Desperately needs advice from women!

[Hawx79]

How much in love are you when you feel the need to cry every time when thinking of a girl that she might never wants to be with you?

 

I met this girl online for 2 months now and she is the most beautiful i have ever seen and so sweet but she lives in another country, ive sent her my best picture of me and she said i look nice, however normally im so much uglier!

I never had a girlfriend or relationship and im 32, so im totally in the dark on how to get to her heart.

I am still corresponding with this girl but i feel im coming on her too strong and a bit obsessed too. If there's any girl here that would like private me and help me in the process of getting to my girl's heart with advice and tips, i would be in your debt forever.

 

Ive heard a tip of someone else telling me not to talk about myself to much but ask her lots of question, that why i wil keep being mysterious to her and she will feel more connected to me for telling me about her.

 

I would feel so ackward to think meeting her for real one day and walk hand in hand or sitting with her talking. But i love her with all my heart and would do anything for her.

I am a very friendly but extremely nervous and shy person, but i dont think women like that in a man?

Please help me, i can never love anyone else in my life if she decides to leave as she is also the only girl i have ever ordered and sent flowers too.

[laura40]

Hi,

 

There's always a debate on whether you can actually love someone without meeting them.

 

Here are a few questions:

 

Are you sure you're in love with her? Or are you in lust with her? Is she the first woman to ever show you attention on a romantic level?

 

Is there any possibility you could meet?

 

How much do you chat? Do you initiate the conversation or does she?

 

Where did you meet her online?

 

 

It seems you're head over heels for this girl. Be careful. You've never met and you could easily get hurt.

[offplanet]

As you have never had a gf before, it seems that you were just waiting to fall in love with the first beautiful girl who talked to you. If not her, it would have been the next one. You were ripe for falling in love! That doesn't mean that this girl is the only girl you could ever love. Sorry to say, but chances are that nothing will come of this. She will be getting lots of attention from other guys, so you have a lot of competition. It's not a good idea choosing someone from another country to pin your hopes on. In fact, it's a terrible idea. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak by putting your hopes on a beautiful girl in another country who is also meeting lots of other guys online. She can disappear out of your life at any moment if she chooses to push the ignore button for any reason. She is a shadow, a ghostly butterfly, a ship that passes in the night. It would be a better idea, if you are very shy, to ask a friend or family member to help you meet a girl in the area you live in. Please don't expect too much from any online contact.

[Hawx79]

Hi thanks for your relpy.

 

Are you sure you're in love with her? Or are you in lust with her? Is she the first woman to ever show you attention on a romantic level?""

I dont think i have lust for her because sex isnt the thing that comes in mind when seeing or thinking of her at all. She just showed so much affection to me in her emails that i slowly started to feel more and more attached to her and now im totally crazey about her. I just dream to want her to be my girl friend or even wife!

 

Is there any possibility you could meet?""

I have mentioned to her i want to come visit her in spring next year as a sort of date and she agreed...altought im afraid she will not be able to accept me the way i am because im so awkward with women, its really laughable in a bad way! Im trying to work on this but im just so late.

 

How much do you chat? Do you initiate the conversation or does she?""

We write emails to each other but she also asked me she wanted to web cam chat with me, i told her i shaved my head, i feel uncomfortable for her to see me like this so i need more time. And meantime im trying to practice on what i will say then but the biggest worry for me here is how i am going to represent myself, i have a childish look to me and she might just start laughing at me and just start to be disliking me for it. Any tips how i can make a good impression on the webcam i would really like to hear.

 

Where did you meet her online?

On a international dating site

[Hawx79]

Offplanet thanks, i appreciate your advice, however other girls simply do nothing for me even if they are beautiful, i keep thinking only of her every day and hour, and as she lives in Romania, a very poor country but i dont think this means she is after money right away, cause i know women there are much more traditional then western women are, and they care bit less about looks of a man and more about there honesty and financial security.

