Dougie_D Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I am trying to look for new people/girls to hang out with but should I NOT bother with her AT ALL? Not being in a romantic relationship is not a dealbreaker concerning this girl. I know that people have said to try to avoid her, but she doesn't beat me up or anything. I like company. I don't go out of my way to ask her out everyday. She'll ask to hang out/invite me to a bar once every week (if I'm lucky) If I don't go out, then that's more days I spend by myself. That can be annoying after awhile. Is this wrong? I would rather have a bad friend then NO friend. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Is this the same girl that lets you pay for everything? If so don't waste your time and money. Link to comment
avman Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I'd rather have a good friend then a bad friend. I think you should find a good friend instead. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 She doesn't ask for me to pay anything. I am always offering. She invited me out to the movies last Saturday and I paid for the tickets but she bought her own food. Link to comment
Shudder Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 why are you paying for everything? Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 She doesn't ask for me to pay anything. I am always offering. She invited me out to the movies last Saturday and I paid for the tickets but she bought her own food. So you paid for her tickets while she paid for her own food and not offer? Dougie if I was in your shoes i would have no friends than bad friends.. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 That's how I've always been my whole life. I've always had more money then my friends, even in high school. I just got used to saying "oh, come on out with me, I'll buy you drink if it means for you to get out of the freaking house/dorm/apartment." I mean, the ONLY reason that my friends came over to my house in highschool was because they knew my parents would buy us pizza. I don't do that often but I still cave in sometimes. Link to comment
90_hour_sleep Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 why not. sometimes companionship is good for the sake of companionship. it doesn't have to be 'good' or 'bad'. it's just what it is. if you're getting something out of it...then why not? Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 Oh...I did offer to buy the food for her...she didn't want me to buy her food. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 That's how I've always been my whole life. I've always had more money then my friends, even in high school. I just got used to saying "oh, come on out with me, I'll buy you drink if it means for you to get out of the freaking house/dorm/apartment." I mean, the ONLY reason that my friends came over to my house in highschool was because they knew my parents would buy us pizza. I don't do that often but I still cave in sometimes. Dougie have you ever read your previous posts? Your parents help you, you have a mediocre job but yet you treat people. Why? Dude you are 30, its not about impressing people by treating them. Your mindset is a few years behind, I'm not trying to kill your ego but you need accept you for you and not try to buy friendship. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 What I'm getting out of it is: Hanging out with a girl that at least will give some type of attention. I've hung out MORE with this girl than any girl in my LIFE! ESPECIALLY 1 on 1. It's always been in a group setting if I was hanging out with a female friend. This is the first girl, that I really think that is more of a friend to me. I've always been the 3rd wheel somehow. I honestly want to KEEP that feeling going on. Even if I know she wouldn't want to date me, it makes me feel good that she actually does things with me. It makes feel good that she ACTUALLY INVITES me out to places. I'VE NEVER had a female friend do that. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 Dougie have you ever read your previous posts? Your parents help you, you have a mediocre job but yet you treat people. Why? Dude you are 30, its not about impressing people by treating them. Your mindset is a few years behind, I'm not trying to kill your ego but you need accept you for you and not try to buy friendship. Actually. The times that I've actually TREATED people THIS YEAR are: 1. Birthdays --- 4 times 2. Because I wanted to --- 11 times I'm doing way better than I did in COLLEGE! But it sucks, that the reality is...PEOPLE don't like me or want to be around me if I don't SPRING for SOMETHING. That's how I always feel. Especially in LA. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 What I'm getting out of it is: Hanging out with a girl that at least will give some type of attention. I've hung out MORE with this girl than any girl in my LIFE! ESPECIALLY 1 on 1. It's always been in a group setting if I was hanging out with a female friend. This is the first girl, that I really think that is more of a friend to me. I've always been the 3rd wheel somehow. I honestly want to KEEP that feeling going on. Even if I know she wouldn't want to date me, it makes me feel good that she actually does things with me. It makes feel good that she ACTUALLY INVITES me out to places. I'VE NEVER had a female friend do that. Man I don't know what else to say Dougie.. I think when any woman gives you the slight sense of attention you think they like you more than just a friend. Look you don't know what her intentions are. Maybe she knows by inviting you she's getting a free ride. I read quite a bit of your posts and you have a serious case of lack of confidence. Here is my advice, dump your friends, stop trying to impress people. Just chill and be yourself. You need to focus on yourself and your career. Buddy you are 30, you are not getting younger. Once you get your act straight everything will fall in place. Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 Here is my advice, dump your friends, stop trying to impress people. Just chill and be yourself. You need to focus on yourself and your career. Buddy you are 30, you are not getting younger. Once you get your act straight everything will fall in place. I pretty much did that. I had to leave TN and all my friends that kind of used me. I am being more of myself for sure. I've always been myself though but I'm way more serious than what I want to do CAREER wise. That's the BIG problem though. I am in the MUSIC INDUSTRY but I don't work with huge acts. People are getting laid off. The people that get laid off will have a better time getting the job that I would want because they already have some type of CREDIBILITY. It's just HARDER to get my foot in the door to get a SALARY type job in this biz. MUSIC has been my entire life. I was in my first band since I was in 6th grade. I just NEVER have taken it seriously (BUSINESS SIDE) until now. Link to comment
asthesparrow Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 My two cents: If I counted how many times I had "treated" someone this year, it'd be more than what Dougie said. Way more. MONEY is not the issue at all. If this friend is genuine (and I hope your gold digging radar is strong) Be her friend. You obviously need human interaction. Link to comment
zccr3279 Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Sounds like me. It wasn't that I always had more money than my friends -- I was just more generous with my money. Currently going through a similar situation -- I stopped paying for my friend (girl) whenever we hung out, but she still owes me money ($300) I lent her a month ago to make an emergency car payment. She had paid me the previous 2 times I lent it (for different reasons), but now I'm getting excuses left and right. Once I get my money back, I think I'm walking the other way. Bottom line -- I'd rather have no friends than be used. Stop paying and she how she responds. That will tell you everything you need to know... Link to comment
zccr3279 Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Actually. The times that I've actually TREATED people THIS YEAR are: 1. Birthdays --- 4 times 2. Because I wanted to --- 11 times I'm doing way better than I did in COLLEGE! But it sucks, that the reality is...PEOPLE don't like me or want to be around me if I don't SPRING for SOMETHING. That's how I always feel. Especially in LA. I treated my ex (even before we were "dating" and were still friends) in college about 30 times per semester. While we were "dating" I helped her out (i.e. "did") her homework and assignments. I encouraged her all the time about school and she graduated with a 3.92 GPA (compared to my 3.52). We break up and she tells me that she really never had feelings for me... Link to comment
Alezia Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 My personal opinion is, if you can enforce yourself some personal boundaries to stop paying for her things, then continue to be-friend her. Stop paying for her stuff until she starts reciprocating. At least get the relationship on an equal footing, otherwise you are simply dragging on this putting her on a pedestal even if you convince yourself that you don't want to date her. Link to comment
johnnyp Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Keep hanging out with her...but STOP paying for her. If you buy her a drink, then the next round's on her. And if she doesn't like that, then she can hit the road! She'll respect you more for it and you'll respect yourself more too. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I know that people have said to try to avoid her, but she doesn't beat me up or anything. Please raise your standards for friendship. Seriously, there are 7 billion people in the world. Surely there's someone out there who can be a better friend to you. Link to comment
WockaWocka Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Maybe it's the social scientist in me, but I'd wait until she invites you out again and then try not offering to pay for anything. Try doing it once. See if she invites you out again. It's good to have friends but if she's using you for money then you'll feel worse about yourself in the long run. Link to comment
John3572 Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 Don't buy people. They will hang out with you because they know they're getting a free ride. However, when they want to hang out with a friend, they'll call someone else and your feelings will be hurt. Link to comment
erzerum7 Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 It's humiliating to buy friendship. These people usually leave you when you're on hard times. There are people who respect generosity, but they are few and far between. In most cases I've seen expensive gifts (for weddings, etc.) are not terribly appreciated and people who had a lot more money bought much cheaper gifts (e.g. towels) and were treated as the better friend/guest. Stop associating with this user. Change your personality so you can actually attract the people - both male and female friends and a girlfriend - whom you can respect. If you want a woman who is not a user, careful with her money, etc. then you need to have the self-respect to not "throw your pearls before swine" and make sure people associate with you because they enjoy your company and respect you, not because they can use you. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 19, 2011 Share Posted November 19, 2011 I can't recall where I heard this, but it's solid wisdom. "Many people will want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." Link to comment
Dougie_D Posted November 19, 2011 Author Share Posted November 19, 2011 link removed link removed Trust me I'm frustrated. Link to comment
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