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How Do I Proceed? Not Sure Where I Stand


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I met this amazing girl (me 25, her 23, both of us are grad students) a couple of weeks ago through her roommate who is a friend of mine. This girl and I are both rock climbers, so her roommate (my friend) thought it would be nice to put us in touch so that we could climb together. So, a couple of weeks ago we met up for the first time and climbed for about an hour and had a blast. I was instantly attracted to this girl...there's just something about her that draws me in. Anyways, the day after we met, she left for another state to visit family for Thanksgiving. While she was gone, we kept in contact and flirted over text.


When she got back in to town, we met up to climb for a couple of hours, though only climbed for maybe 45 minutes and talked for the rest of the time. After we were done climbing, we went our separate ways, but I then later texted her and asked her if she'd like to grab a couple of drinks with me and she agreed. According to her roommate (my friend), she was a little unsure of going out, but my friend pushed her to (what a good friend!) and we grabbed a couple of beers together and ended up talking and laughing for about three hours. The conversation was effortless and we both had a lot of fun. During the conversation, both of us kept great eye contact and were both smiling. Everything was great, then there was an awkward goodbye. We left the bar and I walked her to car and said goodbye. I think we were both a little shy...there wasn't so much as a hug, let alone a kiss. However, she did make it known to contact her over this next week if I wanted to do anything.


We didn't end up doing anything this week because it's the last couple weeks of class before finals so I was completely swamped with schoolwork. However, I did ask her about her plans this weekend to see if she wanted to do anything. She has an early final on Monday so she's spending all weekend studying for it, but she did let me know that she could take a study break. I told her that I'd buy her a cup of coffee for a study break and she agreed.


So, I'm a little bit unsure of where I stand with this girl. On one hand, we were able to spend almost five hours together last weekend and had a great time. She let me know to contact her if I wanted to do anything else this week. We have plans for sometime over winter break to climb at this amazing climbing gym in my hometown about an hour from where we live. And this weekend, although she was studying for her final, she is obviously willing to make a little bit of time to spend with me. But on the other hand, she doesn't really initiate contact with me, and the goodbyes have been awkward for some reason. Both her and I got out of long term relationships this last summer where we got burned pretty badly (she didn't tell me, but her roommate did) so perhaps there is a hesitance from her in that aspect.


In any case, I'm a little bit confused on where I stand and could use some advice on how I should proceed. I definitely like this girl and I think we get along really well and would like to put something together. I'm thinking that the next time I can arrange a proper date (hopefully this next weekend) maybe I should just make the move and kiss her. I'm sure she knows that I have a thing for her and I think it's better to just SHOW her how I feel by kissing her rather than talking about it.

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It's sounds like she has some trust issues and insecurities. I guess it that way because I've been there. So let me tell you a little bit of my story... I met her by a friend and heard that she'd gone through a real tough relationship. So I decided to let her know that I'm someone she can trust by using body language and trust-worthy words of mine. She totally got that but you should know that it's never easy to win someone that much vulnerable. In times we hanged out, I started falling for her so it leaded me to confess her that I really like her. Turned out she disagreed all that attraction and the not-friendly emotional connection to let me know that we couldn't be together. I was ok with that and decided to fight for and win her someday. More I fought, more she got mad at me and I got mad at her too; we had a little argument than I spilled everything in my chest(goods, evils). That which probablywas right and felt uncomfortable for her so she called after couple of weeks to see if we still have a chance I said no with a great comfort. It's really hard to deal someone emotionally unstable and doesn't know what they want...

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I dont jump into a kiss, i take it by steps, unless she takes those steps, or i read her body language that invites me in closer. Touch her lap when you want to explain something really funny, measure her reaction with this touch. Touch her hand when she is looking away to get her attention to something you want to say, and again, measure her reaction, if you are bold enough, keep it there for 10 seconds or so. If they respond positively, then I would personally feel more comfortable getting closer for a kiss.


I do the whole bit, move the hair out of her eyes with a joke, touch a part of her shirt if it interests me. It breaks the tension of touching.


Personally, i dont like to kiss and make it feel planned (even though I am planning it, to me its pretty natural and not forced). Once my touching isnt recieved negatively, and her body language to it seems receptive, or after it (which is what you should look for) is comfortable, i want the kiss to seem "in the moment". I dont want it to look planned, where I am talking about something, and i just kiss her randomly, I am not saying it wont work, but i dont prefer it.. unless.. you squeeze in closer to her, which by itself is similar to taking steps.


If she doesnt react well to your touches, then back off. If you took a huge leap already and it kills the whole moment and she acts weird and pulls away, say some quick joke and laugh it off so its not a "big deal", and continue from your last topic. This might indicate she is holding back, or possibly not interested yet. This is why i rather start with small steps, to avoid an awkward blunder.

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