We both tried but i know it wouldn't work so i ended it :(

[Massari]

Here I am

 

we went out for almost 3 months now, everything was ok for the first month, until one night at my cousin's engagement party she started to drink a lot and I asked her why are you drinking so much? , she said sometimes i just want to drink until i feel numb and won't feel anything, I was the DJ, she didn't really want to be with me the whole night, (she wanted her space) , obviously i wasn't happy with that , when i am somewhere with my gf i want her to be beside me. This whole situation got worst as the night progressed. to the point where she pushed me when i wanted to kiss her (it wasn't in public). in the car she said take me home i am finished with you , you got upset and made me look bad in front of your parents which wasn't the case at all. The whole night i was upset at myself that maybe i did over react and all.

The next morning things got a little better and slowly we got better again in a a week.

 

She is not the phone type and I am , i like to call on my breaks or text just to see how she is , she doesn't see it necessary to do it. Mind you I am 27 and she is 21. later on we went on a romantic trip to Niagara falls and i did a lot for her after that to show that i really care about her and that one night wasn't any thing big especially cause my parents love this girl. I found out that her mom is abusive and occasionally hits her and kicks her out of the house (parents are divorced)

 

She called me one night told me that and i said to her i am picking you up now and your coming to my house. she came and we had an amazing time, i do tend to sometimes look into her eyes and not say anything and all i think that how much i love this girl. she turns back to me and say it i don't understand this much love , i have never experienced it from anymore . . . makes me upset everytime she says it the next night we had drinks at my house she stayed over also. At night she got drunk and started bushing me again and all (when i become close to her) this time my parents heard that and came downstairs and things got ugly. She just packed her stuff called me every name you could find in the book and then left. texted me you ruined us bla bla and don't ever call me again.

 

Next morning i woke up feeling like crap and she called to apologized and i gave here a chance. but that night i deleted her off facebook, I thought I lost her. My friends and my parents tell me you have to give your partner space as well. not to do everything together and all, now i know that's my issue that i have to work on, however i do believe if someone really loves you they would accept you for who you are rather then want to change you.

 

3 weeks passes by these events and we again got into the fight that i call her too much and she needs her space and that I am annoying. since that night my whole family hates her and she is not welcome at our house anymore cause she did disrespect them by leaving when i gave her a place to stay so she wouldn't go home. We got into another fight this time she says i need my space and i got upset and she turned her phone off. honestly that night i was ending it. Went on fb deleted everything. She didn't talk to me the whole day until i did that and at night she calls me panicking and next morning texting me i love yous and i miss you . So we talk and she is like you have to change and prove yourself to me that you can give me your space. I tried it for a couple days but it was taking a lot on me and she was just not herself anymore, she was cold to me to the point where the last time that i saw her she didn't even want to kiss me.

 

So Yesterday i just called her and said, you know i don't think this is working out at all , i am a point in my life that i want to share it and you want to have your own line ( she wants to go in to producing music and working with artists and all) i could be jealous sometimes and she saw that in a club ( but i told her clubs are different). I just don't see this working but at the same time i miss her terribly now second doubting if i did the right thing.

 

I recieved a text from her yesterday after the break up saying :

 

 

"I am sorry things had to end like this, i just want you to know that I do care about a lot and i did try to work this out, unless you didn't see it . . . "

 

i just replied

 

" I know i feel the same . . "

 

thats was the end of it, I cried last night missing her and remembering some of our good memories, but at the same time this girl is never welcome in ourhouse and how am i gonna marry her like this? i just hope i made the right decision and i can move on and not think about her this much.

 

any advise appreciated

[DN]

She was abusive and nasty and has a lot of problems. You did the right thing - now don't weaken and try to get her back or take her back if she asks.

[Stand Strong]

I empathize. Don't sweat it. She's young. They do this A LOT. She's just not used to that kind of love. She'll get older, date guys who don't appreciate her much, and then she's going to realize how well you treated her. If she's lucky, you won't be taken

[Massari]

Thank you DN. That's what i am hoping and i have to be very strong cause something tells me she will come back again and apologize. the night of my cousin's engaement when she was upset in the car she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship and all . maybe i should have ended it then, 3 days ago before our breakup she said that again and said but i gave you a chance but you're not respecting me wanting space and don't rush thing.! that kinda made me feel bad as well as if things are my problems

[22n32]

Wrong thread... Sorry. Delate if needed..

[oldenoughtoknow]

This clearly wasn't a match. You like a certain level of closeness and attachment and, given her past, she wasn't capable of it. Also, she had a drinking problem and was abusive. Lucky for you, you found out after only 3 months. Next!

