princess1104 Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Hi everyone, I just started dating this guy. We've been on a few dates but he's really nice and we seem to get along. Anyway, about 2 dates in, I started to wonder whether he might be gay. I just started noticing little things about him that never crossed my mind when we met. His voice sounds maybe slightly effeminate and he made a joking remark at one point about how he has a man-crush on some famous guy but is not gay. He also remarks that he is "awkward" when he tries to put his arm around me or something like that. I know this is probably a dumb post and I don't have anything against people who are gay, I just am sort of looking for a relationship and well, if he's gay, I'd rather know sooner rather than later. He seems to be attracted to me and we have kissed. I just can't stop thinking about this. Even when I'm with him, I just think about it over and over and try to watch his behavior and to figure it out. It's getting to be a problem. Does anyone have any advice? Am I being too analytical and worrisome? Thanks! Link to comment
Generation Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Why do girls think guys are gay from very small things like a statement such as "oh my God, Leonardo DiCaprio is such a hot guy!" especially when you're dating them? He's handsome. That's all. I'm not gay, not even bi. I'll only pretend to be more gay if you believe that I am gay, just for lulz. He's probably the same. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Why do girls think guys are gay from very small things like a statement such as "oh my God, Leonardo DiCaprio is such a hot guy!" That is gay for a guy to say. Link to comment
Furbys Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 I don't think it would mean hes gay. He found a male person attractive which is fair enough, it isn't any different from a girl saying 'Oh she is pretty'. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 That is gay for a guy to say. It's a double-standard though, in the sense that women are permitted to call each other hot/beautiful/gorgeous with no attached connotations. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 It's a double-standard though, in the sense that women are permitted to call each other hot/beautiful/gorgeous with no attached connotations. Well, there's a big difference between a guy who claims to be straight calling another man "hot" and merely commenting that the guy is good looking. Plenty of hetero guys will say that another man is attractive, but if he calls another guy "hot" that connotes some appreciation of sex appeal, and that is quite gay. I also strongly suspect that any guy who calls another guy "hot" is also saying it with a bit of a squeal. lol Link to comment
Dubb Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I am speechless by your failure to get it. I'm gonna be honest and I've had issues with your posts in the past and your failure to get things, so I have a really low opinion of you. I'm not even gonna bother. FathomFear's got it. You see, I don't have to be gay to say a guy is handsome. I think maybe it's the way you said it? I would of said he's a good looking dude and it would probably not turn heads but OMG he is so hot could come off wrong around people who don't know you.. I get what you're saying tho and agree for sure. Link to comment
Generation Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I think maybe it's the way you said it? I would of said he's a good looking dude and it would probably not turn heads but OMG he is so hot could come off wrong around people who don't know you.. I get what you're saying tho and agree for sure. You're probably right and with the 'people who don't know me' part as well. I was actually saying it as I would say it to my girlfriend (in an exaggerated manner) and half the time I am imitating her when it comes to how she perceives attractive women. Link to comment
princess1104 Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Ok thanks. As much as I wanna say that I'm being paranoid or something, I just have this feeling. And yes, I am so busy worrying about this that I'm not really enjoying hanging out with him and I don't know how I can have a relationship with a guy who I suspect may be gay. I dated a guy almost a year ago who all of a sudden when the relationship started going somewhere, said out of nowhere, "I'm incapable of being close to a girl" and ended it. Everyone told me he was gay and looking back I think he was. Maybe that's why I worry about it so much now. Gee - that's a pretty defensive, if not queenie sounding response. Hmmm... It's totally OK for a guy to be gay. BUT, not ok if he's pretending to be straight, when all along, he's secretly into dudes, and finds other men, "OMG, hot!!". OP - trust your gut. His comment combined with his behavior are telling you something, and if you're preoccupied looking for signs, then it would be hard to take him seriously, no? Link to comment
quantumst8 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Perhaps you're projecting some of your inner desires and the lack of their fulfillment onto him? It sounds like you just want a really aggressive macho man, perhaps like a pro-wrestler or Navy Seal. Nothing wrong with that. Just recognize that's what you want, let this guy go, and go find a guy that fits your desires better. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I don't care about a person's sexual orientation but when it came to dating I only dated straight men and I didn't go for men who acted in effeminate ways. I also didn't go for stereotypically "macho" men - there's a lot of gray area in between. OP -it doesn't matter if he is gay -his behaviors turn you off and this early on that's not a good sign. I'd consider moving on. Link to comment
princess1104 Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Yeah you're probably right. I really liked him, but once I noticed his voice and it hit me that he might be gay, it just kind of ruined it. I can't get rid of this nagging feeling I have. It's just going to eat away at me. Perhaps you're projecting some of your inner desires and the lack of their fulfillment onto him? It sounds like you just want a really aggressive macho man, perhaps like a pro-wrestler or Navy Seal. Nothing wrong with that. Just recognize that's what you want, let this guy go, and go find a guy that fits your desires better. Link to comment
ApocalypseDreams Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I think you are overanalyzing this. Firstly, if he was strictly gay why would he be dating you? You said yourself he seems to be attracted to you and you have kissed. Why are you dismissing that because he might have a slightly effeminate voice and a remark? Secondly, all he said was a man crush. He didn't say "OMGZ HOT!". I have man crushes on famous guys. It's not a sexual attraction, all it is is just an appreciation and admiration for another man. I have a man crush on Dave Grohl for instance. Seriously, you are looking for issues that aren't even there. Link to comment
