2.5 years 5 months since breakup & NC- next step?

[trinitystorm]

Hi... I have been getting a lot of great advice from everyone- I only wish I had discovered this before! I seemed to have made some of the classic mistakes when breaking up. I don't know if my situation is that unique, but would like any input...

 

To break things down:

- went out for 2.5 years

- breakup in april- but it dragged on for a couple of months- he dumped me saying that he was "tired of our relationship"- tired of the complaining, that he deserved better etc. (He previously wanted a commitment but I couldn't give it to him) After a month, I asked for a second chance, he initially said "yes", but then he said he had to think about it..... in june, he announced that "there is nothing to salvage". So I wrote THE letter - 8 written pages pouring out my heart. Got no response.

- I recently broke NC and sent him an e-card just saying "hi"- he wrote back the next day.... we exchanged short emails twice...

so what is the next step?

A friend suggested that guys are simple creatures (sorry if i offended anyone), and that I should just come out and say that I want to get back together with him. BUT, reading the posts here, it doesn't seem like a good idea. But, I feel so impatient. I want to know what he is thinking. This friend also said that once a guy changes his mind, he doesn't turn back unless he is lonely....

I don't know if I should continue sending emails or call him to ask him out for coffee- act casual, or just spill the beans and confess that i want him back.

 

Any insight would be appreciated.

thanks!

[goodquestion]

Don't pursue him ... yeah, guys may be "simple" when it comes to needs, but that was an over SIMPLIFICATION of the facts, lol. See, you obviously know you're in a break-up situation ... he knows you are still interested, because you sent that email ... so I would suggest you continue with no contact, and wait until HE makes contact with you. If you pursue him, he'll think you are smothering him.

 

take care

[trinitystorm]

so that's it? is that the magic formula? Sit still and wait for him to contact me? ooooooooooooooooh.... I don't if i can do that... isn't it better to take fate in your own hands and make the contact? ask him if there is a chance?

[chai714]

is that the magic formula? Sit still and wait for him to contact me?

 

There is no magic formula. I can tell you that hoping that he will call is not the answer, for sure. Realize that you can't have it all immediately. Take baby steps - if you choose to initiate contact, don't tell him how you feel as this could put pressure on him. Become his friend again, start out slow.

[trinitystorm]

thanks chai714

 

baby steps....so email first... then call, then go out, then who knows? The last email from him didn't say anything that would warrant a reply.... so should i just continue to email him hoping to start a conversation or just don't write. Wait to write him later. Or perhaps I should unblock him from msn... not sure what to do. I thought that since it has been over 5 months, things would get easier, but it is not. One of my best friends left to move to the states, and I guess since my primary source of support is gone, it is that much harder coping alone.... thank goodness for this forum!

[goodquestion]

wait a bit b4 contacting, always baby step everything. remember, no contact is used for you to heal as well ...

[trinitystorm]

thanks goodquestion....

 

gotta wait a bit.... since there is nothing I can do but wait, and hopefully he has not found someone else already. Yesterday I met this girl who is the ex's friend's roommate. I had never met her before, but she already seemed to know about me. She commented that I had lost alot of weight.... and I had this strangest feeling that she could be the girl that my friend saw the ex with walking down the street last saturday...... perhaps I am jumping to conclusions, but I can't seem to shake off the feeling that they could be going out. I hope it is not true, but still.... there must be something said for a woman's intuition?

[goodquestion]

yep, the famous woman's intuition ... always trust it, but in turn, don't jump the gun either, use it as a red flag. In this time away, you can use it to improve yourself, and he may notice it! If he doesn't, maybe some other guy will! Keep your chin up, work on yourself, and you'll be alright!

[trinitystorm]

Ok, I did this I-ching cast regarding whether there is a second chance...and the answer was :

 

Your heart feels as if it has been broken. Grief surrounds you. Your lover has left you and gone on ahead. This is a painful situation for anyone, and it happens often. You are not alone.

 

But the die has been cast. This relationship is irretrievable. Do not grieve too much over what you cannot change. It is wasted energy.

 

! I am soooo SHOCKED!!!!!!!!!!! The tarot card also said that too.... so I guess there is no hope.

 

[trinitystorm]

a friend wrote this poem recently and this is exactly how i feel.... thought i would share it with you...

 

Like eyes welling up in tears

The clouds, they build up a great cry

And with one heaving it is wet with a great sigh

Drowning the world's sorrows in the rain

Dousing all those who are in pain

 

Why fight the rain when it is pouring inside

With a sadness and sinking feeling beside

One's weak whimpering heart that cannot take

Yet another trauma of a heartbreak