[Massari]

oldenoughtoknow: that was a very good point..something i didn't think. she wasn't capable of that level of closeness. I keep blaming me for being too needy and clingy maybe but then again this shouldn't be something to make her that upset to call me annoying and all those names!

[Massari]

I just miss her alot . tempted to call and text, but knowing that this was my decision and she didn't really object to it when i called i am not. Maybe she'll call after a while who knows but i have to move on now, just wanna know how . . . . this is so hard, i love this girl so much

[oldenoughtoknow]

You see, you were the chaser. Every relationship has a "dance" going on. One person is always slightly more in love than the other. In the healthiest relationships, this attraction, need for attachment and pursuit is very balanced, and may actually trade back and forth on occasion. Unfortunately, you chose someone who wasn't capable of "needing" someone. Because of her past, I'm sure her walls were up 24/7. She was never going to work out for you - even if she admitted her issues and went to counseling, it would be a long shot. If you think you may be overly needy, I'd give that some thought and keep it in the back of your mind in your next relationship. Some people have walls, some are clingy. The healthy path is to push for balance - somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.

[Massari]

You see, you were the chaser. Every relationship has a "dance" going on. One person is always slightly more in love than the other. In the healthiest relationships, this attraction, need for attachment and pursuit is very balanced, and may actually trade back and forth on occasion. Unfortunately, you chose someone who wasn't capable of "needing" someone. Because of her past, I'm sure her walls were up 24/7. She was never going to work out for you - even if she admitted her issues and went to counseling, it would be a long shot. If you think you may be overly needy, I'd give that some thought and keep it in the back of your mind in your next relationship. Some people have walls, some are clingy. The healthy path is to push for balance - somewhere in the middle of the two extremes.

 

That is so true. she did have her walls up the whole time. rarely there were down i felt close to her she came close and book scared again and they were up again. She kept saying i know i can't fully give myself to you and you just need to be patient with me . . . .

[Massari]

I ended up calling her on Thursday , a very very dumb move. I said i just wanted to talk to you i missed you , asked her if she thought about us she said yeah and i have been very good , apparently she wrote down a list of the bads and the goods and the bads were more., she said she is not ready for a relationship and blamed it all on me.. i was insecure thats why i called her alot and all. I said just come over this weekend to spend some times so we can work things out. she said no I am not ready for a realationship and she wants to maybe just be friends or take things really slow. And thats something i can't do , I have more strong feelings towards her to do that. Then she said i have to tell you something, i might be pregnant and if i am and have to take care of it just want to tell you that I would be very heartbroken cause i told you to be carefull!!! as if it's all my fault (she started crying) I said again lets just meet up and come over so we can talk.

 

she just said she is tired now and has to go.. and all

 

im just moving on and not saying anything anymore., She can't be pregnant ,, she is on her period time,,. she said she has been bleeding for a week which seems normal to me cause it's about her period too.

[Massari]

so on sunday she messaged me something really normal as though nothing has happened! " Hey dear XXXX how are you? hope everything is well That just pissed me off , i mean last conversation i put so much emotions in trying to see if it will ever work she said she's not ready to be in a relationship bla bla and says she is pregnenat!! and now this text as we're just firends. I replied " Things are excellent never been better , take care" i went home pretty pissed off got into a fight with my family for no reason ( i was on the edge) and suddenly i just called her after with a semi angry voice "don't text me again ok?" she said ok heard her gigle like she doesn't even care or thinks im joking and hung up the phone. that was the last conversation. I wonder if I did the right thing and why am i still sad and missing her eventhough i know she was messing with me with everything including the pregnant stuff .

[DN]

I repeat what I said in post #2.

[Massari]

seems like I am addicted to her.. I got another stupid message a couple weeks ago.. told her to f off as i don't want to see or hear from you ever again. maybe a little over reacted.. but hey it worked. haven't heard from her since. I know in every possible way that this girl is no good for me. why do i still feel like crap.. still find myself missing her but i know if she calls back or contacts me i will be upset. The baby thing that she said was definitly BS as she never mentioned it again cause it failed and I never bought it.

 

I never did anything to hurt her except she got too upset and emotional about me calling her which i thought most girls would like if they bfs call them on their breaks . I really don't get this. I still keep blaming me for what happened. I am seeing a psychologist for 2 sessions so far to try to help me. but honestly what is it about her? To me seems like an addiction. I made a stupid move on friday calling her from my work . i knew she wouldn't pick up wanting to hear her voicemail .. before i called her i unblocker her on fb so i can see her picture on facebook search... When i was about to call her i was shaking.. feeling uneasy and after that i called it felt like i just had a smoke. relaxing again.. like i haven't had a smoke for a week and when you have one it feels good but after that you hate yourself for doing it since you broke it.

 

HELP