 

I almost know for a certain if i cannot have her, i will always be alone, cause it never happened so i dont expect to find a woman anytime soon either...Women here are just not accepting of me.

[OrangeMoon]

Insecurity will kill any relationship if you let it. If she said you looked nice..it probably already meant that she has seen that you are not the next topmodel but cute enough for her.

 

get a webcam sweetheart..and start talking to her. Its important to mimic as much realness as possible..download skype..and talk to each other the way you would if she was sitting next to you. Its no different.

 

Putting on some persona, or have strategies when it comes to getting to know someone..and someone getting to know you is just BS and a lot of waste of time.

 

So get a cam, download skype..and just talk. And if you have met her on an international site..then my guess is that you are already fully prepared that at some point if a contact looked promising you would meet each other (=buy a ticket, to meet each other). Otherwise why would you have even bothered to hang out there..

 

Internet is just a way to get connected..but the actual building of anything real starts with a meeting..

 

Being excited to see her and talk to her is great..obsessing..no.. It simply means you need to occupy your time with more things to focus on.

 

You really need to get over the fear of her rejecting you. Because if she is going to..better to let it happen now..than wait until your feelings go overboard. She has a right to be with a man she feels attracted to..and that doesnt mean that you are not..its just how she feels and what her standards are. And you being insecure might ruin even more than her being superficial..

 

Practice what you would like to know..or think about topics to talk about..movies, love, countries..just keep it fun..it will go naturally..

 

But dont stall..because she might run because of that..and its better if you know if someone is truly interested in the real you..

[laura40]

Hi,

 

You sound so head over heels for her. As I said be careful. I think it's too soon to be thinking of her as a girlfriend or wife. Yes you might be thinking "but I know her so well" but anyone can say anything online. It's so easy to lie.

 

I hope you don't take offence to what I'm about to say, but I think you think you're in love with her because she's the first beautiful girl who's given you so much attention.

 

You sound shy aswell. You need to work on your confidence.

 

As you in too deep now, it's hard to say "don't expect anything when or if you do meet." Or to say "don't become emotionally involved."

 

I sound cynical in this post, but you have to prepare yourself. What is she finds someone else before you two meet? Or if she suddenly disappears? This can happen when you meet someone on a dating site.

[Hawx79]

Broken34 Yes you are right she does has a right to be with a man she feels attracted too and i would not bother her if she just said i dont like you however she didnt yet and as silly as this sounds i am really awaiting for my hair to grow back few weeks more as i look much better then, every bit helps.

 

Laura40 whatever the reason im in love, all i can say is i just am and i just need to conquer her heart any way i can.

 

I have sent her an email telling her i am going to learn Romanian and as she likes snowboarding i even read a whole article about that on wiki asking her questions about what kinad board she used and if there good pistes where she is. I hope she will appreciate that.

 

Im an emotional wreck now, i just cry spontaneously when thinking how ripe i am for a total broken heart.

[laura40]

Hi again, I am sorry you are an emotional wreck and I hope you feel okay soon.

You can enter with an open heart, but be prepared she might reject you, disappear on you, or find someone else. I am not saying these things to make you upset, I am just saying them because they could happen.

 

However much you do to try and please her, she still might do these things, so as I say, be prepared.

 

I must say I think it's rather sweet that you're going to learn Romanian and read up on skiing for her! Is she Romanian then?

 

I also think you need to build your confidence up with women. She's not going to be the only one romantically in your life.

 

Do you try and meet women offline?

 

Also, have you spoken of your romantic feelings to her? And do you know if she feels the same?

[Hawx79]

I just got an email from her saying very nice things to me when i told her how much i love her so obviously i feel better now, however she doesnt mention she loves me at all, almost like she's keeping me as reserve or something, but then again maybe thats just her way, maybe she just want me to keep pursuing her?

 

"She's not going to be the only one romantically in your life."

Actually im pretty sure she will, because i mentioned in my earlier post really no women here like me, and they never did and dont think they will either soon.

