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I have lost faith in women


Shakeybones

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yup, my title of the thread pretty much sums it up.. ive lost faith in women around my age.

 

The reason i feel like this is because, it seems like no matter how straight forward you try to be, they still play games.

 

They set up dates, They flake

 

It seems that you have to constantly impress them/ play bs push/pull tactics/ timed email responses/ timed text response, they think your too clingy if you respond fast ( i stand by this, i will respond instantly if my phone is in front of me, unless im doing something really important)

 

Im pretty much burnt out, you keep trying and its like they come around then boom, you just wasted 8-months of your life, trying to get one girl

 

IDK what to do, do you try until you succeed?

 

or just give up and give them the finger for a few years, until they mature...thats if they ever do.

 

because as of right now, im on the dating shelf... and a girl is going to have to literally prove to me that she is worth my attention span.

 

also, quick question: is it bad that, i will not respond to girls after they flake on a date.. i will not try to set up another date either...only because i seriously hate flakes with no explanation...and i feel like if they were truly interested they would not flake you know.

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just bad luck mate. They aren't all like that.

 

As for flaking- I would drop anyone who just blew me off and when you finally contact they just dance around giving any decent reason. And im one of the more understanding people, even if it was something rather trivial but you just really wanted to go to that new movie with your best friend on release night or what ever.. i could deal, but when the games start i dont blame any one for walking.

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It sounds to me that you have been meeting the wrong women. If the women acts in the way you describe they sound very immature.

 

I think you have the right idea about girls having to prove they are worthy of your time. There is no reason to waste your time on something/someone who you don't give you what you expect.

 

In the end, I think you should take a break from dating. If you feel you are wasting your time right now, it is often an indication that you need to take a break away from it.

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It sounds to me that you have been meeting the wrong women. If the women acts in the way you describe they sound very immature.

 

I think you have the right idea about girls having to prove they are worthy of your time. There is no reason to waste your time on something/someone who you don't give you what you expect.

 

In the end, I think you should take a break from dating. If you feel you are wasting your time right now, it is often an indication that you need to take a break away from it.

 

Agree with this. And one more thing i would perhaps suggest you stop actually trying to 'date' and just mingle instead. You know, make friends get to know people, you might find better luck if you actually take a sine to someone you somehwhat KNOW before just starting out dating.

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Don't think you can pass judgement on ALL women

 

Maybe next time you meet someone tkae doggytreats advice and just 'hangout'. You don't have to date people straight away,. Just find fun FREE activities where all you waste is time and not money AND things that you don't have to go through a lot of effort to setup. That way you won't feel so 'burnt'.

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My 25 year old friend was so frustrated about the same thing and he deactivated facebook yesterday because of that. He said he was tired of all the drama and frustration it caused.

He has been trying to put himself out there by talking to single girls and trying to hang out with them, but they always flaked and turned him down. What's funny was that all the taken ones have been trying to get his attention... or that's what he told me. He is really eager to find love but is now so frustrated and disappointed with girls around him. I told him that it's probably that the girls he has talked to are not mature enough for him; they are around my age (22) or younger, and he's 25, so what they are looking for may be different than his. I promised him there are so many fish in the sea although I admitted it was a generic line, but it's sooo true! You and he might have just dealt with the wrong group of girls... You guys just had bad luck. We aren't all like that. I promise you.

 

SO don't lose faith! I see you are in socal; haha I'm in socal too and so is my guy friend. If I set up a date with a guy, I don't flake. I don't like flaky people either.

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Been my same general experience with girls in their early 20's in so cal as well, I think it generally goes with this age group, since I see girls complaining about the same things with guys (game playing, flaking, etc). Just have to wait it out I guess. Hopefully the drama dies down as we get older.

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Also have to chime in with another thing; to be open minded- I have always ended up with gals a bit older then me due to maturity issues in our younger age group, Theres nothing wrong with that either. Not saying all are like that (they're not!) but you also have to realise that espicially in teen/early twenties you still have alot of superficial mindset, flakiness, and Popular culture seems to encourage young ladies to play those all to common 'dating games'.

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I'm with you on that one. Girls, particularly those younger than say 25, are HUGE game players, even if they say they aren't.

 

You have to deliberately be aloof, but not too aloof, otherwise they'll lose interest in you. It's absolutely ridiculous. I'm a person that has good manners and is respectful to others, so I will always respond to text messages, missed calls etc. As a result I can come accross as "clingy" when I'm far from it.

 

I've made the mistake of going for younger women. It's seriously not worth the trouble. Just stick to older women mate. They're better in bed too

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First of all, don't generalize. Yes, you've run into a series of flaky women and I can empathize with you on that one. It sucks. But don't let your ego get bruised that easily.

One of the hardest things for us to accept when it comes to dating is that....she's just not that into you and vice verse. It's hard, man, but it's something you need to learn to deal with, accept, and move on. I guarantee you there is at least, at least!, one girl out there that won't do this crap to you and that will be really into you.

