doesshe Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Hi guys, We were together for 2 years. We got engaged 4 months back and were getting married in 3 months. Lately, we had been fighting almost everyday over trivial issues and neither of us were trying to mend it. Whenever, I wanted to talk about it, she would start a fight and whenever she wanted to sort it out, I would not listen to her. Finally, one day she went home and we did not talk for few days because I didnt call her as I was also mad. When I did, she was giving me cold responses, so in a fit of rage, I said I wanted to 'break up'. Within minutes, I called back, but her parents wont let me talk to her anymore. After that, she did not talk to me for 2 weeks, her parents kept telling me its most likely over as I scolded her and it was me who wanted the 'break up'. My parents tried to mend things up, but her parents did not give any chance to talk to her. Anyhow, we talked once, and she said she wants to listen to her parents as they were there for her in her turmoil. After some more trying, I initiated No Contact. Please remember, all this while I wanted her back, but did not know what to do, so tried NC. 2 weeks later she called me and said that she thought to call as she was sure I was missing her too as was she. She said that she was surprised to see my Facebook updates that I have been going to movies and living normally. I said I am figuring things out and probably "it happened for the best". She said that she would do what I wanted. I again continued NC. 2 weeks later, she again called me to tell me that she missed me and wanted to work things out and asked me why I said "it happened for the best". I said I will tell her. I told her later that I also wanted to work things out. She told me that parents are going to be a problem now. She said I should talk to her parents, so I told her that maybe if she could tell her parents first that its what she wanted, I will also convince them after that. I told her she should make a decision now in 3-4 days what exactly she wants, as it had already been 1.5 months of yes-no-yes-no. After 4 days, she called me and told me that her parents are not agreeing and this has ended now. Also, she started accusing me that its easy for me as I already had been moving on and she will require much more time as this was not at all what she wanted. I listened and clarified a little that it was not at all what I wanted and I was also very miserable, but if destiny wanted that, then we cannot do anything. She said she wanted me to defy the destiny. She said I can call her whenever I miss her, but I said I will not. I dont know what to do at all. I have not talked to her since then, neither has she called me. Its been 5 days now. I miss her all the time. We were perfect for each other. Thanks. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Sounds like her parents are in total control here. Can you tell us her age? Link to comment
doesshe Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 yes she is.. totally under their control.. and they dont like me for some reason.. because in our country, love marriages are not easily accepted.. She is 23.. Link to comment
doesshe Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 My main question: She says that its always her who contacts me and I never call her and I am not bothered. She was the one who broke off and somewhere I know, that the minute I go back to her, she will revert and say no. It has happened once already as I previously mentioned. Is NC the right thing to do here or should I go and talk to her about this again? Link to comment
DN Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 Unless and until she is prepared to tell her parents that she is going to marry you whether they support her decision or not there is little chance of this succeeding. I think you should tell her that you love her and want to marry her but she has to deal with her parents. It is not for you to talk to them - that is her job. Link to comment
doesshe Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 I am a little confused right now. Is it her parents only who want this to end, or is it that even she does not want this to work out and is using her parents as an excuse to move on? I would definitely call her, but only if I knew that at least she wants to get back together. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 14, 2011 Share Posted November 14, 2011 I am a little confused right now. Is it her parents only who want this to end, or is it that even she does not want this to work out and is using her parents as an excuse to move on? I would definitely call her, but only if I knew that at least she wants to get back together. Either way, and I'm sorry to say this, but if she truly wanted to be with you...she would. I would tell her that unless she wants to try to make this work, you'll no longer be in contact, and plan to move on. She'll either sink, or swim. Link to comment
doesshe Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 During last call, I just agreed to all her breakup talks without questioning even once. I am just scared to call her that it might divert her further away, knowing I still love her. The NC rule will not work then, right? Link to comment
doesshe Posted November 14, 2011 Author Share Posted November 14, 2011 It is a long distance relationship. We are in different continents right now. We have been separated since 4 months, just after getting engaged. I have to go back in 3 months for my vacation, when we were supposed to get married. Should I meet her then? Link to comment
doesshe Posted November 15, 2011 Author Share Posted November 15, 2011 anybody please reply Link to comment
DN Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 You should only meet her if she wants to marry you. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted November 15, 2011 Share Posted November 15, 2011 You an she are on different continents? That puts another element into your situation. It is even harder to resolve issues when distance is involved. However, I would follow DN's advice because it still applies. How well do the two of you really know each other?....chi Link to comment
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