dating without sex

[cranberry]

I wasn't really sure where to put this topic but I guess the subject title speaks for itself.

This is mainly a question for the guys but I guess girls can answer too...I was wanderiing how many guys out there would continue dating a girl even if she didn't put out? Ex: she was set on waiting for marriage and that means she won't go past second base.

 

I think that if a guy likes the girl enough, then he would stick around...is that true?

I know for some guys that isn't true...

But if I think a guy is a nice guy (meaning he was nice enough to respect that), should I trust my gut feeling?

 

And guys, when you like a girl/have a crush on her...what are your intentions? Are you just thinking I want to get to know her more, ask her out...or are you thinking about getting physical with her...

 

Thanks for reading

[aireyc]

Uh well I'm Catholic and believe in the whole waiting thing, so for dating I would just expect a friendship and doing stuff like going to the movies. Saying that, I generally only want to date girls who do want to wait, mainly because it makes things a whole lot easier. There are tons of issues with that that I don't want to go into now.

 

If you date a guy who wants to go all the way despite what you want, he isn't worth your time. Any partner should respect your wishes, and even if he wants to, he needs to comply with how you feel.

 

Chris

[marinelife]

Well, for me physical is not worthwhile until there is an emotional bond, love. I could, easily wait until after marriage. I could and have continued dating without having a sexual component to the relationship. I'm not sure if I could continue within the marriage like this though.

[Ravens_eternity]

ya i think if a guy really care for a girl that much then, hell ya he'll do it. if my ex stayed with me and did not give me sex i still love her the some

[ComputerGuy]

Well I don't believe you have to wait until you're married to have sex, but that said, If I loved the girl, I would wait as long as was necessary.

[gogol]

First of all, I just would like to say that I am happy to see that you are waiting for marriage until you commit yourself to sex.

 

I feel the same way about sex as you do. To answer your question, yes, there are guys who will wait for marriage (if it comes) for sex. However, most of these guys will be the ones who are intending to wait themselves in the first place.

 

Willingness to keep one's verginity (until marriage) is one of the most important qualities that I look for in a person. I have only dated girls who share the same opinion and believe that this will be true for the rest of my dating expirences.

 

Hope this helps...

Good luck cranberry.

[lunatic]

Personally,

 

When I was younger all I wanted was to get my thing wet... (if you get my drift)

 

If I were that age again and I was told that you wanted to wait till marriage to have sex I would totally respect that but, I would look else where to get what I need. Back then I would play the game and try to keep her around because she is respectable. I don't think waiting till marriage is the way to go now a days because it is so easy to get. Compaired to twenty years ago.

 

I applaude you on your decision to wait but, be very weary about men when they stick around because if they are like I was then they will look somewhere else in the mean time.

 

Hope this helps you.

 

Hubman01 8)

[nomore]

Couple of notes:

 

To me if two people wants to wait until marriage to have sex, you may as well stay friends. Beside, what if it turned out that either of you is not sexually compatible with another. Then the whole deal WILL go down the drain, trust me.

 

There are people who give execuses like this because of fear of having sex. Making love can be a great and there is no reason to be affraid of it.

 

I had a g/f who said wants to wait until marriage, great I said. Then she cheated on me despite the fact she had vowed she wanted to wait. So watch out, people would break promises that easily.

 

Most people who say they want to wait until marriage, they usually end up getting married in a very early age. And eventually they get burnt since they don't have much experience to how to keep the relationship alive.

[Bjourne]

Imho, it is something very frightening and depressing with boys and girls that tries to stay virgin til they get married. Because why do they wait? Because then their sex will be so much better? Nope, it wont. It will be awful cause none of them has any experience. Because pre-martial sex is shameful? Get real... Because they want to feel very horny for a very long time without getting satisfied? Sounds like torture..

 

Or is it because some girls still think, in this enlightened age, that loosing their virginity means they are loosing some of their "sexaul value"? Becoming more likes prostitutes by proving that, they like everyone else, gets horny?

