solong123 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 The last time we spoke, it ended bad, as usual. I probably shouldn't have even sent anything in the first place, but I don't regret it. I appreciate you being brutally honest. And even though some of the things you said were really uncalled for, it really helped me open my eyes and move on. I'm sending this only to explain my side of why everything went down the way it did. I am not trying to reopen old wounds, I just feel it's necessary to get it out, regardless of whether you read this or not. I had so much anger and resentment built up towards you. We were both talking about breaking up so frequently as if that's normal, and it's not. It is absolutely childish and pathetic the way we both used that against each other. Love is not a game, it is not hateful words and actions. I am embarrassed for the ways which I had acted towards you, because that is not and never was me at all. I let all of my anger and resentment build up until I exploded, and everything that came after was the result of that. Honestly what it came down to was that I could never forget the hurtful things said/done. My feelings were never considered first to you, and over time all of the hurt really built up for me. Calling me names almost every other day really got old, because you don't talk to someone you loved like that. Your friends also influenced you tremendously and it's a shame really, because I liked who you were as an individual, not who you were by trying to impress/please other people. I also held resentment for the way you broke up with me the first time. Breaking up in a text while I'm working, while with your friends then turning your phone off while I bawled all night wondering what the hell was going on. Is it even possible that you ever loved me, I mean are you truly even capable of loving another person? I tried to always be there for you to the best of my ability, especially for all of the bullcrap with your dad, but truthfully you made it damn near impossible for me. I never said the right thing it seemed. I got the brunt of your anger every single time, and it wasn't fair to me any longer. This is not an attack on you, I am aware of the things I have done wrong and I am sorry for any pain I had caused you, but I think you need to understand the thought behind it. It's not because I'm heartless, it's not because I need to have control. I was just a very hurt person, and honestly we both know it wasn't going to get any better for us. We never actually tried to fix the problems. This experience has brought pain but also a lot of realizations too, which I have really needed. I truly did love you with everything I had, and although that's really irrelevant now, I am not going to act like it never happened. I have a heart, I'm sorry, and I guess if that makes me "crazy", so be it. We went through a lot together between our fights, our vacations, our families, our experiences in general, and I am grateful for every lesson learned. You were pretty much my best friend at the time, and losing that person I always went to was probably the hardest thing, but was clearly the most necessary and healthy option for both of us. We were just tearing each other down more and more each day we tried to stay together. I need to make this clear: I am not sending this because I want to be with you. Honestly I realized now how much better off we are apart, and being friends really never would have worked anyway. We were two ticking time bombs together, and since we never actually tried to get help to work our issues out, it was going to continually get worse. I appreciate the good times you gave me, I'm sorry for the low points, and I am not a bitter person anymore. I truly hope you are doing things to help yourself now, and becoming a happier person also. I really do wish you the best for your future and I am glad we are both freed from that path of destruction we were headed down. Link to comment
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