incaangelique Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Time to press reset. The best thing I can do for myself is to break old habits. To finally break free in my head from a person who just doesn't care, no matter how much I love him. When he gets sad or overwhelmed I'm the person he calls, and he begs for me to be back in his life and he swears he will never hurt me again. When he feels better he drops me. This has been going on for years. I have so many other things I have to do deal with. I am finally feeling anger toward this person, which is good. Day 1 NC September 28 Link to comment
Liraele Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Good step in the right direction. Hang in there! Link to comment
corgidude Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Good for you! It takes a lot of strength to take that first step, and even more to make those conclusions. You're making the right call, and even though there are times it won't be easy, it will be so worth it in the end. Congratulations on that first step, and best of luck to you! Link to comment
Mesemene Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Good for you - taking that first step can be tough. You deserve someone who will share the good times with you and be there for you, not just someone who wants you to prop them up when they're feeling down. Keep reminding yourself of it whenever you're tempted to give in! Link to comment
incaangelique Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 I took a phone call from him the day before yesterday. September 30 no contact day 2. This makes me feel physically ill. He's been kind of cold to me lately. It's not that difficult not to contact him now. I feel so hurt by how he has treated me lately. Just makes me sad. It has made examine myself and my faults. It's probably a positive thing eventually. It can help me to fix my faults . . . Link to comment
symbiot Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Some good reading here : No matter how hard it gets no matter how much you want to no matter if he contacts you or not don't respond and don't reach out. Take time to heal yourself. When you get to the point where you are happy again without a man then you'll be happy with one. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 I may have to delete my twitter account. So many mutual friends and so many mentions of him by others. I don't know. maybe I should just not use it for a few months. I don't really want to delete it. What are the chances I'm not going to to check it for months? Slim. I have so much that I need to work on in my life . . .My career, my health, my anxiety issues. This feeling of rejection can kill my motivation on some days if I'm not careful. Day 2 is going to be a long one. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Great. Friday night and I've got no firends that can hang out. I had an offer to go on a date with a guy. That is the last thing I need or want right now. Just want to spend time around my friends. Maybe I will get some extra work done tonight or cleaning . . . Day 2 . . . Link to comment
symbiot Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Been there many times. Whatever you do don't deny you feelings. If you get sad don't suppress it. If you get mad don't suppress it. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions. Take them for everything they have to offer. This is how you will grow as a person. If you deny your feelings you will have to deal with them at a later time and it will be more difficult. They could resurface again in another relationship and ruin it. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Thank you symbiot! Great advice. I took a long nap tonight. I woke up a few hours ago and got some work done early for next week. It's after midnight so I've made it into Day 3. As miserable as I am, this rejection was needed to get me motivated at work. At first it was not a help. I had no motivation, slept way too much, cried constantly. Now I really really want to change my life. Im still sad, but it's not completelt debilitating.Changing old patterns and ways of thinking is causing me to reevaluate every aspect of my life. That is a good thing. Difficult though. Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 You will come to a point where you are great full for your experience. It will take a long while. You need to try to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Then and only then can truly give all that you can to a relationship. However relationships are two sided, but you will be able to identify things that you otherwise would have missed. Pm me if you need. I'll alway give a male pov. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Ick. Today was long! I got a lot done today though. Since it's almost time for me to go to sleep I can say I made it through day 3. Link to comment
forlackof Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 You can do it.. I've been doing it for almost a month now. Granted I was working crazy hours at work and had great support from friends (that all live outside of my city). It does get easier! I'm slowly coming to terms that after a relationship, you will always feel alone and vulnerable for a while. In my past relationship, I depended emotionally on my ex. So I was a wreck after the breakup. It was swift and very painful. However, I realized that I grew so much in the last month. I can say, that I feel like I emotionally grew 2+ years. If you keep a journal, you'll be amazed at how far you made it, and how much you learned that you can apply to the next and better relationship.. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Thank you forlackof! I think I will start keeping a journal. I haven't done that since I was a kid. It would probably help me figure out ome things about myself. Day 4. I have no work on Sundays. No orders ever come in on Sundays. I guess that is ok. I can't use work as a way of avoiding things. I have boxes to unpack from moving out of the house with my ex. I should get that done! It's got to be done at some point. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Oh for **** sake. He just texted me. Every time I start to accept my situation this happens. I need to remember what ALWAYS happens. We get back together, he's really amazing and great, then he starts to treat me really badly, lies to me, calls me names. He dumps me and dates women that use him. He comes back all apologies. Repeat. This is as bad as giving up cigarettes. Honestly, I miss him. He just can't treat me well though. I've given second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth chances. I do love him very much. I don't even know why. I've made it 4 days and the world didn't end . . . So tempted to ruin my life further for those short bursts of happiness. Like a drug addict . . . Link to comment
Melting Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 I know it is very hard, but you need to stop being his band aid and look after yourself. I am going through the same thing. Mine throws me a breadcrumb now and then, but as I am slowly becoming less emotionally attached. It is becoming easier to not contact him, even though my heart wants him back. Be strong it is all you can do and let time deal with the rest. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Thanks Melting I can say I completed day 4 of no contact. Getting sleepy and didn't text back. You all help me more than you know. Link to comment
symbiot Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Hey you, NO NO NO! This isn't the man for you and you know this. You can do two things. You can give in and you will be back here singing the blues again or you can say to yourself F that dbag and heal yourself and find someone that will give you the life you so badly long for. Either way you will not be with him at the end of the road and you know that. Link to comment
incaangelique Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Thank you all so much! Day 5 and I won't give in. Happy to have lots of work to do today. Every time I finish another day of No Contact I get a feeling of accomplishment. It's the same feeling I get after i exercise or finish a day a productive day at work. I'm not saying I don't have some really dark moments. It means the world to me that you all are here to talk some sense into me. I tend to make the same mistakes over and over. Link to comment
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