SweetSeul Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Despite expecting otherwise, the ex sent me an e-mail for my birthday. His e-mail essentially said, sorry for not replying immediately (to my very short final goodbye e-mail sent 3 weeks ago, I wasn't expecting a response anyway and did it for my own closure as I wanted finality). So sorry still for everything. I know it's your birthday and would like to wish you Happy Birthday. Also want to wish you the best in everything. Really hope you have a good time and please always take care of yourself. I don't want to respond. Just reading the damned thing drains so much energy from me and I am certain I will feel the same or even worse if I do respond. I appreciate the greeting, I really do. I just don't have it in me to respond or communicate with him for a while. I feel it will set me back in my healing. However, I am open to a possible friendship/being on good terms waaaay down in the future and do not want to burn bridges. As for reconciliation, I am still undecided. Sometimes I think I want it (waaay down in the future, perhaps), sometimes I don't. I ask myself this question so many times and I never have a steadfast answer. There are days or moments when I do, other times I don't. It has only been 6 weeks since the B.U. Since I am still in regular contact with his parents (very LTR and parents considered me their daughter-in-law already), I am considering just relaying my message of thanks to his parents to impart to him. Is this okay? I am also considering relaying a message that I might block him on FB. Just as a possible heads up if I do decide to go this route. His parents have been very impartial, they usually just check up on me and want to make sure I'm okay. Again, I don't want to burn bridges. Break up was as amicable as it could get. But we were together for soooo long, and I know I really need time and space to recover and completely heal from this. What should I do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomuch2hope Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Just say thanks... no more no less Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
octour Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Tell him he missed it and it was yesterday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mellie Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I wouldn't go via the parents. If you don't feel like replying right now, then don't. You also shouldn't have to notify him that you're removing him from FB. It kind of goes without saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsunrise Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 You don't have to reply. Do you think it is fair for him to expect a reply anyway, considering he didn't reply to your last email? He might not even expect a reply. If you feel like saying thanks, then do just that, and be done with it. Otherwise just ignore it and don't let it drain any more of your energy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSeul Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Will not replying and blocking on FB come accross as burning bridges/not open to future communication anymore? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Do not go through the parents. Just send the one word reply of "Thanks". This way you have acknowledged his birthday wishes without warmth but politely. If he dumped you then there is no reason why you have to keep him on Facebook. He made his choice to cut you out of his real life..so now you can make the choice to cut him out of the very fake, impersonal cop out for sincere relationships, internet life. If he truly wants to get back together with you, cutting him out of your life after he dumped you is not going to deter him. He would find a real and solid way of coming back to you and would fully understand why you had to cut him out once he dumped you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsunrise Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Yes. You have the right to disconnect from him if that is what you feel you need to do in order to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnoliatree Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 If he truly wants to get back together with you, cutting him out of your life after he dumped you is not going to deter him. He would find a real and solid way of coming back to you and would fully understand why you had to cut him out once he dumped you. This. I've deleted/blocked exes and they have come back. If they want to return, deleting them from anything isn't going to matter, it only will stop the ones that were never going to make a real effort to come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John3572 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Be friends on FB, it doesn't hurt. I don't know why people feel like they should hate their ex. Relationships involve spending time together and sharing experiences. I'm not saying you have to be best buddies after a breakup but you don't have to cut off all communication afterward either. Be adults, be mature. It's just a social networking site. Also, don't go through his parents. That's immature. That would be like him telling his parents that he wants to break up and having them relay that you you. Immature, right? E-mail him back "thank you" and enjoy your birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tomuch2hope Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Be friends on FB, it doesn't hurt. I don't know why people feel like they should hate their ex. Relationships involve spending time together and sharing experiences. I'm not saying you have to be best buddies after a breakup but you don't have to cut off all communication afterward either. Be adults, be mature. It's just a social networking site.. I agree. Unless your ex has done something seriously wrong - abuse, cheating, drink/drugs or other, and the relationship ended on a good note then why not maintain some communication. Especially if the relationship was very long term. Ok, something didn't click, but you've know this person for a large portion of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dryyoureyes Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 don´t respond. they have chosen to delete you from their lives. It doesn´t really matter to you if you respond or not....mainly it gives them an egoboost 8...I haven´t been that bad, since she responds etc...) just leave it. he is not part of your life and he will never be...no need to bother about it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mellie Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Will not replying and blocking on FB come accross as burning bridges/not open to future communication anymore? I think if that's the case then there's a pretty good argument there why it ended. If those bridges are so easily burnt they were pretty flimsy to begin with. Blocking someone from Facebook isn't cutting them out of your life in the real world. They can still get hold of you if they want to. FB is mostly BS anyway. And yes, I think it can hurt the dumpee, a lot. It holds them back. Before you know it, as time goes on and you start to miss him, you're looking at his updates and all that hooha, reopening all the old wounds over and over. Worse still, "whose that girl posting on his page?". Take a look around, there are plenty of cautionary FB tales. Who needs it? It's just an added complication to an already hard enough situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Did he say, "I'm sorry for not responding sooner." or "Sorry for not responding sooner."