bullonparade Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Dated my ex for 2 years, lived together for 1. Got back together so many times I've lost count. NC for I don't even know anymore because finally I blocked her number and started moving on. We broke up 3 years ago and over Thanksgiving she showed up on my doorstep at 2am. I let her in and she just poured her heart out for 2 hours. Can't move on, always thinks about me, I always come up in converstation, bascially she just misses me and hasn't meet anyone that comes close. Here's the deal, I've heard all of this before. She spent the night and the next day I said email me (number still blocked) and we'll go out. Well she didn't. I refuse to unblock her number because I've been through this before. This is what I don't get. 3 years later, really? Ok so in all honestly I've ignored girls in the past and that's because I didn't want to be with them. I tired, didn't work. Not interested. I told them, they didn't get it so I ignore their texts/emails so I don't send mixed signals. Ok so if she ignores me I got it, not interested. But to tell me to my face she's still in love with me just doesn't make sense, plus now she moved to another state 5 hours from me. I go back and forth between not caring and angry. How dare she throw this on my lap, I don't want to deal with this right now. I'm the dumpee and I'm done chasing her & putting myself out there. I thought about texting her cousin who I'm friends with & telling him to tell her to leave me alone, but I don't want to be a d-bag...but man sometimes I really hate her for this. Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Then quit putting yourself in the same position. You let her in and you let her stay the night, and now you're surprised that she's feeding you the same line. Link to comment
Furbys Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Carry on with NC and if she turns up unexpected again then don't let her in. Shes only doing it to mess with your head. Link to comment
bullonparade Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 I agree. Just a lot harder when she's standing there crying. I always picture in my head just shutting the door in her face then that doesn't happen, but you're both right. Link to comment
Furbys Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 She knows you will let her in if shes crying. If she turns up again just tell her you don't want any contact with her and leave. Link to comment
donpeel83 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Hi OP, whilst i agree with the other comments about not letting her in etc I have to admit its a lot easier for us to judge you when we are not emtionally invested in the situation. Personally, I know if my ex came back id likely do the same and let her in etc as well and then possibly regret it afterwards. Yes, the situation shows a slight level of you being naive but it shows me more someone who has a good heart. Just dont let her take it for granted thats all. Link to comment
bullonparade Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 I guess in my defense we didn't sleep together and I refused to tell her I still cared. I acted like I could care less. She even commented how it was hard to see me so happy without her. Donpeel83, I am afraid she is taking advantage which I flat out told her. Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I agree that you should just not ket her in.... She is playing with you, she knows how to push your buttons. But I also get that it isn't that easy. I'm curious, when you stay she stayed the night.....????? EDIT.... You just answered my question Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Was she under the influence by any chance? Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 If she's moved 5 hours away... Showing up on your doorstep has to be pre planned on her part right... Next time, offer to run her to the nearest hotel... And thats being generous. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 If she's moved 5 hours away... Showing up on your doorstep has to be pre planned on her part right... Next time, offer to run her to the nearest hotel... And thats being generous. Im guessing she may have been in town to visit her family over the holiday weekend. This past weekend was a long holiday weekend in the US. Something about a group of people leaving the UK and starting in a new land because they felt oppressed ;-) Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Damn... Where was I when that party left! Ok, then I'll revert back to your question.... A little intoxicated during the holiday weekend maybe?? I wonder if her family wondered where she was Link to comment
bullonparade Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Yes, in town to visit family. Yes drinking. I accused her of being drunk which she denied saying she just drove 5 hours so she's not drunk. I don't drink anymore so I can't tell the difference between 1 drink & 9, all smells the same to me. I'm chalking it up as a drunken slip on her part and not doing anything. Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 You broke up three years ago? How long is it since you last had contact to her turning up on your doorstep? I think you did the right thing not unblocking the phone, you can't do much else but chalk this one up to experience now really. But you're going to have to get tough next time she's down visiting family... Ideally, don't let her in. But if you can't point blank turn her away, get her a coffee, while you call her a cab back to her family. The reason you probably haven't met someone else you click with yet... I don't think you're completely over this! Link to comment
