sweetgirl15 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I have been dating this guy for few months. Everything started great, almost too good to be true. Later I found out that he broke up with a long term girlfriend not too long before that. I asked him if he was ready and he assured me that he was. I broke up with a long term bf not long ago either but I am completely over him and ready to be in this relationship. Now here is the problem. Since we started dating I did not see him much, we are both very busy, but we always kept in touch, calls and messages. I always knew where he was even if he was going out with his friends. In the last month his behavior got very unpredictable. The calls and text have continued but in spurts. Some times I text him at 8pm on a night he is going out and he will not answer till the next afternoon. Or I call him at night and he does not return the call till very late in the morning or early afternoon. He is going though a tough-ish time in his life right now. And I know he needs space. But since I AM giving him space it is getting to the point where I am starting to think that something is terribly off. Am I being a rebound? Is he just not into me? Anyone been through the same? Any advice would be appreciated please. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Are you two exclusive? How often do you see him in person? Link to comment
sweetgirl15 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 Yes, we have been exclusive since the beginning. I see him about twice a week and we usually talk every day. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I think if you see him twice a week he doesn't need to text/call you every day at this early stage.Just consider also that your mindset at the beginning didn't have much mind in it -you were smitten and saw him as "too good to be true" so "too good to be true" is often a long way from reality so this might just be the adjustment phase. If he needs space then he should tell you that and not keep you guessing -so why not ask him whether he needs "more" space since you notice a change in his behavior? That's another way to handle it (if it were me I would continue to give him twice the space he seems to need and if he stopped seeing me once or twice a week I would then consider moving on). Link to comment
Flyingpiglet Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Your situation sounds exactly like mine just earlier this year. It's just so similar its.... well, spooky I guess! I made excuse after excuse for him, why he was being distant, ooh the poor guy had so much going on in his life that I just had to be patient and it would all be ok! Now this could be different, but sweetgirl, listen to your gut on this one. There's every chance that yeah, you are/were the rebound and he is biding his time till he gets the guts to end it with you! If your gut is saying its gone bad... There's a high chance it has! Link to comment
sweetgirl15 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 The problem I am having with this I guess is that he initiated constant texting, and updates. It was not coming from me. He set that expectation in my mind so now the fact that the change has been so drastic is sending me for a rollercoaster ride. One more thing I guess is that we started arguing about silly stuff not too long ago, and I feel he pulled back. But we talked, I asked him if he needed more space, he said no, I asked him if he wanted this, he said yes, we talked, but nothing has changed, in fact I feel like it is getting worse. So now I am more confused than ever. I always been in relationships where I saw the person literally every day. Friends keep telling me his behavior is not normal. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 What I used to do with guys who contacted that much in the beginning was not respond to each and every contact and not encourage that type of incessant contacting -especially the kind of texting you're talking about - that can lead to quick burnout. Better to be like a gorgeously wrapped package that he has to unwrap one layer at a time over a reasonable period of time. Insta-relationships are often too risky. Link to comment
sweetgirl15 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 I agree, I also thought it was not healthy, especially based in my past experiences!!! So what can I do now? Should I just accept that it is going to get worse and is coming to an end, or it has a chance to improve still? I just do not feel it is ok for him to leave me hanging like this and not returning my calls until the next day, but I do not know how to approach it without it leading to another argument. Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 my first thought is since he's recently out of a long term relationship, I wonder if he and his ex have resumed contact? other than that, you said he is going through a rough time. it may not be the best time for him to be in a relationship. maybe just kind of chill out for a few more weeks and see what happens. as you noted, you can't really 'argue' your way into having a man call you more often. that isn't going to really work. I'd see where things are in a few more weeks, if things continue to be casual or what. Link to comment
sweetgirl15 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 His ex and him have been in contact but because they have to for the next little while. They don't hang out. We have talked about this and he told me there is nothing to worry about as he was completely done with her. But to be completely honest I have been wondering the same. I am just hoping he is honest with me. Link to comment
sweetgirl15 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 wow ... so we broke up! I guess my gut feeling was correct. And it hurts He is not even willing to listen to me. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I'm sorry to hear this and I'm glad it happened earlier on so you can move on to bigger and better things! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I always been in relationships where I saw the person literally every day. That is not very healthy to me. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 wow ... so we broke up! I guess my gut feeling was correct. And it hurts He is not even willing to listen to me. What happened? Link to comment
sweetgirl15 Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 That is not very healthy to me. It is not, I never liked that, but somehow I always dated clingy guys ... I did not mind the distance in this one, it is just something I was not used to. What happened? What happened ... he said we have been fighting too much and we are too different, and he does not see it working out. He refused to talk to me in person at firstbut then I convinced him. We talked. I tried to keep it very light. Now I just have to wait I guess. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 In the last month his behavior got very unpredictable. The calls and text have continued but in spurts. Some times I text him at 8pm on a night he is going out and he will not answer till the next afternoon. Or I call him at night and he does not return the call till very late in the morning or early afternoon. If this just started, and has not been this way before with him, I would reconsider going forward with the relationship at this point. This type of behavior has never boded for a happy ending, in my experience. Scratch that, just saw your post about you breaking up. Move forward, dear girl! Onward and upward! Link to comment
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