? Did he ask how you were doing? Short answer: no. He asked nothing. He invested nothing. He emotionally vomited all over you with statements. I I I, Me Me Me. What about you? Why should you respond? He, "Hopes you're doing well." He didn't say, "Hey how are you doing?" Don't talk to the parents either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSeul Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Did he say, "I'm sorry for not responding sooner." or "Sorry for not responding sooner."? Did he ask how you were doing? Short answer: no. He asked nothing. He invested nothing. He emotionally vomited all over you with statements. I I I, Me Me Me. What about you? Why should you respond? He, "Hopes you're doing well." He didn't say, "Hey how are you doing?" Don't talk to the parents either. So I shouldn't say Thank you then, basically? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doiiiieeezie Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Just say thank you and move on... i read the email he sent you and it really wasn't a bday wish, but you will want to rise above and be the bigger person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awoken Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I would email a quick thank you my ex and I have been broken up for 5 weeks now. I sent her a congratulations card for finishing her degree. She sent a thank you emal, very polite and short. Didn't make me feel any better about our situation, or worse. But If I didn't get one I think I'd be a little peeved off, just thinking "Those 4 years with me must have sucked!". Anyway, you have to make that decision in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSeul Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 Just say thank you and move on... i read the email he sent you and it really wasn't a bday wish, but you will want to rise above and be the bigger person. How do you mean it wasn't a birthday wish? Did you get something from the e-mail that I didn't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSeul Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 I would email a quick thank you my ex and I have been broken up for 5 weeks now. I sent her a congratulations card for finishing her degree. She sent a thank you emal, very polite and short. Didn't make me feel any better about our situation, or worse. But If I didn't get one I think I'd be a little peeved off, just thinking "Those 4 years with me must have sucked!". Anyway, you have to make that decision in the end. Were you the dumper or dumpee in this situation? As the dumpee, I am just out for whatever will help my healing. But again don't want to close doors for future communication way down the line. Just the thought of sending him any sort of response at the moment makes me feel ill. But maybe just the words Thank You will do then back to NC? Will it reset my NC back to Day 1 though? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I really don't think it is a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigbang Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 I think you can accomplish more with silence than you would with a reply. Like they say "silence is deafening" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doiiiieeezie Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 sorry for not replying immediately (to my very short final goodbye e-mail sent 3 weeks ago, I wasn't expecting a response anyway and did it for my own closure as I wanted finality). So sorry still for everything. I know it's your birthday and would like to wish you Happy Birthday. Also want to wish you the best in everything. Really hope you have a good time and please always take care of yourself. He waited until your bday to respond and avoid the email that you had sent him weeks earlier. Even if you never expected a response, he avoided what was said and gave a general response. Your only way to rise above this is to say Thank You. It will make him think yes... but this is not for him. What do you really want to do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightInTheSky Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Just the thought of sending him any sort of response at the moment makes me feel ill. Well thats your answer right there. Wait until your ready and the thought doesn't make you feel sick. If further down the road when you have healed and feel ready then you can always shoot him the kind of email he sent you. Something like "hey sorry I never thanked you for the B-Day wishes, hope your doing well" and that reply does not have to be now, its ok. Also as for the facebook, you don't need to block him, I'm one of the few advocators for keeping the lines of facebook open. It can be a nice way of in the very distant future to SLOWLY reopen the lines of communication to be friends. One of my exs from over a year ago has recently contacted me and we have developed a friendship. Now we are definitely NOT getting back together, it was a flimsy high school relationship and he has a girlfriend right now and I am heeling from my recent ex, however its a good example of how facebook can bring about friendship later on when you have both heeled if that is what you decide. Had I deleted him from facebook we would not have got back into contact because over the year we have both changed phone/phone numbers and we no longer go to the same school. Its up to you but if you are finding facebook is interfering with your healing process then one of the things I did was put my ex in a group (like the family, works, school groups that facebook automatically makes for you) and I called the group block, I then went to my chat thing and went to limit availability and then went to make me unavailable to "blocked" so now I don't see when he is online and he doesn't see when I am on. This way I wasn't constantly checking facebook to see if he was on and then freaking out wondering what he was doing when he wasn't on, because I had choose not to see, I also unsubscribed to him so I wouldn't get all his updates. These are just a few suggestions that I found helped me. Take or leave what you feel will be best for you and remember your gut feeling is often right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSeul Posted November 20, 2011 Author Share Posted November 20, 2011 It will make him think yes... but this is not for him. Sorry, saying thank you will make him think yes...about what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loulou37 Posted November 20, 2011 Share Posted November 20, 2011 Sorry, saying thank you will make him think yes...about what? Omg!! he sent the bday wish!! See you didn't expect that in a million years...just goes to show that we know nothing of what the future holds.. I'd never know if my ex sent me a bday wish as my son blocked his e-mail and reported it as hacking my ac If it was me, now, in the present moment....i would say thank you, all the effort it takes to try not to say anything or thinking if you should say anything, just drains the energy from you, if you want to be friends then i'd say thanks to him, besides if you say nothing he'll think you're angry n hurt still...even if you are loulou x oh and sweetseul, belated bday wishes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.thumb.jpg.619cbf9ada685acba712967edfb3e7aa.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.a7437edbcaa5924fb077b36bf6653986.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.65c4c15f72ce59b381ef6ad97046db0f.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.