kourtney01 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship 7 months ago (we were engaged, he was a horrible person, cheated a million times and treated me like crap) I met this guy about 2 months ago by fluke and things went so well.. In a nutshell: we met by total random accident and things felt "meant to be" We spend every day together or if not we talk on the phone and text each other like 10 times per day.. He told all his friends and family about me I met his dad and sister already and his mom asks about me all the time He shows my pictures to all the guys at work to "show off"..and in fact, up until this moment, I actually even felt like I was a bit out of his league... but I'm not superficial like that because I like him a lot and he's an attractive guy (but I know he sometimes has insecurity issues because he used to be overweight..but now he has a six pack and a healthy lifestyle so I don't understand why he hangs on to how he used to be years and years ago) We made it official about 3 weeks ago and even changed our facebook statuses to "in a relationship with ..." I've opened myself up to this guy for the first time since my ex and although it was hard to let my guard down I finally did and it felt great.. I'm falling and I'm falling hard.. Now the problem: About a week ago I started feeling very strange.. my gut kept telling me something and I felt like the floor was sinking underneath me..all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't trust him.. I sent him some cute photos of myself via email (which he requested) and I got no response all night and no good morning text..I freaked out but he reassured me at lunch time that he fell asleep early and that he also slept in and got in trouble at work so he didn't want to pull his cell phone out.. (he works construction so it's kind of obvious when he goes on the phone) I knew he had been late a few times lately because he was on the phone with me till the wee hours or because we were out late so I felt bad even though this time it wasn't my fault..and I let it go. I came on here for advice and the general consensus was that I was overreacting... we spent all wknd together and had a real heart to heart and I told him I was sorry and that I have trust issues that's why I've been a little weird (like questioning him too much) and he said he understands because he knows about my difficult past.. Monday comes around and I told him I wanted to see him because I have salsa during the week etc etc and no time to see him again till the wknd.. he said he was too tired and I got a little upset..even though I saw him all wknd (except Saturday night because he works security..and obv now i don't even know if he told me the truth about that) I wanted to see him again ..and I don't even know why he was so tired because I didn't keep him up late the night before and he didn't go to the gym that day.. so I made a stupid joke, he got me back with a stupid comment, I said a rude one, he threw a rude one back..and before I knew it we were in a stupid argument and I cut it off in a rude way cuz I had to go to the gym.. I called him ten mins later to apologize and be the bigger person because it really was a bad joke gone too far.. he said no prob and that he would text me when he gets back from the gym.. I didn't hear from him all night and my gut started acting up again..but I let it go.. in the morning I still didn't hear from him but I let it go.. nothing at lunch time either.. nothing all day.. late afternoon I logged on fb and saw him online so I msged him hello ..no reply. I teted him hello.. no answer.. I called no answer. At 7pm I freaked.. I sent him a text basically telling him where to go and asking him why he's doing this again because it's shady..no reply. I called again and left a voicemail..nothing.. nightime I pleaded with him to at least tell me he's ok and left him tons of msgs..nothing.. at 4am after violently crying to the point I thought I would have a heart attack (all these bad memories from my past came back) I texted him again to tell him that this is really hurting me and he finally responded at 6am when he got up for work.. his excuse? He forgot his cell at home when he went to work and then when he got home and saw all my msgs he had dinner and showered and meant to reply but he "swears to God" he fell asleep early again.. * * * ! I responded to him that the excuse was awful and that I was hurt and will give him space cuz I needed it too.. he knew I had a doctor app today however for something important so i was still expecting him to ask me how that went..but nothing ALL DAY AGAIN..I called him at 5pm no answer and texted him I had to talk to him and he came on fb to respond!!!!!!! He said his phone died and he couldnt find his charger but he was just about to call me back! I freaked out on him and he said that I was the one who said I needed space.. I told him I need to talk to him face to face cuz he's making me feel like I made a huge mistake letting him into my heart and he responded didn't mean to ignore you oi was just upset.. to which I responded: upset about what.. and again NO RESPONSE AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE!!! * * * is going on??? I've cried so much this has totally destroyed me and I even called in sick for