princess1104 Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Yeah I was thinking that maybe I was noticing things that really aren't there and not issues. My therapist says sometimes I make up problems, I guess. I might just give it a couple more dates and see how I feel, I'm not sure. I think you are overanalyzing this. Firstly, if he was strictly gay why would he be dating you? You said yourself he seems to be attracted to you and you have kissed. Why are you dismissing that because he might have a slightly effeminate voice and a remark? Secondly, all he said was a man crush. He didn't say "OMGZ HOT!". I have man crushes on famous guys. It's not a sexual attraction, all it is is just an appreciation and admiration for another man. I have a man crush on Dave Grohl for instance. Seriously, you are looking for issues that aren't even there. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Plenty of hetero guys will say that another man is attractive, but if he calls another guy "hot" that connotes some appreciation of sex appeal, and that is quite gay. My point is that women are not held to the same standard, for whatever reason. Women can say things like "Girl, you look gorgeous! Smokin!", etc, and not get tagged as a lesbian. Link to comment
erzerum7 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Well, there's a big difference between a guy who claims to be straight calling another man "hot" and merely commenting that the guy is good looking. Plenty of hetero guys will say that another man is attractive, but if he calls another guy "hot" that connotes some appreciation of sex appeal, and that is quite gay. I also strongly suspect that any guy who calls another guy "hot" is also saying it with a bit of a squeal. lol Actually, no. Women are pretty free to say that other women are attractive, beautiful, or even hot. Nobody considers them lesbians because of this. If a man so much as admits that another man is handsome (which is something objective, not a question of attraction) it's basically taken that he's gay. So yes, there is a very strong double standard. I'm not whining about it, just saying. Link to comment
ut804 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Trust your gut. My best friend is in a relationship with a bisexual man but we swear he's gay, not bi! Heres why: - they don't have sex (maybe once every 6 months) - He does not like to hug, kiss, or hold hands with her - he "talks" gay - he walks and has gay gestures - He loves and oly buys designer clothes - He gets mani's and pedi's - he just has no interest in her - He tells her he never wants marriage/ kids and she could date other guys if she wants I would look for those above signs Link to comment
scklbad Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 that's a pretty gay thing to say.... anyway OP, i thin he may just be shy!Why do girls think guys are gay from very small things like a statement such as "oh my God, Leonardo DiCaprio is such a hot guy!" especially when you're dating them? He's handsome. That's all. I'm not gay, not even bi. I'll only pretend to be more gay if you believe that I am gay, just for lulz. He's probably the same. Link to comment
scklbad Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Lol!!!!!!!trust your gut. My best friend is in a relationship with a bisexual man but we swear he's gay, not bi! Heres why: - they don't have sex (maybe once every 6 months) - he does not like to hug, kiss, or hold hands with her - he "talks" gay - he walks and has gay gestures - he loves and oly buys designer clothes - he gets mani's and pedi's - he just has no interest in her - he tells her he never wants marriage/ kids and she could date other guys if she wants i would look for those above signs Link to comment
scklbad Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Completely agree and lol!well, there's a big difference between a guy who claims to be straight calling another man "hot" and merely commenting that the guy is good looking. Plenty of hetero guys will say that another man is attractive, but if he calls another guy "hot" that connotes some appreciation of sex appeal, and that is quite gay. I also strongly suspect that any guy who calls another guy "hot" is also saying it with a bit of a squeal. Lol Link to comment
22n32 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 Trust your gut. My best friend is in a relationship with a bisexual man but we swear he's gay, not bi! Heres why: - they don't have sex (maybe once every 6 months) - He does not like to hug, kiss, or hold hands with her - he "talks" gay - he walks and has gay gestures - He loves and oly buys designer clothes - He gets mani's and pedi's - he just has no interest in her - He tells her he never wants marriage/ kids and she could date other guys if she wants I would look for those above signs Pretty much right on the money... So ssssseriously ssstoooppp itt all u guys... Lmao Link to comment
princess1104 Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 I was wondering if anyone can give me advice. I've been talking to this guy for a month now and I kind of like him. He's really sweet and attractive and seems like someone I want to get to know and maybe date/be in a relationship with in the future. Well I met him for the first time on Tuesday. Here's the sort of major problem: he's has the absolute WORST teeth I've ever seen on a person in my life. Not even crooked- that doesn't bother me. It actually looks like they're decaying, teeth are missing, maybe rotting even. I was completely shocked and tried not to let him notice how surprised I was. Other than that, he's really cute. I'm really kind of upset about it because I really like him. I talk to him everyday on Facebook and he just seems like a really great guy. But I don't know what to do. I don't think I could bring myself to kiss him. He wants to go out on a date but I'm just find of afraid. I know this probably sounds shallow and I feel horrible about it. I'm a very open-minded and kind person usually. I know he's really poor and grew up poor so it's not really his fault. I also know there's no way he'll be able to get them fixed anytime soon. So what should I do? Hang out with him and get to know him and see how I feel? Or is it not even worth it? I'm afraid I'll get really attached but won't ever be able to kiss him and look past the teeth. I was thinking of mentioning them to him in as nice a way as possible to give a hint- maybe just ask if he's worried about his teeth. Maybe he needs a little push? But it kind of sounds too mean. I think it'd probably hurt his feelings. I'm just really not sure what to do because the more I talk to him, the more I like him. But in person, I had a hard time even looking at his teeth. So, does anyone have any advice? Should I move on since it bothers me? I realize it sounds shallow but it just bothers me- more than anything because it's at the point where it's really unhealthy. I feel horrible that I'm even finding this to be an issue. Any advice would be appreciated. Link to comment
Dubb Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 It's not shallow.. bad teeth is a deal breaker for me too. It's a good sign people are not taking care of themselves... how old is this guy?? Link to comment
princess1104 Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 He's 26 and I just turned 24. If his teeth weren't like that, he'd pretty much be perfect for me. Link to comment
Dubb Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Does he use drugs or was he an addict in the past? I mean that's really young... Link to comment
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