6 year friendship/relationship in trouble

[Jojo25]

Ok a little back story on my situation. I've known this guy I'm dating for 6&1/2 yrs. We were and still are(I hope) really good friends. Our relationship/friendship has always been up and down. Like when we were younger we would date for a couple months then break it off. Ya know the on and off thing ya kind of do when you're younger. Well then we kind of lost touch for a while then I sent him an email to see how he was doin and he wrote back telling me he was getting married. I was honestly heartbroken but we still kept in contact by email after that. Then again lost touch.

 

Anyhow 2yrs later long story short his marriage didnt work out and got a divorce cause his wife cheated on him and what sucks is that they work together in the same building but different departments. So he sees her occasionally with the guy she left him for cause he also works there. So he's always coming home stressed. Anyway out of the blue one day last september he calls me and tells me all of this. So we started to hang out again as friends called each other all the time talked about everything for months. Then this past May we just clicked one night while we were out and decided to date again. Before this happened he swore to me up and down that he got this rebound thing out of his system and I wasn't a rebound and that he wanted to be with me but take things slow. And I believed him cause of our history together and plus we're adults now I'm 25 and he just turned 26 this past july. I've known him since i was 19 yrs old.

 

Anyway things between us these past weeks are shaky. I havent seen him in about 2weeks and talked to him once last thursday. And then on Saturday afternoon I saw him on AIM and just asked how he was doin cause i havent talked to him and here it is tuesday morning practically and i still havent heard from him. Except for Saturday night when i sent him a txt mess askin him whats goin on? he wrote back that he would call me on Sunday but never did. I copy and pasted the IM in my post but took away the screennames. I just the left the first letters of our SN I'm Q and he's C. So u guys know who's who. Let me know what ya guys think. Yes, when u read the IM I initiated the "space" comment only cause it seemed thats where the convo was goin. Did i make a mistake by saying that? Any advice would be helpful, should I wait for him to call me or should I call him? It's killing me that he's not calling to let me know anything

 

Q: so how u doin havent talked in a couple days

C: been really busy running around alot and stuff

Q: oh ok

C: yeah been busy alot on my mind and stuff so but im working it out ya know

Q: is everything ok?

C: somtimes and then other times no

Q: what does that mean? talk to me

C: just alot of stuff on my mind

Q: and u dont wanna talk about it? is it about me or something?

C: its not about you its just me and my issues

C: lately i dont feel right and just been alot or chilli with my friends tryin to cope

Q: ok i understand just dont shut me out if u know what i mean

C: yeah i know

C: i really have to deal with some of this by myself so there is not much i can tell you

Q: i really dont know how to take that comment...deal with it by myself part of it

C: like its on me and its stuff i have to work out on my own thats what i mean

Q: alright

Q: ill give u ur space if thats what u want

C: that is a tough coment

C: not in a nasty way

C: so dont take it taht way

C: its just i have alot of problems upstairs in my head that i really think no one can help me with except maybe a doctor or somthing like that....you dont understand our day to day life it that much tougher for me and it doesnt seem to get any better somtimes i dont think it ever will. but i still try to fight it i think im just really srewed up in the head

C: that is the reason im always with my friends but they cant always help i dont think anyone can i just think its on me and if i go to talk to someone or some stuff like that. but i do know this more and more everyday i feel like a complete looser and taht is one feeling that wont go away

Q: maybe i dont understand whats goin on but that doesnt mean im not here for ya to listen I care about u and I dont wanna see u hurting so much and it doesnt bother me that u are wit ur friends all the time if thats what u want to do and it helps u then im ok wit that

C: i know that your are hear to listen and to help and to try make me feel better. and i know it dont bother you whet im with my friends.and you have been great with everything i feel so bad that this goes up and down like a roller coaster and its ruinin me as a person and everyone i talk to or try to be with(meaning you) and its not fair. which is the part that makes me feel like a looser or a failure

C: it like im one big tornado of mess that just sweeps though the area

C: goin nowhere and gaining nothing

Q: i wish i could help u thru this and make u feel better...i didnt mean that space comment in a mean or harsh way its just that it seems thats what u want by the way ur talkin

C: part of me wants space cause i feel bad and the the half doesnt cause im selfish

Q: where does that leave me?

C: i know what you mean where does that leave me too

Q: im very confused right now...this is not something i wanna be discussing over the computer its not right

C: me either

C: brb

[goddess23]

wow. im sorry its a really tough situation. i know how much torture it is being in the dark. you could call him, but it is best to try and hold out. he seems to want space and is trying to make it sound as if you want space. if he doesnt call soon, you have all the right to contact him and get some clarity and possibly some closure on the whole situation. not knowing where you stand is hard, and theres nothing wrong with you trying to find out exactly whats happening. call him and say you need to talk to him, and that you understand if hes having a tough time right now and that you're totally okay with time (even if you're not lol). see what he has to say, leave this decision up to him. best of luck hunn!!

[kauaiangirl83]

i'm reading Men are from mars, women are from venus and it's been totally helping me. It seems like he just needs his space (i don't think you were harsh in saying that at all). Men like to solve their problems on their own because that's how they think. If they can't solve a problem then they feel inadequate or whatever. I have learned this from experience with my bf. The best thing to do is leave them alone. Stay busy. When he's ready to talk to you, he will, just give him time and try not to worry about him.

[Jojo25]

Thanks guys. Its just so hard not knowing whats goin on. Its affecting me and everything I do. I know I should keep myself busy but its hard. My mind is consumed with thoughts of him and I keep questioning myself. Was it something I did or said? And sometimes his way of dealing with issues is to avoid them completely. I'm afraid he might do this to me cause he doesnt wanna hurt me. I don't wanna lose touch with him again cause of this. So I think the NC thing would be best only for a while even though my fingers are itching to dial his number. I guess we'll see what happens this week.

 

BTW, I've reading these boards and alot of people seem to be reading this book Men are from mars, Women are from venus. I think I need to pick myself up a copy and see what its about.