bullonparade Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 I don't know how long since I'd last heard from her, months. I really didn't keep track because I was done. I got an email from her the other day, she had gotten the wrong email address and even tried calling (it's blocked). As far as me not being over her...I'm not sure. I love going on dates with other women but I guess I haven't met one that's clicked...yet I'd say that's dating in general. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Anything said at 2am has to be considered a bit suspect. And add to it, you've been down this path w/ her before. Stay strong --- be done. You will find it w/ someone else....it's out there. Link to comment
bullonparade Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 While I appreciate the advice maybe everyone is missing the point of this post. I've already decided what I'm going to do in this situation. My days of begging and being a huge sissy are long gone and I'm not asking for advice. This was more for the people that wonder "what happens now?", "do they think of me?" "do they ever come back?". This is 3 years later with no contact and a blocked phone number. Regardless of the time frame, holiday, booze, or whatever you want to call it. I talked to her face to face for 2 hours and it was from her heart, that's all I'm getting at here. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I think it depends on whether you want her back or not. I mean, if someone has not been in contact for three years and shows up, I would think that it would either be freaky or a grand gesture on their part to get back together. What do you think? She doesn't really have a way to contact you, so are you going to just ignore this all until she tries harder? Or are you just done? Link to comment
bullonparade Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 Well I'm sure our story isn't done yet. I don't think that means we're getting back together for sure, but something else will happen. I'm unsure on what I want to do so that usually tells me to do nothing. I'm doing nothing. She emailed me after showing up at the house about not being able to get a hold of me, I made light of the situation and we joked back and forth for a few emails and that was the extent of it. I'm sure within a month I'll hear from her in some form. Eventually with me doing nothing, if what she said was true, she'll break down again and make some sort of move to make this happen. If not, we both move on. I've already lasted 3 years, what's a few more months/years? Maybe I'll meet someone better in the meantime. Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 While I appreciate the advice maybe everyone is missing the point of this post. I've already decided what I'm going to do in this situation. My days of begging and being a huge sissy are long gone and I'm not asking for advice. This was more for the people that wonder "what happens now?", "do they think of me?" "do they ever come back?". This is 3 years later with no contact and a blocked phone number. Regardless of the time frame, holiday, booze, or whatever you want to call it. I talked to her face to face for 2 hours and it was from her heart, that's all I'm getting at here. ^highlighted... You posted a thread on an advice forum right So your hanging about waiting for her to decide if she wants to come back for real... and in the meantime your going to date and see if anyone else floats your boat. But whenever she comes around you'll do whatever she wants in the hope that she'll decide its you she wants? Sounds like limbo land to me.. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 Okay, so she made a major gesture when she couldn't get ahold of you and she followed up by email after. So you are waiting for her to do something bigger? Don't actions speak louder than words? If you are not sure if you want to get back with her - fair enough, but I think that you basically blew her off by joking with her over email. So that guarantees she is not going to try again. The ball is actually in your court. The steps would be to allow some communication to reconnect after 3 years to decide what you want to do. Or tell her that you have decided its not a hot idea. Or do nothing. But you really can't say she didn't decide what she wants. She obviously wants you. I thought only in movies someone shows up on someone's door step after a few years telling the other person that no one compares and they think about you constantly. So, don't pretend you don't know. Its up to you - and her whether this is a new start or whether you ignore her and chalk it up to "oh she was drunk" or "hmmm,,..don't know...okay i guess i will never contact her to see if she chases me again." If you don't want her, be honest with her, but don't sit and expect another big gesture. Link to comment
bullonparade Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 You posted a thread on an advice forum right - No, re-read my 1st post along with my 2nd explanation. Your hanging about waiting for her to decide if she wants to come back for real - No Your going to date and see if anyone else floats your boat - Yes You'll do whatever she wants in the hope that she'll decide its you she wants - No. Where did you come up with this? It's like the exact opposite of the point I was trying to make here. Link to comment
LastMan Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 You need to go cold no contact on this woman. Eject her from your life forever. Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted November 30, 2011 Share Posted November 30, 2011 I'm obviously misunderstanding things... My apologies. Link to comment
bullonparade Posted November 30, 2011 Author Share Posted November 30, 2011 That's a good point abitbroken. It's just a ton of stuff to dredge up & she now lives in another state. Do I want to go through it all? I'm not trying to make her jump through hoops or prove anything to me it's just a slightly awkard situation. Plus, I have heard this from her before. I guess I'm treading lightly until I'm more sure on this situation. Link to comment
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