advice please

[leah_mac]

all my life i have been having trouble with my dad.. he used to beat me and my sister until we were almost unconcoius..and when my sister finally moved out i got the full blow of it.. my mom was always too drunk to do anything.. or if she did try to help he would threaten to hit her.. and everytime it happened my mom would come in my room and tell me it would get better.. she said that when i was 3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10.11.12.13 and finally i realized i didnt have to take it.. i thought i was soo stupid for always beliving her.. but i just couldnt handel it anymore.. so i threated my dad i would call childrens aid if he laid one more finger on me.. hes still throws things at me or throes me up aginst walls but never actually hits me.. but the other day my mom said that if i didnt lose the attitude that she would hit me herself and if my father was there would tell him to do it... and that was about 3 days ago.. i think there tired of having me in the house.. cuz im deprssed and cut and smoke and lots of stuff.. i went to my gudaince couincler about it at school.. so now childrens aid is involed... but my mom warned me to tell them everything was fine or id be sorry.. i have talked to my parents about the way i feel countless times.. could someone please give me advice on what to do without causing the rest of my family too much greif.. and o yeah my dad was at anger management.. and it didnt work so thats no good.. anyways id appricate anything..please write me something.. byes

[justtwicethen]

You are in an abusive household and the situation will only get worse with time.

 

 

I hate to say this, but calling 911 (police) is the best option. Your life is in danger. This is the fact.

 

God is there. Don't worry.

[intheshadows]

Question: Do you have any support from other family members or friends where you can go to and perhaps live with if it gets really bad? What about your sister, is she willing to let you stay with her? You are so young, too young to be out on your own. You need a grandma or somebody who will take you under their wing.

 

I am so sorry you have such an abusive situation in the home, and a mother who seems only to care about herself. You sound like you are a strong person, and strength is what you WILL need. Do you have a church you can go to to talk to a pastor perhaps?

 

No matter what you think, you are a VERY precious person, who is VERY much worthly of being LOVED. And you are BEAUTIFUL too, a work of GOD.

[avman]

Tell childrens aid the complete truth. And tell them what your mom told you to say.

 

The fact that your mom told you to lie to them or you'd "be sorry" means that the abuse will continue if you stay in that house. Let childrens aid help you and if either of your parents hit you again call 911. Don't worry about causing grief to your family. They certainly aren't worried about causing you pain - and you do NOT have to take the abuse.

 

I'm so very sorry this is happening to you. Good luck and keep us informed.

[leah_mac]

well i think i can move in with my sister but she doesnt have much money.. so i dont know how she would support me.. plus her b/f is there and he doesnt even have a job.. do my parents have to give me money cause im so young?.. and i have told childrens aid and childrens services my principals and my gudaince counciler.. i think they think i do it for attention.. so i need to approach this in a way so it makes it look like i really need it.. and going to childrens services well i dont know.. i just dont want to do this whole thing wrong.. cuz if my dad found out i went back to child's services and they told me to go home or something.. im sacred of what he'd do or even my mom.. and i cant live with my grandparents because they live with me.. and my aunt lives close by me.. although she doesnt have much money either and she has a daughter my age.. and all my other relitives are at least a 3 hour drive.. i just wanna know if i should go back to childrens aid?.. would it look like im only doing it for attention?..thanx for the advice up above=)

[intheshadows]

Calling 911 sounds like a very good idea, or whatever your emergency number is in Canada, at the time you are being physically abused. Bruises make your story very, very real. But, it sounds like most of the abuse now that you stood up to him, and told him no more, is verbal, and harassment, things that hurt more emotionally but are hard to prove. If it helps any, I believe everything you have said, and don't see why children's services wouldn't believe you also.

 

I'm not that familiar with the Canadian children's protective services, and if it is similiar to what we have here in the states. But here, most of the time, an abuse case is investigated, but the kids are usually returned to the abusive situation if the parent promises to try and improve. It's sort of like a warning to the abusive parent. And if you are taken away from your household, and no relative can take you in, then you would probably end up in foster care, where it may be better for you, or it may be worse. In your case, you already have an investigation going, and that is a very good thing, Be very honest. Tell them everything. And also, if any of your relatives, the ones that live 3 hours or more away, have been nice to you in the past, ask them if they'd be willing to take you. If I knew a kid in a bad situation, I would love to have them stay with me.

 

Stay positive if you can. Look beyond the now, the hurt the pain, and see something you can look forward to, say when you're 18 and you can live any where you want and be anything you want.

[leah_mac]

thanx alot.. im gunna start takin self defense classes too=).. well im tellin child services there comin to my house in about a week

[sphtn]

Leah,

Those family members 3 hours away may be an option to look at.

That would get you out of your house... away from your dad... a new school... a fresh start so to speak... I mean... even foster care would be better than what you are having to face at home...

 

I am so sorry you are in such a terrible house. The cutting and smoking is something you may want to take a look at when you get to go live somewhere else. I am 35 and have smoked since I was 16. I have tried and tried and tried to quit... but I haven't been sucessful. Smoking is killing me and I still can't stop. I would hate for you to have to go through that as well...

 

It's your life Leah. You have to look out for you right now. Getting beat on at home, MAY effect the guys you date in the future. You may end up in an abusive relationship.

 

I wish you the best.

 

Shawn

[San123]

I was in a similar situation... I got most of the abuse when my sister left too (it started at about the age of 13-14)... it wasn't all the time but I got it from both my mom and my dad. I thought it was all ok because, its hard to explain, but I would go into a different "state of mind" when I was getting beat and I couldn't really feel the pain as long I was in this mind set (until the next day when I could barely move from being so sore.) But one day I got slammed down and hit my head really hard on the bathroom floor and when I woke up I didnt know what had happened but my head was bleeding and I had a terrible headache and was bruised up really bad. After that time I would take pictures of all of my bruises just in case I ever needed to report anything but I was too scared to ever do anything... thankfully now my parents dont drink anymore so they dont do that anymore... I never reported it because I felt like I was "bad" or deserved it although I hadnt done anything wrong... I'm out of their house now though.... definitely tell someone who will believe you or try and take pictures of bruises or something as proof..