

[mg22]

If i were you i would call her and talk to her ! you will only find out if you still hold a chance if not then walk away forever ! good luck

[Bergk]

I only give advice when I'm a similar age and have had similar experiences. In my opinion, to answer whether there is a chance of you getting back together keeping NC - I'd say no. She broke up with you; so if she wanted to get back together I'd expect her to make contact and not the other way around.

 

It is good you wrote a letter and she was able to understand your feelings - did this not give you a sense of closure? Had you ever expressed wanting to get back with her before?

 

I know it's hard... as I'm in the same boat and struggle a couple of days a week. Same timescale and my heart still aches for her. But maybe you need to consider moving on for good, as like you said yourself - you are doing well for yourself, seem confident - you could find another special person.

 

On the other hand; you could initiate contact with her - but this may prolong your heartbreak, for example, worst case scenario she doesn't want anything to do with you. Someone with more experience may be able to guide you. Good luck.

[EgoJoe]

When she said "I don't feel it will get better..." I would have laughed. Ten months 100% NC...dude I know why posted and I feel for you. Moving on is hard when you still have an abundance of love to give...John Lennon was wrong though...sorta.

 

I'm struggling too and I've been contacted (I ignored it) so...count your blessings.

[jordan5508]

Thank you all for posting replies, I really appreciate your opinions.

 

I've done everything by the book and I still feel the same since she left me. Although, hearing your replies makes me feel a bit better.

[jordan5508]

I told her when I met up with her that "If it were up to me, I would still like to continue our relationship together, but I know that's not what you want".

 

She didn't really say anything.

[jordan5508]

Maybe I should contact her and make the first move just to see if there's any possibility of us getting back together. I know this would cause me a lot of pain if it didn't work out but at least I would have no regrets...

 

I think it would be difficult to get her to feel the same way about me. Who knows how she feels now.

 

Maybe she thinks that I am totally over her and that I am no longer interested in getting back together? Maybe that's why she hasn't contacted me.

 

I don't know if I buy the saying "If she really loved you and really wanted to get back together she would have done everything in her power to contact you."

 

Maybe it's not that simple?

 

What do you think?

[HoliPoli]

You don't know anything until you try and if she's not interested then maybe you will have learned something about yourself in the process.

[LastMan]

Maybe I should contact her and make the first move just to see if there's any possibility of us getting back together. I know this would cause me a lot of pain if it didn't work out but at least I would have no regrets...

 

I think it would be difficult to get her to feel the same way about me. Who knows how she feels now.

 

Maybe she thinks that I am totally over her and that I am no longer interested in getting back together? Maybe that's why she hasn't contacted me.

 

I don't know if I buy the saying "If she really loved you and really wanted to get back together she would have done everything in her power to contact you."

 

Maybe it's not that simple?

 

What do you think?

 

It is that simple. Fact is, if she really loved you she wouldn't have broke up with you in the first place. Its been 10 months, time to let go.

[Thorshammer]

How can you still be in love with someone that isnt in love with you?

 

You are still young, there are many women you havent discovered yet. I was stuck on a girl I dated for 2 months for a year, only because she was hot, then I met a girl that was like a female version of me (and she is still in my life, and we almost tried to get back together a few times, and i also had to heal from him too when she cut me off). My cousin broke up with his gf of 5 years, and it took him a year and some months to heal.

 

If you feel breaking NC can appease your curiosity, then do it. Reach out as a friend, and show emotional stability around her. But it might throw you back into hurt, so reach at point where you are at your strongest.

[martina]

I would definitely try to contact her. After such a long time of NC she can't know that you are still thinking of her, maybe she thinks you have moved on and are no longer interested in her. Even if she tells you she doesn't have feelings for you or she has somebody else in her life, your contacting her would be positive because you need this information in order to move on. Good luck.

[lanaa]

Contact her as a friend, that's what i would do.Do not tell about your feelings at the beginning ,even if she has some feelings left,,it will scare her off,and most probably she is not sure what she wants...and your opening up would only make her run away

[jordan5508]

 

If you feel breaking NC can appease your curiosity, then do it. Reach out as a friend, and show emotional stability around her. But it might throw you back into hurt, so reach at point where you are at your strongest.

 

I agree, I think that getting back in touch with her would hurt me quite a bit. It would definitely put me a step back.