tom.. I've been in bed for 2 days crying..this hurts so bad after what I've been trhu with my ex.. I left him an email stating that if he doesn't call me tonight (his phone has been off all night) that I will assume the worst and move on with my life.. and that if he cares about me he will call..PLEASE HELP I'M GOING NUTS! This isn't some random guy.. we slept together and met each others friends and family and have been "official" for 3 weeks now!!!! what is going on pls help me! Side note: he also came from a screwed up relationship and his ex was trying to get back together with him 3 weeks ago and calling him non stop but he says he wants nothing to do with her and they've been over for 6 months and he's gonna have her number blocked.. could they be talking behind my back? what is he upset about that stupid argument from monday? is this over? his status hasnt changed on fb but he hasnt called me either.. I havent cried this hard since my ex and my heart is too weak to handle this all over again after the awful 3 years i just had.. how can he do a 180 like this pls someone help me Link to comment
toby17 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Ok. This guy sounds like he's messing with you. I don't know if he's up to something or not but you're losing it. I think he knows he's causing it, but if you texted and called me that much after not hearing from me, I'd wonder what was wrong with you. You need to calm down. When he doesn't reply, let the anxious feeling pass and distract yourself, do what ever, feel the uncomfortableness. But you can't keep calling and texting like this. If the guy brings out the anxious in you, you need to leave him. Anxiousness gives you butterflies, but it's not love. Link to comment
Awoken Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 You definitely need to back yourself out of this relationship. It seems that sadly you have just landed straight into another abusive relationship. I know it's really hard but you need to get working on yourself BEFORE you find another man. Identify your past issues with men and FIX them. You don't need to have a man to actually fix them either. Just take some time to yourself first. Link to comment
Lester Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Sometimes guys need to ease into things. They can't be pushed and it can take many months for even the smallest of decisions. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 STOP blowing up his phone! Omg. It's wrong for him to be silent, but gosh, it's not like he disappeared for a week. Why are you stressing out soo much and crying and texting and phoning, and fbing and calling and texting and calling and texting????! Like this makes you seem really really needy and insecure? You need to sit him down and ask what's going on. And you need to work on your emotional issues. People that blow up phones scare me. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Do you think contacting him like 5 times in a row would help things? If he's not replying, he has a reason (busy or just doesn't want to) do you really think continuously contacting would somehow convince him to respond to you?? (if he was ignoring you?) Imagine actually being busy and then coming back to like 5 texts and three missed calls. For me personally, I would be really turned off. Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 And you should have taken wayy longer to heal from your previous relationship. Going from one relationship to the other isn't healthy! Link to comment
volvic1 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 lalalollipops, I agree that your right when you say that she shouldn't have blown up his phone, but I think your being a bit harsh, shes clearly upset and distraught and he is wrong for what hes doing to her. That's wrong to do to anyone, never mind one with old relationship issues. But yes I think you tried moving on too quickly from your old terrible relationship, you may have pushed this guy way past what he can deal with, try and save yourself some dignity now and leave him be, until he contacts you, and if he doesn't then work on being happy with yourself before looking for someone to fill his space. x Link to comment
Catherinebruce Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 You really need help, I think I can help you out.... This is my mail address; email removed .... Hope to hear from you soon...... Link to comment
camus154 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 ^ Uh....why does that strike me as suspicious? OP, you don't ever want to do this sort of thing with a man. It's guaranteed to push him away. You're having a meltdown over a guy you haven't been with for very long at all. Calm down and take a deep breath. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 Yikes, girl, you need to settle down a little bit, have some self respect. This guy could be telling the truth and he may not be honestly truth or not if I had that much trouble contacting a guy I'd be gone. I don't put up with game playing. If I was a guy and a girl did this to me it would be a major turn off and I'd hit the door and have her labeled as psycho. Recognize your self worth and leave this guy in the dust if he is that inconsiderate. Link to comment
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