Im a little confused by what the first move is after LC?

[Tussin]

Hello,

 

In my situation with my breakup I have maintained very LC with my ex because we exchanged personal items and travel costs. It took about a month to complete this transaction, and the last time I contacted her was to let her know that her things would be arriving by mail shortly.

 

During that time, she let it be known that she wanted to talk to me to see "how I was doing" but I told her I was too busy to talk. My friends interpret her behavior as she wants to initiate a possible reconciliation (in her own quirky way), if she feels it is safe emotionally for her to come out of her shell. (She was the dumper)

 

Im a little confused by when I would break LC, if there was a hint that a reconciliation was possible and allow a conversation to develop. Would I ask her to clarify herself? And then at that point, Im not sure exactly where to go..

 

Anyhow, now that there are no loose ends between us, if she does contact me again, I definitely interpret that as some kind of interest. Am I supposed to just continue LC or go to NC now, or entertain the idea of a talk?

 

thanks

[Ms Darcy]

Is there a formula for her feelings? No. If she does contact you, she may or may not be interested in reconciling.

 

Why did she leave you?

[Tussin]

We dated for 3 months and fell in love. She was transferred at her work, and had to move suddenly to another state. Turns out that she happened to be not far from where her home town is. After five weeks away, and just two days before I was supposed to fly out there to see her, she broke up with me on the phone. Claimed that she got back in touch with her ex-boyfriend and they both had feelings for each other and so it was not fair to me for us to continue to be in a relationship together. She was completely balling when she told me this.

 

However after only one date with her ex, things ended badly, and ever since our breakup she has been periodically contacting me, wanting to talk. Using only LC I directed the conversations towards us just settling up with canceled plane fair, and the personal items shipped to her. Now that that is taken care of, either I go NC, stay LC, or if she does state that she wants to talk with me, do I take pause and ask her whats up?

 

PS: Also, I never told her that I was fine with the breakup, and I dont know if it is too late to say that now.

[RedDress]

However after only one date with her ex, things ended badly, and ever since our breakup she has been periodically contacting me, wanting to talk. Using only LC I directed the conversations towards us just settling up with canceled plane fair, and the personal items shipped to her. Now that that is taken care of, either I go NC, stay LC, or if she does state that she wants to talk with me, do I take pause and ask her whats up?

 

PS: Also, I never told her that I was fine with the breakup, and I dont know if it is too late to say that now.

 

I think you are trying too hard to follow a formula.

 

Clearly if you want to reconcile, you will need to have a chat at some point. It sounds like she's reached out for this chat more than once. If she wanted to talk - why did you escalate and try to settle things up/close things off?

 

I'm confused which means she's probably REALLY confused (or thinks she blew it completely, which means she'll start looking for someone else).

[Tussin]

Well Im confused too.

 

At first I was just trying to keep some distance from her while collecting my thoughts and trying to stop hurting. She would try to contact me, just kinda feeling me out with breadcrumb texts. But a few times she did say something to the effect that she wanted to talk with me. But I really wasnt ready to do that. Also I really interpreted it as she just wanted to get rid of the guilt she was carrying for dumping me. That could still be the case, but other friends interpret what she is doing to mean that she would like to open the door to a reconciliation. It is a very unclear situation to me right now.

 

I am curious to see what exactly she wants to talk about.

[RedDress]

If she is the one initiating the chats, I think you can talk to her... just ask her flat-out what her intentions are. Is she asking about your dog (for example) because she wants to be friends? Because she wants to reconcile?

 

For me this is pretty simple because I don't do the "friends" thing with exes. So... if she's asking about your dog, you can ask her intentions and follow that up with "Look... I don't really want to be friends - it's hurtful and confusing. If you want to talk about reconciling, we can talk... but if you're just trying to be friends, I'd rather not." Then go NC (if she says "friends" or something else wishy-washy)

[Tussin]

Update: well I texted her back. Basically asking for some clarity as to what her intentions were. Her reply was to say "I had my thoughts" and that was all she would say on the subject. I didnt press her on it as she moved on to asking me how things were, and what I was up to. We texted for a little while back and fourth and then she disappeared. Didnt even say goodbye. And then afterwards, I realized that I am still unclear of her intentions.

 

Either she still needs her space and more time, or she is just playing.

 

I do know one thing for sure. She trashed our relationship, and her plan to rekindle her relationship with her ex before me fell through too. Now she is totally single. It seems like a real train wreck.

 

well, what to do now?

[TomboyMS]

I think you need more time and she needs more space whether she wants it or not.

[happymeboy]

Here is what to do : humanize her, make sure u remember she is just a human being and enjoy her company. Show u value urself and let her know u respect urself above any other thing.She will feel attracted to that...and make sure she knows u were happy and got a life while u two were apart!!!