jimbobday Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Hi Guys, I don't understand why I am getting over my ex so quickly. We broke up last Sunday after a year and a half living together and 5 years being together and i'm already getting over her. I can already look at a photo of her and not feel any pain but instead just hope she enjoys and gets everything in life. I can go to places we went to and not feel pain but instead just enjoy the memories we once had then move on. I haven't any desire to message her after the breakup and have no desire to contact her. I don't understand last time this happened I was a mess for months. Sure my confidence and self esteem are shot and I feel very lonely and feel like I won't ever find someone but still have no desire to be with her. Its like this desire has just turned into a I wish her a happy life. I'm already starting to look forward a bit to some of the things in front of me. Starting back at the gym, making new friends, going on a course etc I realize I will go through ups and downs but at the moment everyone has been commenting on how well I've handled this. Anyone have any ideas why this might be? Link to comment
Aleina2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Did you break up with her or was she the dumper? Maybe if the relationship wasn't working you are just relieved that you are no longer in it... Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 You'll find that maybe today or tomorrow you won't miss her, perhaps you're just angry at her or whatever the case may be. There will be times when you will though. Nobody can get over a relationship in a week...just like a relationship recovering from one has it's ebbs and flows. Link to comment
jimbobday Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 I broke up with her but at the time it felt like the last thing I wanted to do. I still love her but just want her to be happy and move on with her life. I can say I don't really feel pain over the breakup now and haven't done in three days. Its like i've stopped talking about the relationship with friends and family and now just concentrating on what I'm going to do. I suppose maybe the saying if you really love them set them free comes into play here Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Interesting. I, too, was handling it well at the beginning. Like you, people were commenting on how well I was coping. But I had her junglebook password and read a convo where it seemed as though she was being set up to hook up with a friend of a friend. That convo was one month after our 4.5 year relationship ended. I immediately e-mailed her to change the password (thankfully, I may still be checking today if I hadn't.) Since reading that convo I have been up and down. Sorry to burst your bubble, if I did, but congrats on your rapid progress. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Yeah I agree lol you're not over her you're on an emotional high getting over someone is like a roller coaster! You are feeling high high high...........it could last a couple weeks maybe a month then BOOM you will go straight down, lol it's awful ... It would be a miracle if you got over someone that fast, for reals. You would of had to not be into this girl at all... So yeah the feeling will come... Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Like for instance a week ago I was bawling and wanting to kill myself over him. Today I feel like a million bucks, i don't miss him I don't want to see him and I feel like if I see him with another woman I will be like okay awesome you two be happy together! But tomorrow I will prob wake up wanting to die again.....feelings are sooo weird.. Link to comment
lanaa Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Guys usually feel the pain a lot later Link to comment
jimbobday Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Thanks all, Puts things into perspective. No bursting any bubbles here I expect there to be ups and downs but expected myself to be a mess at the start. I can picture her being with someone else with next to no pain and am pretty sure she is already seeing someone else and am almost in a way happy for her. In a way over the last week I've come to terms with the fact that I will never see her again. There is no anger, no pain. I think this may have partially been due to the fact the relationship had been going downhill for 2 months and I did a lot of grieving then. I guess Ill see how I go over the next week or so to gauge things a bit better Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 You think she's already seeing someone else just 10 days after a 5 year ended and you're okay with it?! Good on ya, man! Link to comment
jimbobday Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Yea man and its only been 6 days Think she was seeing someone before I ended it. So In a way guess I did most of my grieving then and have moved on to just forgive her and hope she is happy. I wish I was on an emotional high but now just feel relaxed and pretty much like my normal self with a confidence and self esteem downgrade Link to comment
DN Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 This is why ... (from one of your previous threads) I know that the relationship had been over for a while things weren't right. We had pretty much stopped having sex, she was out 3 nights a week and some nights never came home and others came home drunk, She was cold towards me and we never really talked anymore, The intimacy had gone and really she did nothing around the house anymore ... you don't have to put up with that nonsense any more. Link to comment
