Heal first...

[flyerfan6656]

i finally realized what really needs to be done, i talked to my ex last nite, and from the time until we broke up to yesterday, i havent been acting like myself.. HEALING really is the key, you can not attract your ex while you are emotionally attached to them, it just wont work... last sunday i told my ex not to txt me until she knew what she wanted, so txted me yesterday, and asked me a dumb question about my sister dating a guy...im like ok? then we talked on the phone for a lil... before we hung up, she told me that she was gonna txt me after her nap, i said ok....2 mins after we hung up, i txted her and i was like..wait..waitt.. dont txt me when you wake up, cuz things are gonna start all over again, and obviously things arnt ok..ima fall back..have a good weekend said.. you too i feel good about going NC..when i think im 100% healed ill see what happens, but for now im working on myself, and you kno what? i might attract another girl..who knows...ima let the future decide... so for all the dumppessss..... HEAL FIRST..dont take the friendship, because it wont work, especially if you are trying to be friends right after the break up...good luck....

[EgoJoe]

How many people have said this to you already? You've already played with fire alot man. You haven't even STARTED the big healing. If this was a wound you'd barely be coagulated around the edges of the gash because you keep ripping the scab off.

 

She's walking all over you and doesn't give a damn about your feelings. I hope for your sake you stick with NC for awhile. I don't mean to be rude yet I think it's necessary. WAKE UP!

[HoliPoli]

I just told my ex to die or fall of the face of the earth and change his name. Of course I didn't mean it, I guess I'm too angry over the breakup still. I need some major healing. This sucks.

[flyerfan6656]

How many people have said this to you already? You've already played with fire alot man. You haven't even STARTED the big healing. If this was a wound you'd barely be coagulated around the edges of the gash because you keep ripping the scab off.

 

She's walking all over you and doesn't give a damn about your feelings. I hope for your sake you stick with NC for awhile. I don't mean to be rude yet I think it's necessary. WAKE UP!

what you dont undertand is.... I ALWAYS am the one to initiate the NC, but she always comes back..i guess its my fault for answering her, but this time..i healing..ima need like 2-3 monts... she tried to trick me yesterday and say that she would txt me, but i was like..wait waitt.. no..as u already read in my post

[flyerfan6656]

I just told my ex to die or fall of the face of the earth and change his name. Of course I didn't mean it, I guess I'm too angry over the breakup still. I need some major healing. This sucks.

we all do.... how long are u in NC so far?

[HoliPoli]

we all do.... how long are u in NC so far?

 

well that literally happened not even an hour ago so day 1. he just sent me this text last night that said "thanks for being awesome" and i got so mad. I don't want to be the awesome ex that gets a pat on the back for good behavior.

[EgoJoe]

I'm sure you'd like to think I don't understand but the truth is that I've read most of your threads as well as commented on them. She's not "coming back" when you "initiate nc" she's sniffing around when you stop chasing her.

 

True NC is ignoring and only speaking on your terms. You'll need longer than two to three months of true NC. She didn't try to trick you she DID fish for a response for where you're at and you gave it to her. Your Egos are dancing and you're not playing to win. Getting the Egos out of this takes times, energy, effort and you guessed it moving on completely.

 

I'm about two weeks shy of six months out from my official breakup after some significant downhill time and that will be three months NC for me and one and a half for my Ex. I'm ignoring her now for the same reason I just harped at you. She's fishing for a response to see where I'm at. She failed the honest conversation offer and this is what she gets. You'll get to where I'm at soon, I promise. Where you won't talk until there is something worth talking about and guess what? I'm not even interested in talking with reconciling with my Ex right now. I still have anger stage flare ups and mostly post here iterating advice I've gotten and perspective leaps I've attained due to my own mistakes (which weren't that severe but I hold myself to a ridiculous standard).

