Need help moving on

[Sanative]

I wasn't really sure what forum this belonged in so eh feel free to move it.

I've been having problems getting over a girl. A little about me, I'm 21\male and I consider myself moderately attractive. But, the background story is that I went to ( and met her in ) college. We had all of our classes with each other and generally sat/talked with each other everyday. At first I wasn't attracted to her at all really, but she had a lot of sleazebags hitting on her at the time and I could see it was bothering her so I decided to "make friends" with her in order to deter them- which worked rather effectively. Anyway, over the course of a few months we went out to lunch, talked often, and she offered me rides and such when I needed them. Somewhere a long the line I started to develop "feelings" for her. I often thought about ways I could make her happy or make her smile through the day. It's really hard to explain why I developed such strong feelings over a short period of time (months really) but I guess if I had to put it in words, she was just really easy to talk to and I felt like I could trust her with anything + we shared a lot of details about our lives. I've had my share of dates throughout highschool - longest I've ever dated someone was 2 years; but, I can honestly say I've never felt so strongly for anyone. Anyway, on my 21st birthday, some of my friends invited me to a bar and I ended up drinking too much. I texted her, via cellphone, how I felt about her. To make matters worse I used some really sappy line to start the conversation - something along the lines of "you're a diamond in a world filled with rocks". Anyway, she let me down easy by telling me she didn't date (she got a boyfriend probably a month after this). Although, She slowly started to distance herself from me and eventually, I dropped out because I couldn't handle the depression and we lost all contact- It's been about a year now since I've had any contact with her. I created a new facebook, got a new phone with a new # and etc. But every time I hear a sappy love song or I see someone on a magazine cover that looks anything like her, I get depressed. Sometimes I don't even need any outside source; I just think about her. I would say I get depressed about this maybe 4-5-6 times a week. I just want to move on. I've tried dating other people but ended up breaking up with them because I didn't feel as strong for them as I did her. I also have a busy schedule, I have a full time job/ I go to a different college now part time - I go out with friends when I have free time + have a rigorous exercise regimen that I follow religiously.I also have hobbies/vents, IE playing guitar/gaming/reading etc. But it doesn't seem to matter what I do, I just can't get past her. anybody out there that can offer me advice? P.S. I'm sorry this turned out so long, I just didn't feel anybody could give me proper advice without in depth information; Also feel free to ask me questions in order to obtain a better perspective, I'll answer them best I can.

[staycaptive]

Wow. Erm, this is tricky as everything I would have suggested to help move on, you have tried.

I mean, filling your time and keeping yourself busy is most deffinately important. Another aspect is the possibility of dating.

Instead of going out on dates, stop it, don't actively look for someone, just try to enjoy life and you're more likely to find someone you connect better with. I also would have suggested just giving it time as time heals all wounds but it's been roughly a year and you're still struggling with it. If it's any consolation you're not alone, there are other people in your situation, who struggle to move on after sometime.

 

I'd say go out and make NEW friends, give yourself something to occupy your social needs by getting to know new people and try to make yourself as busy as possible, the busier you are, the less time you've got to sit and think about her. Another [unadvisable] option is to take the bitter route and think to yourself, when you hear these soppy love songs etc that she isn't feeling this way, she isn't missing you or she isn't holding feelings for you.

 

As for the depression I'd suggest you go to see your GP to be referred to a counsellor and speak to someone about your options in regards to that.

[Sanative]

Definitely appreciate the reply and your time; so thank you. As far as dating, I don't necessarily look for someone, a lot of the time it just happens. I meet someone I like talking to, we go to the movies or whatever and next thing I know we're going on dates etc. Although since her- I've been stopping that step before it gets too far. I guess the reason I posted is because it's frustrating that after all this time has passed, I'm still getting down about it. Maybe I'm just being impatient and I need to give it more time. It's just weird, in the past - if I had a crush, it took a few weeks to a month to get over it. Maybe this is just a part of growing up? I don't think being more busy is a realistic option I do need time to re-cooperate and rest. Admittedly on these days it is worse but it can be just as bad on my busier days."Another [unadvisable] option is to take the bitter route and think to yourself, when you hear these soppy love songs etc that she isn't feeling this way, she isn't missing you or she isn't holding feelings for you." To be honest, I've thought about this but when it boils down, it usually makes me feel worse so I avoid that train of thought. My social needs are pretty solidly met at the moment, I don't really feel lonely in a "I have no friends" aspect. Also the depression has a cause so I'm determined not to see a counselor not to mention I couldn't afford it at the moment haha.

 

Your ideas were really well thought out though and I don't mean to shoot them down. I guess after a year, I've had the time to try many different angles and the only thing I can do at this point is like you said, see a counselor or give it more time. But again, thank you.