For those of you who would give anything to be back with your ex

[Foreverxo]

A few years ago, I wrote a post about getting dumped for someone else.

 

 

 

I have been waiting to write this post for sometime. I wanted it to feel right and be honest.

 

When I wrote my earlier post, I was on a mission to find peace within myself despite the heartbreak and find happiness in the things I learned from the experience of being dumped for someone else. I also desperately wanted to reach out to those of you who have been going through the same thing and find a judgement free place, where we could all understand each other. I wrote that thread at a calm time in my life, a time where I was healing.

 

I did learn a lot and I did let go of the negativity that surrounded the messy breakup, but I will not lie and say I never missed my ex or stopped thinking about him. I won't bore you with details of how I lived my life, but I think despite the hurt he caused I always prayed for a reconciliation. I wanted another shot at what we had. We had a beautiful relationship that I did not want to be defined by the breakup. I wanted to act bitter and hate this new girl, but I took this time to work on myself and things I wanted to change. I made mental notes of what I wanted from a new relationship. Basically I took time to myself, kept a good attitude and threw positive energy in the universe. Deep down I hoped he would miss me, but I told myself if he does, then it is great- we can try again. But if not, then I need to be happy and only I can do it.

 

I kept in contact with him once a month. Looking back on it now, I wish I didn't. At the time I couldn't bear the thought of him forgetting me or me forgetting him, so I forced the contact. Each month it would sadden me for a day or two. We were respectable to each other. He recognized what he did wasn't right, but he told me it is what he needed to do. It took me sometime, but I managed to understand him. I guess we all have things we need to do for ourselves and sometimes it hurts other people. He did this because he followed his heart. It was an unfair breakup, but I guess I rather be broken up and have the chance to continue my life journey, then have him stay when deep down he is yearning for something else.

 

I don't mean to sound like I am sticking up for him. I do believe we will all have some temptation in our lives and it is our duty out of love and respect to not give in or question new love once we found it. However, I respect the fact that he left the relationship rather than lie to me. I respect his quest for complete happiness, even if I want it to be in me. Ultimately I want that too.

 

My ex and his girlfriend dated for a year and a half. Then they mutually broke it off. I kept my normal monthly check in with him. We never really talked about their relationship or their breakup right away.

 

I may be one of the lucky ones, or maybe not, but I did have a success story in getting back together. My ex is now my boyfriend and has been for a little over a year.

 

While my boyfriend and I are doing great, it took a lot of work and self preparation for this moment. I learned later on that my boyfriend's relationship with his girlfriend demised because she could feel his heart was still with me. He never denied it either. He never jumped back into my arms and I never went running for him when they broke up, but we slowly formed our relationship through more and more contact. I was weary of getting back into the relationship, but I always knew if I had the chance I would try it, just so I could know.

 

I love my boyfriend, but I want you all to know he is not the same person I dated before. We do not have the same relationship. Part of it is due to time gone by and part is because he dated someone else. I do trust him and believe he got his answer to the life old question "is this who I am supposed to be with in life...am I happy?" For me, it is not a matter of trust, but learning all about the new person he has become. I got lucky in the fact that I love and like this new person, but like I said, he is not who I dated before. I am happy I got a chance to experience life again with him. I always wanted to know what would happen

 

I guess what I am trying to say is that no matter the reason for the break up, it will never the same as it once was. So don't let yourself pine for something that isn't there. Even if your get back together with the same person, the relationship cannot go back to how it was once a split is initiated. That doesn't mean you could never be happy with this person again, but living in the past and remembering how great things were will do nothing for your future.

 

Please take some time for yourself and let fate takes it course. If contacting him or her makes you happy, then do it. If not then don't do it to yourself. I personally wish I really took the time to myself.

 

I won't lie and say I don't get bitter sometimes that he left. I am also thankful we got the time apart too, for I believe it taught us something. It is a wide range of emotions that certainly have changed our relationship, but I love who he has become. I don't think I could handle the this new relationship if I didn't let go of the old one.

 

If you want your ex back and want to be happy at the same time, then accept that it will be different and work solely on making yourself happy. If there is a reconciliation in your future, then it will happen. The success of it, however, will be measured by the time you took to love and strengthen yourself.

[Carus]

Thanks for posting Foreverxo*...I'm glad you found your peace...*

 

I could have written that post up to the part where your BF split up with his rebound and came back...

 

My ex remains with hers but like you mentioned, I have a perverted respect for her that if she was not happy with me then she had the strength to walk away (albeit with someone else)....being that there are a lot of unhappy couples out there that stick it out for various reasons*

 

Regards

Carus* 8-)

[DerekJason]

i enjoyed reading this, foreverxo.

[Sookie]

That is a very nice post! Thank you for sharing it! All the best for your boyfriend and you!!

[eternalsunrise]

...The success of it, however, will be measured by the time you took to love and strengthen yourself.

 

Eloquent post! Best wishes to you and your boyfriend.

[Springs]

How can you have it in your heart to just ignore me so coldly. I shouldn't have text you anyway, and I'm sorry I did. I just couldn't hold the words inside me anymore. They had to get to you. So now you know and there you have it. I am still suffering badly and feel almost as bad as I did in those first few weeks as I do now. I wish you would reach out to me and let me know you have some compassion for me. It's easy for you. You have all your family and your cosy house and all the comfort of your past with you where you are. I have nothing but an empty house, in a cold and lonely place I moved to just for you. And now you're gone. I wish someone would just take the pain away. I can't believe I am still in this much pain. Why can't you have some decency and respond, if even to tell me to move on.

