Don't know what to make of this

[JU27]

I have been seeing a guy for 8 months. I met him 8 months ago at a coffee shop. I met a couple other people since then, but he has been the only one I've been seeing. We have been seeing eachother pretty consistently since then. He always asks me when I'm going to kiss him, and I haven't yet. He has said that he likes me a lot. However, when we're together he doesn't try to touch me. He doesn't really try to get to know me, although our conversations seem to be good. There's not a lot of depth to them, though. I like him, but still don't know much about him, I feel like.

 

Recently, he said he wants to give me oral sex. I think I made a mistake by saying ok....Also I think I made a mistake by mentioning sex a few times ( I just haven't been intimate in a really long time). But then I said I'm only comfortable with that if we are in a commited relationship. He said that we are, and that he is my boyfriend. He'se asked me a couple times about doing oral...I probably should have never mentioned it.

 

However, we don't see eachother often (once a week at the most, if that). He never texts or calls me. I'm always the one to text first. Even then, he rarely replies to me. I mentioned this when I saw him, and he said he'se trying to get better at replying.

 

I can see how he would be frustrated with us not kissing yet, and he'se been really patient so far. I just can't tell if he'se into me. He doesn't initiate a lot with me. We have never been on a real date (other than meeting at the coffee shop). I have mentioned going to the movies, or going to a resturaunt a couple times, but it hasn't gone anywhere. Also, since we've been seeing eachother so long, I went into his house and layed on his bed with him a couple times. Even then, he didn't try to cuddle with me very much. We didn't do anything beyond laying next to eachother. So, I don't know if I should have sex with him now, because we haven't gone on any dates or anything (when we meet we sit in my car and talk). Also, I'm really new to dating, and a little clueless I admit.

What do you think?

[badcat3]

You've been together for 8 months and not gone on any dates? Your relationship is moving at a very slow pace so it makes sense that you haven't been intimate. Before you invest any more time in the relationship I suggest that you begin going on dates and kissing (before anything else) to see if there is chemistry.

[RedDress]

Wait. For the last 8 months you've been going to a coffee shop about once a week and you sit in the parking lot in your car and talk to him. Is that right? I mean... you don't even go in the coffee shop?

 

I don't think think this man is your boyfriend (despite what he says). I'm not even sure he's really a friend. I mean... if this was a girlfriend of yours... wouldn't you find this weird? Wouldn't you question why they don't want to grab a coffee or bite to eat?

 

I think this man is taking advantage of your apprehension when it comes to dating (he's putting in minimal effort and asking for sex). I definitely think you should be going on dates, kissing, meeting each other's friends or family (that last part is because this guy seems to want to avoid people?) before you even think of getting naked with him.

 

A relationship is as much a social thing as it is a sexual thing. I don't think you have the social part down with him yet. I don't think you should be going for the sexual...

[Ariel85]

8 months and you've never had a date, he asks you nothing about yourself, you've never even kissed, he never contacts you and ignores most of your texts, yet he suddenly offers to go down on you?

 

Am I the only one who is perplexed?

 

Actually, I'm not. He's either married, or seriously involved with someone else.

[Looking4answrs]

Weird- Never heard of no kissing, just immediate ask for oral sex. Get out of this or press him for answers.

[JU27]

Let me clarify a little, We were both talking about sex, I don't know who mentioned oral first.

[Julia Durst]

I think you are pushing the relationship way too fast.

Go slow and built. He will gradually start to love you.