Dating, it's going 'well', but hope I didn't mess up..

[Cen]

OK, I met this girl on an online dating site (she initiated the contact). I'm at a point now where I'm worried about coming on too strong, or that I've 'exposed' my feelings a bit too much/too soon... All of this takes place over the course of about 2 weeks.

 

Date #1: went very well, I felt like we hit it off pretty quickly and I for one had no expectations so it was a pleasant surprise and ended with a bit of a makeout session. So we arranged for a 2nd date at the end of the 1st.

 

Date #2: also went well, pretty much same deal and I was already developing those feelings for her.

 

Date #3: I ended up meeting some of her friends who happened to be in town, wasn't the original plan but she checked with me beforehand if I would be alright with it - and I took it as a good sign she'd want me to meet friends that soon. At the end of this date I asked if she'd want to get together again, but I asked it in more of a "I really like you already, so do you actually really want to go out again, because if its just a maybe I don't want to get hurt" kind of way... sorry that's the best I can describe it. She said yes, but I could tell she was picking up on some of my anxiety. We addressed that a little later, and I told her that I'm really enjoying this/her and that basically she is a pretty special and unique girl that has been a rarity for me to come accross. Again this date ended in a lot of making out and a little more, but nothing too heavy. I suggested meeting up the following week, she was busy the day I suggested but countered with a sooner date - to help her cook something at her place for a party...

 

Date #4. By this date I'm half ripping myself apart in my head, worried and surprised about how interested I am becoming in this girl, nervous about messing it up or that I came on too strong with these feelings I'm having for her etc... So, She's had a headcold for a few days, as well as being busy with work and grad school, I check in earlier in the day to see how she's feeling and if we're still on. Initially she said she'd like to, but is feeling tired and overwhelmed with schoolwork so not sure - then 15 minutes later changes her mind and says lets do it. I go to her place, we have a great time talking/joking/flirting/drinking and I end up spending the night, and we slept together. She had to get up early the next morning for work, during the day we exchanged some texts but it was definitely more sparse than usual.

 

We haven't yet addressed getting together again, most of the signs are pointing to good, but I'm not feeling an incredible sense of desire for me on her part ever since the end of the 3rd date? Do I pull back a bit and let her bring up meeting up again? Are these behaviors indicative of anything I'm missing?

 

am I just being completely paranoid..

[Daligal83]

I think you just need to take a deep breath and go with the flow. I know you really like her, but remember that are you still just getting to know her. That's what dating is, getting to know someone. Make sure that whatever you had going on in your life before her you still have going on. It's possible that she likes you but not to the high level that you like her and that's OK. Not everyone moves that quickly. Remember, it's only been four dates and two weeks...that's not much time at all.

[catfeeder]

You're throwing yourself into a panic, and that's the only thing that's not good about this.

 

You need to wind down.

 

Pull back a bit and let her set next date. This will give you more confidence that she's interested enough to do that, and it will give you some room to get your breath if she needs to invest in her health, job and studies for a while before doing that.

[Cen]

You're throwing yourself into a panic, and that's the only thing that's not good about this.

 

You need to wind down.

 

Pull back a bit and let her set next date. This will give you more confidence that she's interested enough to do that, and it will give you some room to get your breath if she needs to invest in her health, job and studies for a while before doing that.

 

Thanks, I know I do at least need to relax and try to enjoy it while I can. I'm finding myself scrutinizing any little nuance so that I don't allow myself to get hurt, while at the same time trying to coax it along. My last relationship ended in a very difficult breakup, I have dated quite a bit since then (2 years ago) but I'm usually more in control and calm about it, she is the first person I've begun to feel that type of real connection with again so it's making me a bit gun shy. I will back off just a bit and hopefully she won't pick up on my anxiety, that's the last thing I want.