[butterflyburn]

What a lovely story... thanks for sharing

[Springs]

Posted my angry message to ex in this thread by mistake......ooops...!!!!!!

 

Lovely story and makes me see that what we really had as I remember it is gone for good and never coming back.

[blueyes833]

wow, I can definitely relate. Very well put.

[butterflyburn]

Posted my angry message to ex in this thread by mistake......ooops...!!!!!!

 

Lovely story and makes me see that what we really had as I remember it is gone for good and never coming back.

 

Yeah, what was that? LOL

[Springs]

Yeah, what was that? LOL

 

Just another rubbish thing to add to my list of bad things to happen to me today!!! D'oh..

[SweetSeul]

Thank you for sharing your story. We can all learn from it for sure. So the whole time you were apart you still had hope to reconcile right? Did you ever let go of that hope?

 

Everyday that is what I struggle letting go of. The hope.

[MarnDark]

Thanks for coming back and posting. I'm sure your post resonates with a lot of members here.

 

I'm sure you were very hurt initially and, like all of us, confided in your family and friends about the situation. As they saw you through the hurt, how did they react when you told them about getting back with this person who hurt you in the past? I've been very curious about this aspect of reconciliations.

[LSgirl]

This was beautiful, thank you so much for writing this.

[Foreverxo]

Thank you! Keep living in the present everyone!

[Foreverxo]

I would say I had hope for about 6 months. It was hard and thats why I wish I just ended contact a lot sooner. I did, however, think about him everyday and occasionally wonder what it would be like if we did work out- but I wouldnt call it hope. I managed to have fun and not wish to be back with him. I felt happy and it wasn't my center of my every waking thought like it once had been. I think even if we never got back together, I would still think about him everyday- but the hope got less severe when the pain had time to mellow out. When we are hurting in a relationship that ended, we live with hope of getting back together as an instant end to the pain we feel. Once enough time and life progression has gone by the pain isn't as dibilitating and therefore the hope is easy to let go of. Just remember if you hurt now, getting back together won't stop it. Only you can stop it.

[Foreverxo]

Thank you for sharing your story. We can all learn from it for sure. So the whole time you were apart you still had hope to reconcile right? Did you ever let go of that hope?

 

Everyday that is what I struggle letting go of. The hope.

 

I would say I had hope for about 6 months. It was hard and thats why I wish I just ended contact a lot sooner. I did, however, think about him everyday and occasionally wonder what it would be like if we did work out- but I wouldnt call it hope. I managed to have fun and not wish to be back with him. I felt happy and it wasn't my center of my every waking thought like it once had been. I think even if we never got back together, I would still think about him everyday- but the hope got less severe when the pain had time to mellow out. When we are hurting in a relationship that ended, we live with hope of getting back together as an instant end to the pain we feel. Once enough time and life progression has gone by the pain isn't as dibilitating and therefore the hope is easy to let go of. Just remember if you hurt now, getting back together won't stop it. Only you can stop it.

[Foreverxo]

Thanks for coming back and posting. I'm sure your post resonates with a lot of members here.

 

I'm sure you were very hurt initially and, like all of us, confided in your family and friends about the situation. As they saw you through the hurt, how did they react when you told them about getting back with this person who hurt you in the past? I've been very curious about this aspect of reconciliations.

 

It's funny you ask that. My friends claim they knew that we would always be back together. I guess they knew something I never thought would happen. I never thought the right time for us to try again on both ends would happen. They had more support, as he used to be in my group of friends and then after the break up he never came around. I think they were happy to have things be back to normal after so long. They let me be happy, but they are the first to remind me I don't have to be in this relationship if I am not happy. They fear since I invested so much time and effort and love and heartache into our relationship, that I will let anything go so we don't break up. They keep my head on straight, but they have been good.

 

My family is the type that if I love someone and say its ok, then they will. They have treated this like a new relationship, as did I. I think enough time has gone by where all the heart my family went through because of my sadness, we all had time to heal. I have seen a little piece of trust in him left, but its expected. I am hoping things work and so far so good, but I understand its a process for everyone.

[AnnaN]

Such a nice story... I wish you to be happy with him!

I like these stories where true love cannot be gone for ever!

[Vaglar]

Wish you all the success and I hope you both have learned from your mistakes to make this relationship an amazing one. Way to go!!

[mg22]

My question is , if you didnt contact him at all would he still be with you today??? for many of us here we are NC 100% does this change our chances of geting back??

[octour]

My question is , if you didnt contact him at all would he still be with you today??? for many of us here we are NC 100% does this change our chances of geting back??

 

I'd like to know this too. My ex of 3.5 years married her guy she only knew for 2 months. I am still in shock and have been NC for about 2 months despite her attempts to 'coincidentally' show up where she knew I was going to be. I get the same feeling that you had about your family and friends 'knowing' that some day in the future things will go back to 'normal'.

[mg22]

Seems she slapping you in the face showing up places your at Octour, guess she doing this to make her look like the good person out of guilt for what she did ! dont fall for any of her schemes.

[octour]

Seems she slapping you in the face showing up places your at Octour, guess she doing this to make her look like the good person out of guilt for what she did ! dont fall for any of her schemes.

 

I've actually moved away for the next 6 months, so her showing up won't be a problem anymore. And from what her friend tells me, she was there to find out what I have been up to, where I'm moving to etc. I think she's already having 2nd guesses, but I could be kidding myself too.

[mg22]

of course she's curious about you., she may have made a big mistake in her life by marrying someone so fast.. you did the right thing by moving away., silence is the worst medicine to swallow ! looks like you are the winner here !!