It seems the women that flaked out on you up to this point were just not really interested in you. I've flaked on 2 guys before that I wasn't really interested in. I do regret doing that, honestly, because not only is it rude on my part but it's not fair to them. Actually, I was just very late for the dates. Although one guy was really creepy and I think most women would flake on that date after having the man scream his lungs out at her....Anyway.

I don't think that's your case.

 

The only thing you need to do right now is to accept it that hey, she's just not that interested in me but that's okay. It will gnaw at you (I'm sure it already does), but you're learning how to cope and you'll come out stronger!

 

Good luck!

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Another thing that I might add is that not every girl 18-25 years of age is immature.

I'm 23 and I'm very serious as far as dating is concerned. No, I will not sleep with a man I went out on a few dates with. No, I won't date just to date. I like to think of the future, as lame as that might sound. So, yes, that means assessing whether my date would be a good potential husband. I am very selective of my partners but because of that, I have been in less than 3 (haha) serious relationships and uh, you can guess on the sexual history of that. And if my current relationship goes down the drain, I really don't see myself as jumping into the next one. I'd rather wait it out and have something of great quality than quantity.

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Another thing that I might add is that not every girl 18-25 years of age is immature.

I'm 23 and I'm very serious as far as dating is concerned. No, I will not sleep with a man I went out on a few dates with. No, I won't date just to date. I like to think of the future, as lame as that might sound. So, yes, that means assessing whether my date would be a good potential husband. I am very selective of my partners but because of that, I have been in less than 3 (haha) serious relationships and uh, you can guess on the sexual history of that. And if my current relationship goes down the drain, I really don't see myself as jumping into the next one. I'd rather wait it out and have something of great quality than quantity.

 

Not saying all, But im sure even the optimist has to admit that maturity is a consderably harder trait to find in that age group. and it's on both ends to be completely fair- Alot of guys feel pressured to play the 'dating game' just because around that age alot of thier buddies and what not are dating and just like with girls playing the hard to get and this n that other games, it's entirely encouraged by media and culture at large and relatively common in comparison to a relatively small group of what you could call 'mature' people at that same age.

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Dealing with immature people is just a part of dating, you can either let it effect you or can just realize that you dont want to date them. See if you can determine sooner if women arent at the maturity level that you want them to be. That is all you can do.

 

I think that's sound advice!

 

Recently I've begun dating again and I can attest there's plenty of immature/inconsistent men out there too! It's funny because the last three guys I've gone out with have been a couple of years younger than me, and all of them had their lives together more than the 31 year old I dated! So sometimes age is just a number. The character of the person is more important ;-)

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I would try to always have multiple women you're interested in - don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Then, meeting a flake won't have much of an effect on you. When one out of the group rises to the top, that's when you back off the hunt. Until then, don't think of any of them as the future mother of your children. They're simply a flake until proven otherwise.

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dont lose hope! im not like that, im 23. i think its just people in general- some people are flaky and fake and it takes them time or a certain indicent for them to wake up and stop being that way- if they ever do. maybe ur just going after the wrong girls?

for a while i was only looking at specifics in the guys id date. until i decided to take a chance for once on someone who i normally wouldnt be interested in and then i fell for him.

 

i also hate flaky people - nothing worse, i dont blame u for freezing them out if they dont say anything or try to make it up to u. not cool

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I'm with you on that one. Girls, particularly those younger than say 25, are HUGE game players, even if they say they aren't.

 

You have to deliberately be aloof, but not too aloof, otherwise they'll lose interest in you. It's absolutely ridiculous. I'm a person that has good manners and is respectful to others, so I will always respond to text messages, missed calls etc. As a result I can come accross as "clingy" when I'm far from it.

 

I've made the mistake of going for younger women. It's seriously not worth the trouble. Just stick to older women mate. They're better in bed too

 

This one made me laugh... but it's true.

 

Not all women play games. You're in that age range where the majority do, and that's an unfortunate by-product of growing up. Most will outgrow it, some won't.

 

Being straightforward and yourself is always your best bet... whether it works or not. Don't pretend to be something you're not, and don't play games that you're not willing to keep up to "keep" a girl.

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why did you put haha next to the number 3? you are only 23 how many serious relationships are you suppose to be in? the fact that you says serious...tells me that you've been in far more than 3 non serious relationships. i know you didn't mean that to be offensive butt here are some people on this site who have never been in ANY non serious relationships;..or serious HAHA.

for the op i can totally relate to you man......i so tired of girls on okcupid initiating contact with me and giving me their cells and then never talking to me ever again....im guilty of doing it with one super clingy girl, and i feel bad about it....but she wasn't for me.

Another thing that I might add is that not every girl 18-25 years of age is immature.

I'm 23 and I'm very serious as far as dating is concerned. No, I will not sleep with a man I went out on a few dates with. No, I won't date just to date. I like to think of the future, as lame as that might sound. So, yes, that means assessing whether my date would be a good potential husband. I am very selective of my partners but because of that, I have been in less than 3 (haha) serious relationships and uh, you can guess on the sexual history of that. And if my current relationship goes down the drain, I really don't see myself as jumping into the next one. I'd rather wait it out and have something of great quality than quantity.

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