[jordan5508]

Contact her as a friend, that's what i would do.Do not tell about your feelings at the beginning ,even if she has some feelings left,,it will scare her off,and most probably she is not sure what she wants...and your opening up would only make her run away

 

My main reason for contacting her would be to find out if she still loves me and is interested in getting back together. In order to get this information I think it would take more than one phone call. I think I would feel worse than I do now if I found out she is not interested.

 

I think I should just wait a few more months before I do anything drastic like calling her up. Maybe these feelings will pass in a few more months - hope they do.

[jordan5508]

...reach at point where you are at your strongest.

 

Are you saying I should "reach out" to her when I feel stronger and less sad?

 

I still feel the loss quite a bit and I really do miss her.

 

Maybe I should wait a few more months and see if these feelings pass; it's only been 10 months since the break up.

 

What do you think @Thorshammer?

 

Thanks.

[jordan5508]

Interesting to note:

 

4/5 of the women who have replied to this thread have said that I SHOULD contact her and find out if she is still interested.

 

Any thoughts on this?

 

Thanks!

[LastMan]

Interesting to note:

 

4/5 of the women who have replied to this thread have said that I SHOULD contact her and find out if she is still interested.

 

Any thoughts on this?

 

Thanks!

 

She hasn't contacted you in 10 months. Don't you think that's a good indicator that she's not interested?

 

Have some self-respect man. Don't devalue yourself with a needy call to some broad that thinks she's too good for you.

 

I guarantee you that you will not like the outcome. You're basically handing your balls to this woman. She might respond with something polite or cutesy, but all she's thinking is "WOW 10 months later and this guy still isn't over me! I must be really great!"

 

She gains ego boost and validation.

 

You lose respect, self esteem, and value. You're only gain is the painful wake up call that YOU REALLY NEED TO MOVE ON.

[jordan5508]

She hasn't contacted you in 10 months. Don't you think that's a good indicator that she's not interested?

 

Have some self-respect man. Don't devalue yourself with a needy call to some broad that thinks she's too good for you.

 

I guarantee you that you will not like the outcome. You're basically handing your balls to this woman. She might respond with something polite or cutesy, but all she's thinking is "WOW 10 months later and this guy still isn't over me! I must be really great!"

 

She gains ego boost and validation.

 

You lose respect, self esteem, and value. You're only gain is the painful wake up call that YOU REALLY NEED TO MOVE ON.

 

I agree. You hit the nail on the head with that post.

 

Thank you for your advice.

[Thorshammer]

Are you saying I should "reach out" to her when I feel stronger and less sad?

 

I still feel the loss quite a bit and I really do miss her.

 

Maybe I should wait a few more months and see if these feelings pass; it's only been 10 months since the break up.

 

What do you think @Thorshammer?

 

Thanks.

 

Yes, I wouldnt reach out when you are still hurting over her. You will come accross as emotional and needy. You need to approach as a neutral friend, why... because its safer, and it you can at least attempt to attract in a challenging and aloof way. You can measure any chances with her, and not become desperate and anxious. Plus, failure wont spiral you back into pain.

[lanaa]

She hasn't contacted you in 10 months. Don't you think that's a good indicator that she's not interested?

 

Have some self-respect man. Don't devalue yourself with a needy call to some broad that thinks she's too good for you.

 

I guarantee you that you will not like the outcome. You're basically handing your balls to this woman. She might respond with something polite or cutesy, but all she's thinking is "WOW 10 months later and this guy still isn't over me! I must be really great!"

 

She gains ego boost and validation.

 

You lose respect, self esteem, and value. You're only gain is the painful wake up call that YOU REALLY NEED TO MOVE ON.

 

or she will think he is just bored and decided to contact an ex from the past? or she will think..ohh he is curious about what i am up to

 

everything in life is not black or white

 

Not saying he should contact her if he is not ready.But if he is ready,if he can handle rejection then the excuse "i wont give her any ego boost" is lame.

[EgoJoe]

OP: Please don't contact her.

[mhowe]

As a woman, I say in no uncertain terms: Do not call/text/email her. Unless you want to break your heart again. She has had ample opportunity to contact you in the past 10 months -- and has not. Because she has moved on. You even had her read the letter in front of you --- and it did not change her mind in the least.

 

Let go -- you are young and will find someone else. You are pining for someone who thinks of you in the past tense.

[Eocsor]

The only chance you have is to let go and move on totally. If she wants you, she knows where to find you. But chasing will do no good. The impetus to reconcile has to come from her. Heal, move on, and good things will happen. Who knows what the future will bring but until you let go. you'll never find out.