Determining emotional maturity of a girl

[CottonProof]

Ok, long and short of it: I've had a couple wonderful relationships which have eventually fallen apart because, amongst other things, the girls were emotionally immature. Some examples: getting upset that I've had previous very close relationships (it's not like I can change my past...), jealous because I speak to some girl (I'm better with girls than guys, generally and have way more female friends but I am NOT a flirt), just over-sensitive to things that most people would just get over and move on from. My most recent relationship basically broke down because I did something wrong (not tell her about a serious relationship I've had in the past) and she called me up and dumped me on the spot. She was unable to forgive or listen to what I had to say.

 

Another problem is that I'm more attracted to the fun, silly and lively type. I'm not saying that mature girls can't be fun or anything but it seems more likely for an immature girl to have these features.

 

The thing is that it's extremely hard to determine how mature a girl will be because, of course, when you're first talking and you like each other everyone tries to cover up faults and be as attractive as possible.

 

The best thing I can come up with to help determine maturity is to to find out about her past relationships. I've found that these girls I've had issues with have had very few, or no, "proper" boyfriends before so I guess they expect a relationship to be like a fairytale romance and they don't understand that relationships have ups and downs. I'd imagine that, generally, someone who has had more "proper" relationships will be more mature.

 

So, any more advice?

 

I'm at university, 21 years old.

[LaKings55]

Just have to wait it out I'm afraid. I've had similar issues, and it just seems like something everyone has to grow out of, and early 20's is not the time for that.

[DylanNotorious]

Yes those girls you described are emotionally immature. You sound like you may be in need of getting into a relationship with a "woman" and not silly little girls. However, you will find maturity in younger girls so you just need to shop around a bit until you find one.

[RedDress]

Another problem is that I'm more attracted to the fun, silly and lively type.

 

Putting a different spin on this... are you attracted to the fun, silly, lively type? Or are you attracted to the centre-of-attention, always surrounded by drama type? Start taking notice.

 

In my experience, people who are always surrounded by drama of some sort don't just have "bad luck" as they claim... they secretly have their hand in the drama.

 

The always-at-the-centre-of-attention type won't be happy unless they are your entire world (impossible).

 

I suggest you look slightly off centre...

[FathomFear]

I'm at university, 21 years old.

 

This is probably 90% of your problem. People tend to lack patience in their early 20s.

[CottonProof]

Just have to wait it out I'm afraid. I've had similar issues, and it just seems like something everyone has to grow out of, and early 20's is not the time for that.

True, and girls I've dated have tended to be younger than me so that is probably something too.

 

Yes those girls you described are emotionally immature. You sound like you may be in need of getting into a relationship with a "woman" and not silly little girls. However, you will find maturity in younger girls so you just need to shop around a bit until you find one.

Thanks for the support. Yes, a "woman" is probably the better term for the kind of person I'm looking for. One who is emotionally stable woman who is fun. But I guess that's what most guys are looking for

 

Putting a different spin on this... are you attracted to the fun, silly, lively type? Or are you attracted to the centre-of-attention, always surrounded by drama type?...

Hmm very interesting, thanks for making me think outside the box!

Maybe it is true that I go for the centre-of-attention type. One of the girls I'm referring too certainly did crave attention from people in general. But others have been more independent. I suppose it's different for everyone. I'll certainly keep this in mind though!

[CottonProof]

This is probably 90% of your problem. People tend to lack patience in their early 20s.

While I do think what you said has truth in general for people my age I don't think it holds for me. I'm the kind who tries to make it work and sort out issues right to the end. I've never "abandoned ship" on a relationship. Also I'm incredibly patient; I don't really get angry and I forgive people easily if they are genuinely sorry.

 

I have a friend who lives in Canada but he refuses to send me a moose.

 

Edit: Actually, I don't think that holds for most people my age. Some, yes, but not most.

[Day_Walker]

Sounds more like insecurity to me. The best thing to do is develop questions that will give you indications about what the OP calls "emotional maturity". This can range from past relationships, to actions taken in their past. I think that you have to be cognizant of the fact that you are 21 years old and being emotionally mature at that age is going to be a rare thing.

[FathomFear]

I have a friend who lives in Canada but he refuses to send me a moose.

 

Notice I didn't say that all people in their early 20s are impatient. It does tend to be a trend though, and most relationships--and even friendships--tend to be rather vacuous.

 

When I was 21 I remember sipping lattes at the campus coffee shop, and remember looking back on my high school years and thinking how immature everything was in comparison. Oddly enough, 10 years after graduating from university I look back at my university days much the same way--heh.

 

It definitely won't be impossible for you to find someone on your wavelength. But age groups do play a factor, and your search very well might be more difficult now than it will be five years from now. That's all I'm saying.

[Ms Darcy]

I have found that people who are attracted to immature types of girls are usually pretty immature themselves. But we live in a world where every issue is everyone else's fault.

[Stay_home]

There's really not much you can do about someone else's behavior except discover it. Once you learn who that person is, if it's their personality that bothers you, the fact that they're unstable or immature, peace - see ya later.