 

I don't get it just like I don't get the idea some has that masturbation is sinful. These ideas aren't compatible with a modern society. I do believe that many boys would not stay with such a girl because they wouldn't get any. But many more would leave because they wouldn't want to spend the rest of their life with a girl that thinks sex is shameful. Sex should be mutual thing, not like "the woman lays down when she has to because the man got horny again"

 

But if you want to live that life. *shrug* good luck it's yer choice.

[Ceema-k]

Well first my personal bias... I do believe in sex before marriage, however I am quite disgusted with the polar extreme of abstinence, which I like to call 'sport dating' or (PROFANITY DELETED BY MODERATOR) everything that moves.

 

To me, sex is just one component of the dating game. I do admit that if started dating a girl who was against pre-marital sex, that would definitely be a dealbreaker. The notion of becoming impure after losing one's virginity is quite antiquated now, although I do respect people who can adhere to that principle 100%. My hat is off to you.

 

Cranberry... when you talk about sex only after marriage, what about sex-related activities, like kissing, touching and oral sex? Do these things "count"?

[cranberry]

I do not think that sex is a shameful thing. I just think it should have value and be treasured for a married couple. I've learned that God designed sex for within the commitment of a lifelong relationship. And that it bonds two people physically, emotionally, and mentally closer than they ever should be (unless they're married).

I understand that I am a sexually wired being (as is any other human being) and that I have emotions, hormones, and my heart sometimes telling me otherwise. Telling me that it is ok to express my love to someone I care about by having sex yet not getting married. Seriously, that lifestyle does sound appealing. But what's set in my mind--the Holy word, so to speak--is what I choose to follow. If I did have premarital sex I think the guilt would devestate me.

 

I know waiting isn't practical in today's society and thus choosing this route is going to be torturous (but only if I let it be so). But I think it is worth it. If my future husband respects my decision then to me that proves just how strong his love for me is.

(If he--a boyfriend--got it from someone else while he was seeing me then I guess he didn't really care for me. How could a guy say that he cares enough for a girl to respect her decision and then cheat on her? If he cheats on her then how is that showing he cares for her? This is a risk I will just have to take.)

 

Worrying about being sexually incompatible with my spouse after we get married never really occurred to me. Don't we then have our whole lives to improve our sex life and practise? And wouldn't our marriage be stronger than that since a majority of it is built on a non-sex relationship?

 

And about marrying young and being unexperienced. There is a difference between marrying for true love or marrying for lust. I think when I choose to make a lifelong commitment to my spouse--get married--I will hopefully know the difference.

 

One more thing, I am not trying to preach here. I am just telling you my personal belief about why I am choosing to wait. I definitely do not frown upon others who disagree with me--that is their choice, it's their lives, etc.

 

Sexual purity (to me)--not going past 2nd base or putting myself in a situation where I may be tempted to go further than that.

 

We all value something in our lives. I value my sexual purity.

[Massari]

I think I would defibately date her.. I mean sex is important in a relatioship but I think sometimes the power of love can overcome the power of lust,

[Day_Walker]

I applaud virgins for their commitment to their goal however I will not date them. If they want to wait till marriage more power to them, i think its a foolish decision because there are so many different demensions of a relationship that sex is apart of. Also it seems that the virgins to rush to get married which I am also against. Within the context of religion there is a enforcement mechanism to keep the couple together but not outside of the religion.

[gogol]

cranberry,

 

I couldn't have put it better myself.

 

Thankyou for your much needed commet.

 

I totally agree with you.

[ShySoul]

If two people really love each other than they should be willing to wait until both are ready for sex, rather it be before marriage or after. Anyone who wouldn't date someone just because they won't have sex is being very superficial and judgemental. The person waiting is better off without the other and should look for someone willing to respect their beliefs.

 

Personally, I will want until marriage and I'm in no hurry to get married. This belief has nothing to do with God or religion. Sex is suppose to be the most intimate act you can share with someone. Something more that physical, it should be an emotional and spiritual act, a declaration of love and devotion. I guess I'm old fashioned, but I'm not going to share this until I'm with someone I feel I will spend the rest of my life with. And waiting can improve the experience. What could be more romantic tha two people saving themselves for each other and then pledging themselves to each in heart, body and soul? The physical pleasure is just one part of sex, the emotional aspect is what makes it truly special.