[flyerfan6656]

id have to disagree..everybody is different..everyones situation is differnt, what if in 3 months i could care less about her... time will tell, all i kno is that if i feel im ready then w.e happens happens, but until then..shes getting on my nerves

[flyerfan6656]

and another thing i mite add is that if an ex is stringing along a person, that has to mean that they still care at least a lil but, cuz i kno that if i dumped someone that i didnt care about, they would be out my life completely..there would be no going back

[EgoJoe]

Of course they still care and without going into the details of that "care" it doesn't mean they want you back!

 

The reason why I don't believe you'll be healed is because your posts REEK of denial. I don't think you've ever left it to go through the stages and to gain perspective. It's over, she doesn't want you back, it's not even on her mind, you've been delaying your healing and posting alot of threads about the same thing whilst being very slightly worded differently.

 

I'm not pulling any punches with you man because I want you to get the respect you deserve from this girl AND YOURSELF!

[flyerfan6656]

Of course they still care and without going into the details of that "care" it doesn't mean they want you back!

 

The reason why I don't believe you'll be healed is because your posts REEK of denial. I don't think you've ever left it to go through the stages and to gain perspective. It's over, she doesn't want you back, it's not even on her mind, you've been delaying your healing and posting alot of threads about the same thing whilst being very slightly worded differently.

 

I'm not pulling any punches with you man because I want you to get the respect you deserve from this girl AND YOURSELF!

so you say u have read my threads, and everything like that....do you think its all over, or would you say there could be a chance between her and i in the future?

[loulou37]

It doesn't matter now cos you're going NC to heal!!

 

loulou x

[sonypirates]

You're almost there...at least in realizing you need to heal before things can happen correctly. So stop asking questions about the break up and actually heal, instead of telling everyone you know what to do to heal but don't actually do it.

[loulou37]

You're almost there...at least in realizing you need to heal before things can happen correctly. So stop asking questions about the break up and actually heal, instead of telling everyone you know what to do to heal but don't actually do it.

 

here here.

 

loulou x

[EgoJoe]

so you say u have read my threads, and everything like that....do you think its all over, or would you say there could be a chance between her and i in the future?

 

 

Yes but not until both of you do a few things.

 

Those things are:

 

Get your head out of your butts.

 

Heal.

 

Move on.

 

Let go of foolish pride.

 

Grow up.

 

Gain perspective.

 

See other people.

 

Learn.

 

Grow

 

Change.

 

Then and only then will any chance; that may or may not be, have a CHANCE to be long lasting and successful. I get the same way man and have to seek advice from others still. It's a thousand times easier to see things objectively when you're not attached. So detach.

[bigbang]

flyerfan6656,

 

I've read a lot of your posts and even though you seem to know what you have/should do, you keep doing something else.

Why don't you do what you're preaching? I understand that it's hard not to talk to her, believe me, I do.

You know you should be healing, yet you keep playing her games. Does she care about you?, probably. Does she want to get back together with you? Not now as you know. Will she want to get back together in a later/distant future? Nobody knows.

 

The fact is that for us humans it becomes impossible to just accept things as what they are. The uncertainty kills us inside. We want to know what the future holds, we want to know why things are the way the are. But, the only possible way of you getting your life back is just letting it go. Just accept that you can't change certain things.

 

The most important step in healing is acceptance, accept that maybe you made mistakes in your relationship, accept that your girlfriend decided not to be with you, accept that there's nothing you can do now that will change her mind. There's absolutely nothing you can do that will make her wake-up one morning and want to give you a second chance... Time will. Let time do its job and let it sink into her head; that you're gone and that you were alone before you met her and you can certainly continue to live without her. If she wants to try again one day then great, if not then it's her fault and it's her lost.

 

The fact that most people preach No-Contact here is because it will help you clear your head. It will make you see things from a detached perspective. You're blinded by your ego and your emotions right now and you just want to get back together to stop the suffering. However, the only way to overcome suffering is to accept it. Will it hurt? Absolutely, nobody said it will be easy. But, in the long run it will make you a better man. When will the suffering stop? There's noway to know, you start feeling less and less as the days go by until one day you wake up and you can careless if she calls/texts/talks to you. When that days comes, only then you can decide whether you want to contact her or not. Don't fool yourself thinking you're ready, the way you think it's not the way you feel remember that.

