Social Sites making it harder for the average single joe?

[Dougie_D]

The reality is, that people want "the best of the best". That's the nature of our society and there is NOTHING wrong with it.

 

The problem is that ANYONE can reach out and try to contact with anybody that seems interesting. There are MORE CHOICES when picking a mate. Even if you don't do it, you actually see that there COULD be a connection.

 

It basically puts people in a situation where they feel like they can constantly find someone better. It glorifies a black book. You don't have to have phone numbers anymore. Not even e-mails. You just have to be on the same SOCIAL SITE.

 

Imagine yourself in a grocery store. You go to the same aisle to get a box of granola bars everyday. Now, all of the sudden you see different granola bars in a different aisle. You tell yourself, "well, maybe I should try out this granola bar, it's the same price but it's a different flavor." The process continues to happen until you feel SATISFIED that there will not be any new granola bars.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Basically it is like a kid in a candy store..."I want this, no wait, I want that, no wait, I want the other one etc". People have a short attention span because they keep looking around to see what else there is. It is like that in other aspects of daily life now...when they are out with friends, they want to be texting other people so their attention is not really on their current companion anymore. When they walk down the street, are at the checkout counter in the store etc, they are not living in the here and now, they are living on their electronic gizmos sending unimportant, not urgent, texts to others. Guaranteed when they get together with those people they are texting, they are no longer interested in them and are texting other people. People no longer care about what is in front of them, be it relationships or even friendships..they always want the one who is not currently with them..the one they can link to electronically. Living in the electronic world is easier to them than actually being face to face with someone. They don't know how to relate face to face.

[anya1607307555]

There are plenty of people who are fully capable of controlling their emotions/actions, seek out any one of them to date.

 

Dwelling on how those who do not share your perspective isn't helpful to you.

[timlondon]

I'm not sure what your complaint is about, do you feel that social networking make life one big popularity contest? To be honest the people who constantly update that stuff are probably the guys who are least secure and need external validation the most. Don't be those guys

 

On the other hand, if you're referring to online dating I kind of agree. If you're not successful at normal dating you're probably not going to be that much better off online. Rule #1 of online dating: be attractive

[Dougie_D]

I did include dating sites as a social site when I was writing this post. Yes! It has made everything a popularity contest.

 

I've seen people HOOK up just by using Facebook as well. It's kind of the same thing.

[90_hour_sleep]

think everything you say makes sense, dougie.

 

also agree with what anya said. it's ultimately your choice where you place your focus.

[bulletproof]

It's going to come down to how you choose to look at things. You could be living in a time when the population of your town was 200 people and you basically had no choice who to date. So now you have lots of choices. Use the technology to your advantage and view it as a plus instead of a minus.

[banal]

I agree with this, actually. On the one hand I find bulletproof's argument more appealing and persuasive rationally - in other words, it does not necessarily follow that more choices will make it harder for 'the average Joe.'

 

But on the other hand, that is not what I've seen and what I've heard. This is just one experience, so I'm not using it as evidence of anything, but it's an illustration of what I mean. A friend of mine dated a woman he had met online for three months. He finally asked her if she'd take her dating profile down. She said no, because she said - right to his face! - that while she liked him, she felt that she may have been able to do better, and she didn't want to shut down her options. Many people probably feel this way. Online, it's so easy. You log onto a site, and there they all are, your potential matches, available and ready to meet you at a moment's notice. IMO this convenience encourages that type of casual and commitment-phobic behavior. Why settle down with the good but not perfect guy that you met, when you can keep going out with guys, as many as it takes, until you're able to find the PERFECT one? People will say, "that is what dating is," but after a certain point, really it shouldn't be anymore. You decide that you like someone, that she's worth pursuing a relationship with, and you take a risk on her. All relationships are a risk in that sense - you could always do better, you could always find a better match, no matter who you're with. But you accept her as 'good enough,' and that's not defeatist language; in relationships where I was head over heels in love, I always knew, logically, that I could still find a better 'match.' And online, as the OP is implying, you just never need to get to this point if you don't want to anymore. You can date infinitely until marriage, basically, because you'll always be able to find someone willing to buy you dinner. He's Online Now.

[hausser]

I'm not sure what your complaint is about, do you feel that social networking make life one big popularity contest? To be honest the people who constantly update that stuff are probably the guys who are least secure and need external validation the most. Don't be those guys

 

On the other hand, if you're referring to online dating I kind of agree. If you're not successful at normal dating you're probably not going to be that much better off online. Rule #1 of online dating: be attractive

 

You mistook rule number one for number two, the real no 1 is "Be female."

 

Seriously though, it's shocking how much mail women get on dating sites get, literally dozens per day even if they are frankly slightly above average looking. If your a man the rule is, you need experience in what makes a profile work, a very flattering picture and if you dont have a good income, nice car and home, get good at fabrications.

 

Dougie, for once I am struggling to word my answer, but I totally get where you're coming from.

[MattW]

Eh... I don't know that it's a big concern that social sites allow people to "shop around". I know plenty of people that are into social sites like Facebook, Twitter, etc., but they've never met and started dating anyone through sites like that. I think the bigger concern is that these kind of sites allow people to get back in contact with exes, which could then rekindle something between the two, and cause problems if one or both is already involved with someone else.

[twentiesgirl86]

I don't know... maybe there is more of the shopping around on social sites, but I find it happens offline a lot as well. You just have more options with social networking. But if you're the type of person who goes to bars or parties a lot you'll find that there is a lot of shopping around there too. Here, it's very rare to find a dead bar downtown in the summers, or even spring and when it's still warm in the fall. And I am meaning during the week night, not just weekends. I am shy, but when I go out to bars I find a lot of men I would love to talk too, and then even better ones I want to talk to. Which applies to the grocery store theory. Maybe using bars isn't the best example because you're drunk, but my point is if you actually go out to social gatherings (and I do, it's hard for me because I am shy in crowds) you'll find a lot of varieties of people. Even in just my elevator I find that. Everytime I get on the elevator, there is always a different person or group of people. More people for me to shop around for. Or anytime I am waiting for a bus, or standing in line. People just find it easier to talk to each other over facebook or online dating sites I guess. For the record, I don't. I actually find it easier to talk to someone offline and so I'd prefer to meet a mate offline rather than online though I do online dating through facebook and sites dedicated to dating. I feel more comfortable when I can see face to a person. I know people put pictures up on dating sites, but it's more comfortable to see the face offline then online. Plus you know that is what the person actually looks like and they aren't lying about themselves.

[Dougie_D]

But the funny thing is, you can always meet people offline and I'm sure that you'll become friends on FB, right? How you actually meet the person is not the issue. It's really annoying because social sites have made it clear to people that we are on some sort of "list" to people and we are only hanging out when the people before us are not around to hang out. It makes me feel like I'm not valuable as a friend or anything.