loulou37 Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Hi everyone, had to come and post cos i'm going crazy..... 5 weeks NC and now the urges to contact my ex are coming thick and fast!!! i keep thinking "right that's it, can't take anymore, i'm gonna contact him!" then i think of how the conversation could go, probably would go if i did contact him...it's making me feel sh@t, i don't want to give in to the urges, i just can't, i know i can't...he hasn't contacted me so it's obvious he has no interest in me. Christ!! when will they stop!?!? I've kept busy, started loads of new things...sometimes it makes it worse cos i wanna tell him what i been up to it's so hard when you shared everything you did each day with them...my heart is totally shattered 3 loulou x Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I used to get those urges too. You know what helped me though? Knowing that I would probably regret it afterwards. If my ex didn't bother to get in contact with me, then why waste my time? It also helps when you rightfully convince yourself that you are not going to get the response that you want. That response will most likely never come, and if it does, it will come when the dumper feels ready. At that point, it probably wouldn't even matter. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 I used to get those urges too. You know what helped me though? Knowing that I would probably regret it afterwards. If my ex didn't bother to get in contact with me, then why waste my time? It also helps when you rightfully convince yourself that you are not going to get the response that you want. That response will most likely never come, and if it does, it will come when the dumper feels ready. At that point, it probably wouldn't even matter. That's what i keep trying to do, think of the response i'll get then it stops me, then i get bloody angry at myself for even contemplating contacting him...then i'm back to them bloody stupid awful urges again!! How long did it take you to get over the urges Greencupcake? Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I think it was about a month after we broke up that I stopped getting the urges. I contacted him two weeks after we broke up (he responded). I contacted him again two weeks later and he didn't respond back that time. It finally hit me that he didn't really want to talk to me. I knew right then and there that I wouldn't contact him again. It can be a back and forth struggle but you will eventually reach a point where you just know. If you have apologized and said all you needed to say and they haven't given you that in return, then it's up to them to contact you and explain themselves. That's not even a guarantee though. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 we been broke up since the first week in sept. spoke a few times initiated by me cos i wanted a face to face, that was 5 wks ago and i been NC since...lately it's been killing me, i thought he loved me that much that he would've contacted me by now what a fool i am. i suppose i just need that moment to come of knowing that's it. loulou x Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 You're not a fool. It's completely normal to feel the way that you do. That moment will come As time passes, you will probably start to realize all the things that you didn't like about him and why you two wouldn't have been a good match in the first place. Link to comment
Mr Man Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CONTACT HIM! Nothing good will come of it, NOTHING. Everything bad will come from it, EVERYTHING! BIG NO NO! And the urges are normal, be disciplined. 5 weeks, you're doing well, don't screw it up!... The pain does settle! Healthy healing best wishes Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 it's so hard to find things wrong with him lol, everything was good with us loulou x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CONTACT HIM! Nothing good will come of it, NOTHING. Everything bad will come from it, EVERYTHING! BIG NO NO! And the urges are normal, be disciplined. 5 weeks, you're doing well, don't screw it up!... The pain does settle! Healthy healing best wishes thank you mr. man, you're right i can't screw it up, can't believe i even got this far, i'm usually such a weak person. loulou x Link to comment
GreenCupcake Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 Nothing annoyed you about him? lol Is that how you always feel about him or only during the moments when you are overwhelmed?? Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 we had problems, external stuff but i stuck with him cos i loved him, he was a lovely person, we had a lovely relationship, it's true. It all became too much for him, i would of kept on going but he could'nt and he bailed. loulou x Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 24, 2011 Share Posted November 24, 2011 I totally feel you. It was mostly when I was busy with other things and achieved something when I wanted to contact him the most. We used to share everything, he was the first to know my good or bad news... Tonight I want to contact him more than anything (that[s why I am here, browsing the forums, to forget about it). The reason is the most stupid ever... I went on a date for the first time in 4.5 years with a guy. All I made was to think of my first day with the ex after getting back home. And I want to contact him so badly... What makes it worse is that he said he want us to have contact and I know he will be casual and friendly if I call him (of course not it case I will start crying or talk about my date). Nothing annoyed me about him either. He was perfect, all I could ever ask, until he came one day out of the blue and said the "i love you but i need to be alone" thing, and he disappeared! Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 24, 2011 Author Share Posted November 24, 2011 I know too if i contact my ex he will talk to me but i know i want more so i don't do it and i know exactly where you're coming from talking to other guys, i keep trying to move on, just going on chat sites to talk, all the guys just want to talk sex and it repulses me, i just end up thinking about my ex when my ex and me had our face to face, he also said he loves me but just can't see it working for us....why couldn't he just say he didn't love me? that would have been so much easier for me. loulou x Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 O lou lou I totally understand how you feel! When my ex broke up with me I even asked him to say he doesn't feel the same way about me because it would be easier ! He instead came out with the line 'I will always feel the same way about you, I still love you' I mean SERIOUSLY??! Link to comment
