penguin22 Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Okay, so my best friend and I have been friends since the 1st week of freshmen year in high school. We are now both 24 years old so our friendship is almost 10 years long. We've had our ups and downs but no matter what I've ALWAYS been there for her. She has turned to me more often because she's been the type of friend where she wants to go on and on about her issues looking for me to solve her problems without hearing about the difficulties I may be having in my life. Nonetheless, I would always be her friend. We helped each other survive high school. Now, after going to different colleges, we grew a little apart but we still kept in contact through FB, phone, chat, and email. However, the main issue she's had is dating men. She dates the wrong kind of guys, and has been sheltered her whole life. She still lives at home with her mom and dad and has to abide by her rules. I on the other had have been independent most of my life. My mom wasn't really around but I learned to fend for myself, my dad let me go out with friends as long as I was back at a decent hour, and I moved out when I was 19. The main issue I have now, is that I am currently happily engaged, my wedding is in 3 months, and my best friend of 10 years refuses to go to my wedding and she wont tell me why. She has told me in the past that she's jealous of me in many ways but still! I don't get it, I wish she would just put things aside and suck it up and attend She's told me that she's been able to sneak behind her parents back, lie to them about going to work or going out with church friends, to go out with a guy yet she can't make an effort to go to my wedding. It's only a 45-1hr public transit ride or if she gets a ride from someone then its only half an hour (she doesn't drive either). She says its complicated as to why she wont go to my wedding. The one most important day of my life and she wont attend? Anyone care to help me with some advice? I am not sure what to do or say. I feel that if she doesn't attend, that it will put a damper in our friendship since it's really important to me. Link to comment
Deejmonster Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I feel that if she doesn't attend, that it will put a damper in our friendship since it's really important to me. This would indeed change the relationship that the two of you have. Maybe point this out to her... As far as I know.. and anyone, please interject, jealousy can really be a bitter thing in a relationship. Is there a way of really sitting her down and explaining to her how much she means to you and how her presence alone would make the day all the more better? I feel like with some persistence and some encouragement on your end, you will not only be able to get the real reason out of her, but also you will find a way to get her to see why she should go to your wedding. That is all I can really offer you right now... but please keep us posted on any updates or questions that you have along your way in finding a solution. You have friends here too in which you can turn to when you need more advice or help. Good luck Deejmonster Link to comment
Keyman Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I does sound like it's been a one sided friendship, so I wonder what you get out of it? The issues sounds to be one of full jealousy. You've been friends for so long, but now you are about to be part of something big, something she likely also wants for herself, she is jealous as hell and it is making her want to distance herself from what she considers to be a hurtful event. She is also losing her best friend (in her mind) and is upset by that. If she is prepared to not go to the wedding, then perhaps it is time the friendship fades away. Friendships aren't necessarily forever, some change to work in with life changes, while other last until the need for them is no longer there. Unless you can get a proper answer to the issue, then perhaps it's time to take a long break and focus on your immediate friends. Of course, there could be something else... Like she slept with someone that she knows will be at the wedding and doen't want to run into them... Link to comment
penguin22 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 Thanks Keyman & Deejmonster. I have thought of letting the friendship go before however, I feel like without me she'll be lost, and I love helping people. Then again, a lot of my friends have told me that you can only help people who want to be helped. I give and I give to her, make myself available to her, when she goes through break ups and such, but when I ask for one important thing she says no. However, at times I feel like I am being selfish by asking her to attend my big day. I am so lost. I've tried asking her to get to the bottom of things, but she avoids answering. Link to comment
Keyman Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 But sometimes the best way to help someone is to let them go. It sounds like if she has ever had trouble she has never had to stand on her own two feet because you've been there as a crutch. She depends on you. It doesn't have to be forever, but letting her go for a while might be just exactly what she needs... Link to comment
penguin22 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 Update: I just got off the phone with my "best friend" and she told me that being jealous of my fiance and I is only PART of the reason as to why she wont go to my wedding. The others include: 2. Ties into number 1: she doesnt want to go by herself because she doesn't want to go single or bring a friend because she's jealous 3. She doesn't want to travel the 45-1 hour commute to go to my wedding. 4. She claims to have nothing to wear (she has tons of fancy dresses that she's only wore once) 5. She doesn't want to defy her parents. *sigh* I don't know what to do.... Link to comment
Jacanorie Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 She seems a bit selfish. Do you think she expected to be part of your bridal party or play a role in your wedding? Maybe she (unfairly) feels rejected. Link to comment
penguin22 Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 Jacanorie: No, I know that she didn't want to be a part of the bridal party or any role because of the issue with her parents. She wouldn't be able to participate in anything because she still has a curfew Link to comment
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