Theres a special place in hell for people who rebound to feel better

[Mellie]

I think, sometimes, with some folk, a lot of pretty unhealthy stereotyping goes on. "Rebounds"; "GIG'S 'Syndrome'"; "Commitmentphobes"; whatever. It's like, if you can define people, put them into their little pigeon hole, all will be well with the world. They fit into their concise little slot and you can predict exactly what's going to happen next. But you can't. You never can. There are no "goodies" and "baddies". We're all shades of grey. Sometimes people let you down. Sometimes people surprise you in the most wonderful way. But you only know once it's reached that climax (or trough).

 

If it looks like it's working, and it feels like it's working, then it's working. Til it ain't. Lol.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

People who jump straight into dating a few minutes after a break up..and people who have a habit of doing that, will always come up with rationales and excuses:

1. It is their fault for getting involved with me when I was honest therefore I am blameless.

2. The relationship was over long before I chose to end it.

3. I am not looking for anything serious, I just want to date (and then they end up in a relationship for a while and then dump the new person because they suddenly realize they are not ready).

4. I may as well move on..how else can I move forward with my life if I am not dating (in other words they think that in order to move on you absolutely need to find someone else...you can't possibly move on and forward with your life being without a love interest for a while).

 

Lots and lots of excuses to justify what really amounts to dependence on a relationship and fear of being alone.

[dabbledave]

My ex is (or was) a serial rebounder, unfortunately.

 

While her relationship with me was possibly the one with the most promise (we had a lot in common and we even got engaged), I knew throughout she was still a little hung up on a guy she had a relationship with in post-grad school 15 years earlier.

 

She jumped from relationship to relationship since that one with little or no alone-time and never fully healed.

 

One thing I tried to convince her of after we broke up is her need to be single for a while. She said she agreed with that, but I can't believe anything she has said for the past 12 months; and I'm pretty sure she's hunting for a replacement now if she hasn't already found one.

 

C'est la vie.

 

DD

[John3572]

When someone uses another person to make themselves feel better that is 100% wrong. Just because the person is agreeable because they hope a relationship will result of a trial, the rebounder knows that they're stringing the person along until they are healed from their recent breakup or strong enough to be single.

 

The reboundee winds up hurt. It is not ethical to hurt someone else because you were hurt.

[AnnaN]

If you have no feelings for the new person and are using them as a band-aid, then it is a rebound. If you have just met a wonderful person within weeks of a breakup and they are just an exceptional person, then you'd have to be a total idiot to pass it up. I heal very quickly, so I didn't really bring any baggage into the relationship except that any man I was going to be with could not smoke, drink, or use recreational drugs. T was all of that, plus he was successful, funny, caring, great in bed, loved animals, tall, good looking, just every woman's dream. I was supposed to say NO to that? Not in this lifetime.

 

So good for you! Your break up did happen for a reason, to find this man!

My break up is fresh, I may not feel ready for a new relationship but I know that if I meet a man the way I want him, I won't let him go. In theory, yes, sitting here without a man like that around, I don't feel ready, but when he comes up I know I will be, even if it happens tomorrow.

[Thorshammer]

I agree, take the pain face-on. I would intensify the hurt by listening to music and closing the door. It got it all out.

 

I wouldnt jump into something with someone else, but I would go out on dates, to satisfy my needs of companionship and sex. As though I dont deceive them, and I am not plugging in a replacement to cover-up the pain, i go along fine. I guess its based on experience, i can be with someone and not care so much about them, i am not so quick to catch feelings.

 

I believe taking the pain face-on and knowing its ok, is what got me to heal the fastest. I am 5 months after BU and fully healed now and I am ready and looking for a new relationship.