She is really my first and only romantic connection i have ever had in my life and i am already 32! But i am really worried how im going to come accross her when im going to visit her next year, i have really zero experience with woman and anyone seeing me with a woman would surely laugh his ass off, im sure...Its going to be a real embarrassment, i can just see it now...So i already started to read alot of articles online how to impress girls and how to act etc...

 

But you are right i think its best if i meet women offline for experience, but im just too shy and afraid for that, they will reject me i know, and it will hurt my confidence alot more, so i dont know if thats a good idea, but on the other side if i get rejected enough i might start not to care at all?

I just dunno, and i will soon see her on webcam, i just dont know how to look with my stupid face trying to put a forced smile non stop! But maybe its better she rejects me on webcam then when i see her. But if she did that i would be devastated. How can i make a good impression on webcam?

[laura40]

Just be yourself. I know it's a bit of a cliche, but it's true. We can tell when a guy is putting on a fake act.

Be smiley, friendly, ask her lots about herself, and of course seem interested!!

 

Obviously you're nervous, but you do have a right to be, I bet she's nervous too. However, don't let nerves get in the way...be yourself! I've had men be nervous infront of me, and of course some nerves are healthy but being too nervous can ruin it. How many times have I typed the word "nervous" in that sentence??!!

 

Try not to keep thinking "she'll reject me." I say this, because once I met a man who kept saying I was too good looking for him...I tried to tell him that I thought he was great & I wasn't even worried about it, but he kept telling me over and over that he was worried I'd reject him when we finally met, or that I was too good looking or good for him. In the end it just put me off, as I felt I had to sit and reassure this man before we even met. I didn't end up meeting him because of that.

 

Are you going to be flying over to see her then? Or is she coming to you? Or meeting in the middle?

[laura40]

P.s I don't think you should have told her you loved her before you met her. It can scare some girls away. Just my personal opinion.

[Hawx79]

Hello laura40

Thanks for your advice, i plan on going to visit her but i think its better to first see each other on webcam so i'd feel a little more comfortable when seeing her for real and also ill notice if she is accepting of me, she has to know by know that i really care for her. What would that do to a women knowing that you mean everything for them even if the guy is not her type and ugly? Can she still feel attracted to him despite of that?

...But sometimes my nerves really crack and i just want to give up because its causing me so much stress.

 

Yes you are right that i should not have that i love her so much in every email...That takes away the meaning of it.

[laura40]

I agree you should see each other on webcam before you meet.

 

Ok, if a guy was in love with me and said I meant everything to him, and I was not at all attracted to him, then I would be flattered but I couldn't date him just because he felt so much love for me. To date someone, I have to be attracted to both their looks and their personality and attitude.

 

By the way, by saying I need to be attracted to their looks it does not mean I'm shallow. Appearance does come into it and I am sure most people would agree with me.

 

I think you should stop worrying about how you look, or come accross as. How do you know she's not into you?

Have some confidence and be yourself.

 

I'm gonna re-type what I first said, arrange a webcam chat, maybe through Skype or something.

[Hawx79]

She's not into me, actually all women find me ugly so why would she be any different? So here i am already paid for my Romanian language lessons, might as well finish it!

I see now ill always be alone as no woman could find me attractive, even find me repulsive i would say, despite me being very athletic, not smoking nor drinking and working out almost everyday!

I know ill never be able to love another as she was unique to me, one of a kind...I have deleted all her pictures but her images still stuck in my mind and its very painful to think about her especially considering she'll find another one day, while me left miserably alone for the rest of my life...I just cannot imagine i could love anyone else ever..Life can be cruel...

[laura40]

Has something happened recently regarding this girl?

 

You say she's not into you, how do you know? Has she told you this?

 

You need to stop torturing yourself with the thoughts of her finding someone new. I'm going to be harsh and say yes she probably will find someone new, but guess what, so will you.