toby17 Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Contacting him while you feel like this isn't a good idea because you're too needy and therefore the contacts not likely to go well. Tell yourself you'll think about whether to contact him when you don't have an overwhelming urge and you can be rational about it. Who's done the contacting so far? What has that achieve? What will contacting him again do? How will it be different? Link to comment
dobbin Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 i am having a rough night. i really want to contact him. we had everything a month ago and now neither of us has anything. we are both constantly sad and hurt. i will be strong and not contact him because i know i wont get the answer i want and it will set me back 10 steps and i will be hurt even more. went over there last night to get my mail. he still has all our pictures on the wall. it ate me alive. he put out the ring he gave to me but i couldnt take it with me because it is too painful. had a dream he proposed to me but i dont believe that will ever come true. i guess am just rambling to prevent myself from contacting him. Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 dobbin I am with you at this, I have a rough night, too. At this time, exactly 4 weeks ago I was happy, sleeping with him after arranging our Christmas holidays trip. And in a few hours, he broke up with me because althought he loves me and I am the perfect girl, he realized he is not the commitment person and has to focus on his career. I have my cellphone far away from me this night on purpose, so I will think twice till I go accross the rooms and get it and I won't contact him, that's stupid I know! I texted him a happy birthday message 10 days ago, I didn't want to call him, and he called me back... I was so hurt, 100 steps behind, so I know I shouldn't contact him. Tonight I have the strongest desire to do it though... Link to comment
northpickle Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Hi loulou Just offering my support really as I'm in a similar situation as you know - also broke up the first week in September and I'm currently 4 weeks of NC. Things are really starting to move on for me now - I have loads of things to say and to talk to him about but really, what would be the point? I would send a chatty email or something, he would send one back, and that would be it. I'd be back in the same position and probably feeling a lot worse! So I know exactly what you're going through The first time we met up after break-up, yep, he said he still had feelings for me as well. Although obviously not enough to work on things. So I'm trying to keep in the mindset that it is his loss. Trying hard anyway! Plus I'm not sure what it's like for you, but the weekends are still the roughest time for me, when I miss him most. I actually don't want him back though, not now. I still love him, miss him and all that. But he's put me through enough. For the first time in my life I'm enjoying the time and space. If he were ever to say to me that he has made a mistake or anything like that, I would seriously have to think about things after all the hurt I've gone through. Link to comment
StrwberryWine Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 My BU was also the first week of September and he also said he still loved me but needed space. Up until this week I had done 3 weeks of NIC!! Then I sent a package of his stuff and didn't hear from him for a week after the package had been 'received.' I sent him a message just saying, hey I sent you a package, go pick it up from the front office, it's been there for a week. Then he started a whole little conversation about the package, I don't understand what exactly he was trying to do. There was nothing to respond to in my message. In the short back and forth, I tried to make my messages such that he would have a hard time responding back, but he continued the convo for a bit. Then he initiated contact again the next day, thanking me for sending him his stuff and asking for my address (which he already has!). I texted back 'Same address.' Lol. I didn't hear from him after that - I couldn't have been more blunt. But yesterday for Thanksgiving, I drove through the town he currently lives in and where we used to live together. The combination of recently talking to him (and confused about his perceived friendliness) and letting myself immerse in the memories I have of that town and our time together has really effed me up. I just spent a good 10 minutes crying, which I haven't done in a long time. So I went to ENA to rant and read. I feel so much better having written it out. I feel guilty about contacting him about the package. At least it was a sterile conversation and I didn't fall into the 'how are you doing? I miss you' crap.... Link to comment
StrwberryWine Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Sorry for the double post but I wanted to clarify: I drove through the town we used to live in together because I had to in order to visit my extended family for Thanksgiving. Also, I spent all evening yesterday and this morning talking myself out of texting him... And trying to not think about him. I feel really hurt today. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted November 25, 2011 Author Share Posted November 25, 2011 Our stories sound so similar....yea the weekends are absoluley torture and it's starting already, i've had the pain surging through me all day, i swear i don't know how much longer i can resist the urges!! i cried today cos i miss him sooo effin much!! i can not believe that he has not contacted me in all this time!! (6 wks NC come tuesday) i never thought it would come to this, i totally trusted him my daughter said to just text him and ask him how he is...he'd answer i know he would, out of guilt but nothing else...i'm broken over this 3 this guy wanted me to open my heart to him, i finally did and he dropped me from the highest height. loulou x Link to comment
northpickle Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 Aw, bless you I'm hanging on for dear life as 6pm Friday was always the time he would pick me up and we would spend the weekend together - a year ago exactly we had the most brilliant weekend away in the snow. It's going to be a tough one for me tonight but determined to get through it smiling Well, one smile will do! I know, I can't believe it's been that long since I saw and spoke to him too, it seems weird. The time is making me doubt what he said during and post break-up actually, How I was special to him, how much he cared about me, how he sometimes (that's the important word!) thought I was the one...bah! If he cares that much he knows where I am. It still really hurts but I'm leaving him well alone. We can do this loulou x Link to comment
StrwberryWine Posted November 25, 2011 Share Posted November 25, 2011 I want to text my ex soo badly. Phone in hand, I want to say, 'how are you?' Link to comment
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