Not sure if I should continue dating him

[dorado23]

Hi, I am new here and am hoping for some advice. I am a divorced mother and I started talking to an old friend of mine who is also divorced. He has kids with his ex wife and also has a kid with an ex girlfriend. The problem is that we both get along great,he is very good to me. He worries and pays attention to me and makes me laugh but I am worried about his past. He has to see his kid with the exgirlfriend there without me being there and also goes to his ex wifes house for the other kids. I dont know if I am willing to be in a relationship with this guy since we kinda started dating but I dont know how to react to the situation. He wants to move way too fast and has told his family about me but I havent done the same since I am scared he might go back with his ex who is 5 years younger than me and super hot, I am think Im pretty but she is a lot prettier. I feel very insecure but sad because I really like him and I know he likes me. Should I not worry or is the fact that he has 2 ex's w kids a red flag? please be nice with your replies

[Cadence44]

How long have you been together? How long has he been divorced? Why did they get divorced? Who split up with who?

 

His wanting to move fast could be a red flag in that he could be looking to you to fill a void left in his life after the divorce. It sounds like you're slowing him down, and that's good. You want to go into this with a clear head and an idea of what you're getting into and it sounds like you haven't quite figured that out yet.

 

And pretty isn't everything. Stop comparing yourself to his ex because there is always going to be someone prettier than you, kinder than you, and smarter than you. That is true for everyone. The important thing is that he is with you now.

 

You can't protect yourself from getting hurt because every relationship is a risk. All you can do is keep your eyes and ears open and make some healthy boundaries for yourself.

[dorado23]

thanks for your advice we have been together for 2 months but Ive known him for 4 years, he has been divorced for 4 yrs and split with his ex girlfriend a year ago, he says she left him not sure what the story is. But you are right about comparing myself, I shouldnt be.

[abitbroken]

I think that it is unreasonable at this point to expect for you to be present when he is with his ex wife and kids or ex girlfriend and kids. The point of those visits is the children, and for him to pick them up/drop them off or come over for their birthday. You are not "in their family" at this point and insisting you come could bring drama and would not be 'taking it slow." I think that in time, if you guys are long term, it would be reasonable if he still went to pick up the kids himself, but didn't hide you - i.e., you happened to be over when the ex dropped them off. But for now leave it be. If you have known him for 4 years, you know that he is not on again/off again with his ex wife - its done and over. If you don't know what is up with the ex girlfriend, you have a right to know something. not every detail but how they left it, etc. In time you will see how he really deals with them. To me, two exes with kids is too much drama for me. I could handle one, but not two.

 

I think that him telling his family about you so early on is fine to say he is seeing someone. But not a promise yet of you being a part of the family.

 

Just keep your eyes open, and keep your kids first. I would not let them meet him at this point, If he is a friend and they saw him before all the time, maybe thats one thing but i wouldn't include him as your love interest to them all the time yet

[dorado23]

Hi abitbroken, I understand him seeing the kids alone but what I am concerned about is the exgirlfriend. She never lets him pick up his son,she has to be with him and the son wherever he decides to take his son. For example he wants to take his son to the park,she will go with him so they spend time together as well as him with his son. I think he should be able to see his son without her having to be with him supervising,just saying. My kids havent met him, i am not comfortable yet and he understands. And i dont think I could handle two exes eiterh,it is a lot of drama and they still dont know about me. ill probable have to wait til the right guy comes along, my focus is my kids,they have always been but it would be nice to have someone to spend time with and talk to. I think I will have to talk to him and express what I am feeling. Thanks for the advice