shyguy1 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 (or how many people from back then even still post on here) If so though a thanks of sorts is the least I could do. I thought about posting this in the LGBT forum and almost did, as it would have fit in over there... then again it also would have fit in the personal growth forum as well. This might be all over the map which will hopefully show why it could have gone in any of those three forums. In realty it's about self acceptance, growing as a person and yes getting my mind and body healthier as a result. Anyway here goes nothing: I first started posting way back in 2007 and my most recent post was from July of last year, all one would have to do is look at my past posting history and if one thing would be easily surmised from it.. that one thing would be that I was in a really bad place for a really long time. I felt hopeless and dismayed about everything... myself.. live in general... my love life you name it. I was bitter and had a rather unhealthy view of people who I felt had things that I wanted in life.. happiness.. love etc and an unhealthy view on women in some ways, though the later was largely a case of self projection which I will get to. During this rather tough period in my life, many of you reached out to me and I sincerely hope that some of you are still here because I do want to let you know that it meant a lot to me and it helped me to stick around during a rather rough patch and not do something stupid like decide to end my life. The love and support I got from complete strangers really helped to reinforce the fact that there are truly a lot of good people out there and for every one awful person.. there's ten...twenty...even a hundred good caring ones. I reflected on this in a select few of my posts, but during this time.. well really for most of my life quite honestly I never really felt quite right about myself, I had what I deemed at the time to be gender issues and was quite confused and though deep inside felt I could be and likely was transgender, tried to convince myself that I wasn't trans at all and instead simply a cross dresser. In doing so I ignored tell tell signs, among others the fact that I used to cry myself to sleep at night as a teen because I didn't really feel right in my male body and even as an Atheist would beg and plead in case I was wrong about the whole God thing to either allow me to wake up a girl, or more realistically allow me to be content with the body that I did have. Cross dressers don't cry themselves to sleep like I often did. I now know that a lot of my issues during this time were due to my being in denial about who I truly am as a person. After much reflection and some therapy sessions with a gender therapist, earlier this year I came out as transgender, a transsexual woman to be more precise. This took place in late January and by the end of February I had come out to my entire family and friends, since then my life has been a night and day difference. I'm happy... which was seemingly impossible prior to being honest with myself. I happily had near universal acceptance from both family, as well as friends and in June started laser hair removal on my face and neck (most of my face is clear by now, though area around the mouth especially upper lip have been more stubborn to kill) and I started HRT in July, hope to go full time and live as myself within the first couple of months next year. I have come to embrace life, whereas before I hated every second of it. I look forward to getting out of bed, instead of wanting to sleep every day away. Perhaps most profoundly of all, I want to live a long life.. make up for the 31 plus years I've endured as someone I'm not and before growing old was my biggest fear. To the women on here.... whom in my previous posts I wasn't always too nice toward, I now know that was in large part because I felt I should look more like you all, I felt trapped as the person I was and the body I was in. I was living a personal hell and things like my remaining a virgin at a shall we say an advancing age and my loneliness without someone in my life to call my own while being issues to a certain extent, weren't the real issue. I projected this self loathing at some of you at times and for that I am truly sorry. It's not any of your faults that I was born trans and while I can't change the past, can only make for a better future and once I get further along with my transition, can only hope you all will welcome me into the womanhood fraternity. I'll end by saying this, while I hated posting with this profile as I don't really identify as a shy guy, or really a guy at all... and honestly surprised I even still remembered the log in information, I felt it necessary in case some of you older posters are still around because I wanted to thank you as I was back then. If none of you are still around, then to those current posters I apologize, though may just decide to stay around... though with a new profile more befitting of the real me. I would have never made it this far, likely wouldn't have even remained alive to not only find happiness and joy in life, but live to be my true self if it wasn't for the great posters of this site, in a lot of ways I literally owe my life to this website and that's in no way shape or form an exaggeration. Thank you! Quick edit: Forgot to mention another positive change from being true to myself and finding happiness. I've gone from living a rather sedentary lifestyle, to taking care of myself. I've been a vegetarian for almost 4 years.. but now exercise to go along with it. I've been losing weight and my cholesterol and triglycerides, both of which were much too high have lowered significantly. It's truly amazing how much being happy and enjoying life changes literally everything. Link to comment
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