endy Posted October 12, 2011 Share Posted October 12, 2011 We know it's hard, but the ideal thing to do is to heal. Not get her back, not be there for her, but yourself. I know you think contacting her is going to help you short term, or her. But examine why you are wanting to do this. It's out of fear of being alone most likely. We are here to help you, but people on here, especially those above, have usually been in this situation numerous times. What we are advising may not seem right to you at the time, but in time you'll realize it was in your best interests to keep NC. You're going to get through it, and you're going to be a better person once you learn and grow from this experience. If that leads to her and you both changing over time and coming back together that's fine. The majority of people that do grow and learn from it realize that their ex was really not that great for them in the first place with time. Just take it day by day, and do not contact her. Make it a goal for 90 days... after that's over make it a goal for a year. After that usually you are in a place where you will already have met someone else, or will have a clearer idea on who you are, who she is and if you would even want to get back with her. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 It's quite weird but I get dreams about her even though during the day I try not to think about her -It's been just 1 month to BU/NC and already feels like years since I have talked to her - Dunno if she thinks anything about me Link to comment
harsh284 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 She called me today out of the blue - we talked for an hour in general and not about the relationship - wat should i do next? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Hon---- you're not listening. Do nothing. Just heal yourself. Link to comment
raton44 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 don't initiate any more contact, that's for sure...I know she did this time, but help yourself! Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 She called me up again and we talked - I also called her a couple of times - we had contact for few days but then I asked her where are we heading and wats her stand - then she said that she has not changed her stand - I told her that we should not contact in that case - after that I messaged her "Just one last thing. I may have sent wrong signals. We cannot be friends. We can only be in a relationship. Best of luck." - I am continuing No Contact and if this time she contacts me I will not respond. Please advice. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Someone please help!! Did i do the right thing??? Link to comment
Hastyhand Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 we dont know the content of your convos, you might have come off wrongly and pushing her even further away.. but the last text was a good thing. Just stay NC until SHE will come to YOU. there is no point having a contact with her because there is not a single thing on earth you can say that would make her come back. stupid free will, ey? Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 I have posted all the content of our convos - earlier she had said she wanted to be with someone who is more intelligent than her and I am not as intellectual as she is - this time when I asked where we are heading she said her stand is unchanged - Then I replied with the above post - I am still continuing NC - No signs of her coming back we dont know the content of your convos, you might have come off wrongly and pushing her even further away.. but the last text was a good thing. Just stay NC until SHE will come to YOU. there is no point having a contact with her because there is not a single thing on earth you can say that would make her come back. stupid free will, ey? Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 You have only been NC for 3 days. Stop looking for signs. She has stated her feelings, and they won't change in a couple of days or weeks. Maybe months or years, but you have no control over that. What you do have control over is your life. So, get to it!!! Live your life to the best of your ability. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 You have only been NC for 3 days. Stop looking for signs. She has stated her feelings, and they won't change in a couple of days or weeks. Maybe months or years, but you have no control over that. What you do have control over is your life. So, get to it!!! Live your life to the best of your ability. Yes I have been NC for last 3 days but this was after she contacted me after 1 month of NC Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 But that is still not enough time, and then you went back to regular contact for a bit. Just disappear back into your own life. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 But that is still not enough time, and then you went back to regular contact for a bit. Just disappear back into your own life. I am feeling low and lonely - dunno wat to do ? - she has probably forgotten me - it really hurts me a lot Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 She may have but you didn't tell her off as far as she thinks she can dial you up whenever and have you fawn all over her Ego. To hell with her. She insulted your intelligence! Link to comment
Mesemene Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 harsh - get out of the house and do something, anything!!! Sitting feeling low and lonely is about the same as being her personal voodoo doll for her to poke pins at - except realistically, you're poking the pins in yourself with these 'what ifs' and speculation. Pins are for sewing. Try sewing a piece of yourself back on, instead of poking more holes in yourself. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 6, 2011 Author Share Posted November 6, 2011 She may have but you didn't tell her off as far as she thinks she can dial you up whenever and have you fawn all over her Ego. To hell with her. She insulted your intelligence! i feel sad and hurt because I expected so much but didnt get anythin Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Expectations can get you in to trouble...now goals those are much different. Now hold your head high, keep your eyes on the prize and man up. Vent to me in PM if you need. I got you bruh. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 8, 2011 Author Share Posted November 8, 2011 still feeling the pain Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 i am going home next week - should I call her and ask her to meet - this will be my only chance to meet her - after this I will be able to meet her only after a very long time(if we meet) I am confused Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 Should i call her and tell her that i am coming on thursday and if u wanna meet? Link to comment
dallasdaisy Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 No, I do not think you should call her. However, I am in a very similar situation and would have a hard time not making contact. We are not in the same city and he has hurt me repeatedly. I am still attempting contact which has gotten me nowhere. All we can do is try not to contact and reach out on here if you need a friend. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 No, I do not think you should call her. However, I am in a very similar situation and would have a hard time not making contact. We are not in the same city and he has hurt me repeatedly. I am still attempting contact which has gotten me nowhere. All we can do is try not to contact and reach out on here if you need a friend. I think she will reply to my call though not sure - but my concern is if it would be fine to actually call her or not? This would be my only chance to meet her - after this I can meet her only after a month (around 22 December) - I am so confused - I am not able to resist the feeling - Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Harsh, I've been where you are to a degree. You're looking for someone to give you the advice you want to hear. Imagine the impact it would have if she finds out that while you were in town in a short window that you elected to not try anything. It will be better than submitting to this woman/girl who insulted your intelligence when she dumped you. Please, don't do it. You need to let go. I'm not simply preaching at you. I have been there. I could probably talk to my Ex right now in some fake way if I played to her really inane view of reality right now. But, I refuse. I've been ignoring her for just over two months now. The last time she broke NC was a little over a month ago. Leave it be. Perspective will come. This is all still so fresh for you. I PROMISE it will get easier. Link to comment
harsh284 Posted November 12, 2011 Author Share Posted November 12, 2011 I understand that because we broke earlier also and got back together after 2-3 months - but this time its difficult for me - I dont wanna lose her - I feel like I am losing her from my hands like sand - I really miss her Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 You already have lost her so throw the remaining sand to the wind. When you got her back the first time you slowly but steadily lost her respect and she lost attraction. Now, go out and have a blast tonight. Take a smiling picture and put it up on Facebook or something. Go and talk to random women. Make fun of them. You will not think about her for awhile. Link to comment
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