jimbobday Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Thanks DN for pointing that out. That makes complete sense. Almost makes it a relief to not put up with any of that anymore and to know I'm moving on with my life without having to put up with all the emotional turmoil. I've forgiven her for all of that though and wish her a happy rest of her life Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 Great investigative work, DN. Seems as though you're both moving on quite nicely, jimbobday. Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Good for you, brudda! Take all the time you need, then get back to the hunt. You have a good relationship to find and look forward to (when your ready). Link to comment
jimbobday Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 Thanks guys, Went over to our old place yesterday to pick up more of my stuff and found an empty packet of condoms next to the bed. Gave me a bit of an initial sinking feeling but that soon passed. Dont think ill be ready to date again for another 6 months though got to be really happy with my life as a single person. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 gratz on you not caring.. I wish I could be that way... I was in 3 years, she was setting up a new relationship under my nose and was waiting till it was a done deal before she pulled the trigger on me.... 1 min she was saying all kinds of wonderful thing... a week later she goes cold... 2 weeks i spend trying to repair and fight for things.... I pull the trigger when i found out she was talking to this guy... 1 week later shes in a relationship with him... moves accross country to be with him and now engaged. she never said goodbye, no sorry, no closure... just up and left and never looked back... 6 months time span.... I fantasize about pulling her eyes out and running a drill through her ears..... let her live life blind and deaf... that woman was the worst female to ever enter my life... she is ranked #1 as the worst relationship I have ever, or will ever have. for the most part though... im dating, happy, have rebuilt and improved.. my life is far superior then when I was with her... and knowing she has no problem doing what she did with a clear conscience, I obviously could do better.... But I still would spit on her and the ground she walks on... literally ..... thankfully she doesn't have the guts or the face to ever present herself in my life again.... Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 haha I feel the same only I hope God makes him die or whatever, I dont wanna be the one to go to prison for yanking his eyes out hehe Link to comment
Benville Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 If by some minute possibility you are indeed over her after such a short time, then I suspect you emotionally checked out of your relationship quite some while ago and it took you that amount of time to do the deed and end it for whatever reasons. EDIT - just read DN's post referencing one of your previous threads, seems fairly accurate! Speaking from personal experience, I went through about a 72-96 hour window of horrid emotions after a semi-mutual breakup, followed by a month or two of feeling perfectly fine and done with it all. Only to crash back to day 1 emotions during the third month, and been rebuilding since then. I'd be surprised if nothing else came back to haunt you or bite you, but you'd be a lucky fella if they don't. Link to comment
Notagoodninja Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Good for you, brudda! Take all the time you need, then get back to the hunt. You have a good relationship to find and look forward to (when your ready). Ohhhh you're a member of the GOOD OLD BOYS club now Link to comment
jimbobday Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 Thanks guys, I definitely had checked out of the relationship emotionally a while back. I grieved there's no doubt about that. I begged there's no doubt about that. But I've come to realize now she will never come back to me and I will never go back to her. There were things that were fundamentally wrong with the relationship (Communication, trust etc). We DID NOT WORK together. This has helped me move on. I know there will be a down at some point but for now I have a lot of work to do on myself before I'm ready to date again. I have to repair my self confidence, work through my issues and create a new and improved me Link to comment
Benville Posted November 7, 2011 Share Posted November 7, 2011 Sounds like you know what you've got to do jimbo. Know that we're all here if needed on your off-days, lord knows I've relied on this place when I've had a bad day over the months. Link to comment
jimbobday Posted November 7, 2011 Author Share Posted November 7, 2011 Thanks guys and girls Yep New Zealand is an awesome place with some cool friendly people in it and lots of outdoor stuff to do as well. So I sent a letter to my ex last night as a final point of closure. I have to say that it was the most genuine thing I have ever sent to her and I would say I'm usually pretty open and honest and genuine. I basically got back a nasty reply stating that because I put down intimacy as one of the contributing factors to us breaking up that I just moved in with her so I could have sex when I wanted it and that I'm selfish and only care about myself and that I'm childish and immature. To tell you the truth I found it very immature and unattractive. Its made me really see her nasty non caring side and in a way helped me to move on even more even if my self esteem and confidence took a bit of a hit. It really doesn't deserve a reply and won't be getting one. Got to remain the bigger person here. I don't blame her and have forgiven her for everything even though she continues to blame me for everything. I know my issues and know what I have to do to get through them so onwards and upwards Excuse my rant just had to get that one off my chest Link to comment
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