lanaa Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 I contacted my ex after 3 months to wish him a happy holiday! We had a bad breakup and he didnt try to contact me in those 3 months(only to wish me a happy b day),he did contact my sister a couple of times.So anyway,this is what i sent him and his reply(its just my translation since we don't speak in English,i try to make it as identical ) me: Heey ex, happy holiday,i hope you had a great day and i hope you are doing good he: Hello Laniiii(if i can still call you that lol),thanks for remembering me.I did not have the courage to write first.I am good thanks my mother just got back from Croatia so i had a wonderful day.Happy holiday to you too and your parents and sister(and then he mentioned them all in name) i hope you are doing good too..." so any thoughts? how did he sound? should i reply? Link to comment
laura40 Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 He sounded friendly. I would reply just saying that you are doing good too and thanks for asking, then leave it at that. Link to comment
marshmallito Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 He sounds friendly and relieved you aren't angry (or something similar) at him. Nothing more. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 He was responding to you in a friendly and polite manner. Who ended the relationship? If it was him then I wouldn't assume that his response means that anything has changed as he could have reached out to you at any time if he really wanted to. If it was you, then I would be very careful of your responseas as it may give him false hope. At the very least send him something very short and simple, like "No problem, glad you are doing well". Link to comment
lanaa Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 He was responding to you in a friendly and polite manner. Who ended the relationship? If it was him then I wouldn't assume that his response means that anything has changed as he could have reached out to you at any time if he really wanted to. If it was you, then I would be very careful of your responseas as it may give him false hope. At the very least send him something very short and simple, like "No problem, glad you are doing well". It was him that broke it up but we were friends after that,and i don't have any hope right now since he lives in a different country and we wont see eachother in a few months .but i do want us to become friends again He could not really reach out after our fight 3 months ago.I don't know i should reply without any questions and see if he replies again? Link to comment
marshmallito Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 What is your goal? Just to be friends? Then why not, just write a friendly reply. But if you have hopes for more in a few months I wouldn't do anything to risk pressuring him or being friend-zoned. Link to comment
lanaa Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 What is your goal? Just to be friends? Then why not, just write a friendly reply. But if you have hopes for more in a few months I wouldn't do anything to risk pressuring him or being friend-zoned. friends for now,later maybe more.But i miss him mostly as a friend right now Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 friends for now,later maybe more.But i miss him mostly as a friend right now You still obviously have romantic feelings for him. Don't try and fool yourself into thinking you can just be friends. You will just end up hurting yourself. Do you really want to be a part of his life as he moves on to another woman? Link to comment
lanaa Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 after 3 months i think i am stable enough Link to comment
butterflyburn Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 U should never break no contact unless he does. Golden rules. Restart no contact Link to comment
hausser Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Um he sounded happy and positive, maybe one more message wouldn't hurt but if he doesn't respond favourably i.e. ask you a question back then I'd leave it and go back NIC. Link to comment
lanaa Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 Um he sounded happy and positive, maybe one more message wouldn't hurt but if he doesn't respond favourably i.e. ask you a question back then I'd leave it and go back NIC. Exactly what I thought Link to comment
hausser Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Go for it, you have nothing to lose just be prepared as best you can to deal with the feeling should he not want to carry the convo on though, it's a not a nice feeling lol. Link to comment
lanaa Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 yes i know but what can you do lol Link to comment
espress Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Don't do anything, let the situation breathe. He knows you're willing to communicate with him, so now give him a few days to see if he'll contact you on his own. Don't initiate any more contact. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I have tried to use the rule of thumb of not responding unless there is something to respond to. You reached out, he responded. He didn't ask any questions. I would let it lie and leave him wonder about why you reached out to him. Trying to keep the communication going past the initial intent of wishing him a happy birthday will be obvious to him that you are seeking more. Just let it be. Link to comment
needsomelove Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Yes... be very careful. 4 months no contact with my ex. I know exactly how you feel , there are days you are sad and miss them. You miss them as a human being / friend / mate. You're lonely. The danger is that you get pulled back into a situation that is not healthy. I'm trying to move on , meet new people and do new things. Good luck! xxx Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I also think you are lying to yourself a little. You are seemingly using the friend route to another end. For him, being friends (or even just friendly) might BE the end. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 friends for now,later maybe more.But i miss him mostly as a friend right now Hmm I think you need to be careful here. If your intention in becoming friends with him is to eventually get back together then you could end up being hurt all over again. Will being friends with him ever be good enough? I mean really? I know that you are probably willing to take friendship over nothing right now but remaining friends with an ex to whom you are still emotionally attached only causes continued heartache and prolongs the healing process. I think you need to think long and hard before going down this route. If this guy is ever likely to want you back then that realisation will hit him regardless. In fact he is more likely to realise what he has lost if you are permanently out of his life and not waiting in the wings so, in that respect, I'm not sure being friends will help you in ANY way. The reasons why I personally wouldn't reply is because (1) he was the one who ended the relationship but he has never reached out to you in the time that you have been apart. I'm sure if he really felt the need to he would have done so; (2) he never actually asked you a question to which you could respond to, meaning he hasn't gone out of his way to keep communication going; and (3) seeing as you were the one that reached out to him initially I kinda feel that the ball is in his court to take this further if he should so wish. At least he knows he can now. However I do understand that you will have a burning desire to respond. So if it is something that you are going to do then, as I said above, try to keep it short n sweet and leave it there. Let him make the next move but, above all, be careful not to be pulled into something that you can't handle. Link to comment
lanaa Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 Well i thought a first message is not showing enough so i decided to reply and this is what i wrote: Thanks i wish you and your mother the same haha i have nothing against you calling me "lani" ,i came up with that nickname you know enjoyed my day too,even the weather was great " his reply : Nice i can see you still remember your former "mother in law" lol,no you know i came up with that name haha.What are you doing these days,study or work? did you change your hair color from blonde to brown? so should i answer short with no questions back? Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Is this the kind of contact you want with him? It seems like meaningless texts to me ---- but at some point, one of you will forget to ask a question, and it will end. And you will be back to the state of confusion. Link to comment
lanaa Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 well of course i don't want that,so what should i do or say now? Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 Finish the texting on purpose. You started it --- end it w/ answering his questions as briefly as possible, then say you got to go. Then don't contact him again. He has to show interest --- not respond. Anything less is kind of empty. Link to comment
The Man Who Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 And we're now shuffling with breadcrumbs..... Lanaa - The law of attraction will see right through your methods. As someone else said earlier, it's clear to me you want to be his friend with the added bonus that he wants you then as his girlfriend again. You might be able to tell porkies to us but the universe will see right through that and you will get what you most fear. Don't say you weren't warned, several people in this thread have given really good advice but you chose to ignore it. Link to comment
lonelyheart2 Posted November 8, 2011 Share Posted November 8, 2011 I remember reading about the law of attraction..I thought that if you really believed something could happen and you wanted it, it would but you couldn't manifest it about people? Link to comment
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