 

Thus, my advise is just to stop playing her games man. Let her enjoy the freedom she wants and you enjoy yours.

The greatest revenge is success whether it's with her or with somebody else.

 

Stay strong my friend. We are all going through the same thing... you're not alone.

[Thorshammer]

Yes, heal and move on. If they ever do come back, you will be like you were during your first date with them, calm, cool, and not expecting so much and letting things slowly play out. You cant be confident and calm when you feel like you need her, and you cant live without her, etc.

 

And if you are anything like me... it will be too late for her.

[EgoJoe]

Yeah dude. I wasn't trying to get on your case earlier. Been there, done that...still not healed. It's not just a roller coaster ride it's a bungee jump with longer duration bounces and those bounces are emotional cycles. I honestly think based off of my observations you have not even started this process.

[Melting]

I enjoyed reading the posts on this thread, as they are all so true.

 

Heal, find the happiness from within and then it won't matter if they come back or not.

 

I do have a question, if someone could answer for me...... My ex (who was the dumper) has started working with me and is sending me sweet emails all the time. How do I handle this? Completely ignore?

[EgoJoe]

Start your own thread and post specifics.

[flyerfan6656]

I understand that it's hard not to talk to her, believe me, I do.

thank you bigbang, i needed that, but to tell you the truth..its hard to talk to her, when her and i go NC i feel good, yea i miss her, and think about her, but im not tempted to call/txt her what so ever, its when she hits me up that i think to myself...could this be the time we finally start working on things, but it never ends up that way...smh.. but it is time to heal, and im starting today....

[flyerfan6656]

is NOT hard to talk to her******

[bigbang]

thank you bigbang, i needed that, but to tell you the truth..its hard to talk to her, when her and i go NC i feel good, yea i miss her, and think about her, but im not tempted to call/txt her what so ever, its when she hits me up that i think to myself...could this be the time we finally start working on things, but it never ends up that way...smh.. but it is time to heal, and im starting today....

She knows this and that's exactly why she is doing it. She knows that you're just like a shark waiting around, waiting for a sign of blood in the water so you can snap quick and attack. That's why I'm saying to just stay without any contact from her. You ignore her once, twice, or three times and she will get the point; that you don't want to talk to her... you don't want to play these mind games.

 

The mere idea of you thinking that "could this be the time we finally start working on things" should tell you that you're not ready. You don't want to keep punishing yourself like this, with the illusion of reconciliation because of a meaningless text. The day that you get a text from her and you can look at it objectively, careless, without any hope or without any plans of reconciliation is the day you can say you're ready to talk to her. Until then, keep your head up and live your life. Because whether you like it or not, she is doing the same.

[Awoken]

Start that healing process ASAP. It's week 5 for me and I still feel like smashing in doors and kicking things. But haven't hulked out yet thank god! Get busy on working on YOU!

[sonypirates]

I know it's a pain to get to that point where you're healed and we all went through this, but you'll feel *SO* much better if you actively work on healing. It can be such a night and day difference between where you are now and where you can be, it's quite surprising when you reach it and you look back on things. Just keep reading stuff hear about how you will get better if you listen to the advice, it'll happen eventually if you let it.

 

I'm not saying you need to give up all hope of ever getting your ex back. Just work on yourself right now.

 

I have all my original confidence I had before my break up and I feel like I'm floating around throughout my day. Use the break up to benefit you as a person.

 

*The Day the Earth Stood Still movie spoiler alert incoming* lol just in case, don't want to ruin a part of the movie for anyone.

 

 

 

 

Was watching The Day the Earth Stood Still the other day and a theme was that people only change when they absolutely have to - they're forced to change or die basically in the movie. Think of your break up like that. You're at the edge and how you deal with the break up is entirely up to you, do you live in sadness or do you change for the better?