[Noggy27]

I am sorry but I dont agree with any of you.

 

I respect someone for waiting until they are married but to me I wouldnt wait longer than a couple of months max even if I was crazy about the girl. Personally sex is part of love to me and I want to be intimate with the woman I date. I also want to make sure we are compatible before commiting further as I have been dating some stunningly good looking and nice personality women out there who really are lousy in bed. I even spent 3 years of my life trying to improve her and motivate her into being better in bed but it wasnt really her thing or important to her. She only tried because she liked me so much. I wouldnt want to wait and get married to her only to find that out as personally my divorce rate would shoot through the roof. I personally think that to marry a woman we have to be perfect for eachother. That means in bed too. I dont want to marry a dud and have to spend the rest of my life training her.

 

I know it sounds harsh and I am sorry. I really do respect Virgins and would feel honoured to date a virgin but I wouldnt be able to commit to someone who forced me to marry her to sleep with her.

[cranberry]

I just wanted to thank you guys for all your honest replies.

Because that is what I wanted to read--honest replies.

 

Thanks again,

cranberry

[Superfly81]

I agree with Noggy.

 

I've had some girls that were not really interested in sex. They did not say they wanted to wait until after marriage, they were having a headache a lot ;-) My experience with the other girls I've been with shows that it wasn't caused by my looks or skills for instance.

 

It turned out that some girls just didn't like sex, one turned out to be a lesbian (again, not my fault 8) ).

 

Do you know the Newlyweds? Jessica Simpson wanted to wait until after marriage, now her husband nick is complaining about not getting enough sex. So she too doesn't really like sex.

 

To be honest, when a girl tells me she wants to wait, I would think she's the kind that doesn't like sex.

 

I've been with very catholic girls, who lived by the book, but when it came to the attraction they felt towards me, we had sex.

 

PS. I believe you will live a happier life if you had sex with more men BEFORE you marry someone, so the questions 'what if' and 'should'a would'a could'a' can't enter your mindset.

[CityHunter]

I met my GF at work, she always acts properly like a traditional Chinese girl (I'm Chinese too), I didn't figure she would be wild or anything, and I gave off a serious, stiff and proper image at work too.

She told me about herself when she was younger, I even had the delusion of the possibility that she is still a virgin.

 

After we start seeing each other, I was somewhat shocked when she told me about her past sexual experience (which out number me quite a bit) and the number of relationships she had (out number me as well).

 

Then my proper GF turns out to be so horny (a big bonus for me now), I just never figured she would be like this! We enjoyed it whenever we get a chance. There's nothing shameful about it. (I doubt our parents and elders would agree with us)

[tobereleased]

hmm... there seems to be many different opinions going on here.

 

 

I myself think that sex is an important part of an adult relationship. Its not necessary. But it can help deepen the relationship...

 

 

But i just wanted to ask the question:

 

How many of you think that love is sex?

 

. My opinion is that love is not sex. Sex can be better with love. But love doesn't need sex, and sex doesn't need love. A healthy adult relationship needs a healthy sexual life.

 

If your holding out till your married, and your in a relationship. Would you mind if the other person had sex with someone else? It doesn't disturb your abstinance. But does it affect you because you think sex has to do something with love?

 

Does that mean that you have to be with someone who agrees with you on your definition of sex??

 

So a question to the people who are waiting till marriage. Would you be in a relationship where the other person is not a virgin? The other person not being a virgin means they don't necessairly agree with your idea of what sex is.

 

 

 

Why do you need a label in order to do what your bodies are naturally inclined to do?

 

those are my 2 cents.

[red12]

Yes I would wait around I rather have sex and it mean something.

[ShySoul]

tobereleased,

 

I agree, love is not sex. Plenty of people have sex without love and plenty of people love without having sex. Its when the two are combined that makes things truly special and memorable. But I don't think that should happen until yor married. Sex should be the ultimate expression of your love... two people sharing their souls and all they are. That's not something that should be given to just anybody.

 

I would prefer if the person I'm with feels the same way when it comes to sex. But if she's not a virgin, it's okay with me. As long as she is willling to wait until I'm ready then whatever happened in the past is in the past.