How to get over someone you see everyday

[ITGirl73]

I need tips badly on how to get over someone that I see everyday.

 

We sit opposite to each other, he blows very hot and cold with me - he can be all chat and then turn very cold and when I stop chatting back for a few days he starts chatting to me again and keeps trying until I chat back.

He keeps asking me out to lunch with him and another friend, I go since I need to get back to a normal working relationship but I think about him all of the time and it is stopping me from moving on - I know the best therapy is to date someone else but I am not meeting anyone else when I do go out it is just not happening for me.

 

He gets jealous if he sees me chatting to other guys at work and when we are on work nights out I stay away from him but he keeps coming over saying hi so he is there all of the time.

 

So how do you get over someone that you think the world of - that you nearly ended up in a relationship with until he changed his mind and keep things professional?

 

For example next week I am sitting away from him so great can keep communication down to absolute zero but then the two of us are on a work day out the following week so stuck together again so we keep been thrown together.

 

Any thoughts please since everything I am trying here is not working.

[phasegirl]

I don't think there is any way to do that except by having self control, or by switching jobs. With the former (self control), you'll just have to look at all the negative things about him - look closely, you'll find them, and they'll be a turnoff.

[DylanNotorious]

Your still too hung up on how you think he views you. You should stop caring. If you want to blow hot/cold to him than just do it. Do what he does to you. Stop going out with him and his friend for lunch, tell his friend that you will have lunch with him and not your crush. Who cares what your crush thinks. Start being yourself and stop caring what your crush thinks about it. If he confronts you, well he won't. Because what is there to confront?

 

He gets a kick out of you pining over him and having power over you. You need to stop this behaviour tomorrow when you go into work. Tomorrow it becomes about you and how you don't care how he perceives you.

[Ms Darcy]

ItGirl, you post about this every week. My advice is to talk to him directly. I know it's scary, but you are not going to get over this until you can talk to him and understand the reality.

 

I have mentioned my "thing" with a co-worker and believe me I know how much time and energy you devote to it. I still think about him. But making my boundaries clear to him has helped me IMMENSELY and I am dating a very nice guy right now. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[ChellyV]

Stop joining them for lunch or any social activities off work. Keep it strictly work. It isnt even necessary to ask "how are you doing"?. Just say good morning, et al. and maintain office decorum.

Distance yourself. Heal. Do not think about how you will impact him on every movement. Easier said than done, but in time, you can make it. Like Darcy said, make your boundaries clear.