MEE123 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 It's totally my fault that we don't talk because I blocked him because I thought we should move on because we kept running in circles.. All my fault. I messed up and pushed him away forever and now he's falling inlove with someone else. He's moved on and I'm not going to step in and ruin his happiness, so now I just have to sit and watch? Is that what I do? Just sit and watch the boy I love walk away from me? He's been dating this new girl since May, so it's obviously serious.. He's the one who dumped me, but he also tried to contact me after he dumped me, but I thought he was just using me as a rebound or something because his relationship after he dumped me failed, so I pretended to not like him and didn't flirt with him. We dated on and off for two years. I guess we were just never right for eachother? Has anyone else gone through this? Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Everyone has to go through this at some point post-BU. Why are you still aware of his whereabouts and relationship status? Link to comment
MEE123 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Everyone has to go through this at some point post-BU. Why are you still aware of his whereabouts and relationship status? Whew, you're totally right. I freaked out there for a little bit, but he's totally wrong for me. I think it just hurt to realize he was gone for good, but I'm okay now. It's hard to stop looking at his fb tbh. Any tips on stopping? ... Maybe I don't really love him, I just said it cause I'm feeling lonely. Link to comment
anxeo Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 watch him walk away? yea pretty much. not else you can do. i mean you initiated it not talking to him after he broke up with you, you had had your reasons to do so and you did. if he's been seeing that girl for this long then thats just the way it is. you dont have to be happy for him but you def must accept this outcome from the decision you made and move on. also, stop being interested in what he's doing. i know it may be hard but your causing your self harm with that Link to comment
MEE123 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 *sigh* I guess you're right. I guess I just expected it to turn out differently. Like, Idk what I thought, but I figured if I ignored him he'd want me back, but I guess he just basically ran the other direction.. A part of me is happy for him, but another part is hurting and still wishes he still loved me. I don't know how to stop being interested in what he's doing. I've visit his fb page and his gf's at least once a day. Link to comment
anxeo Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 *sigh* I guess you're right. I guess I just expected it to turn out differently. Like, Idk what I thought, but I figured if I ignored him he'd want me back, but I guess he just basically ran the other direction.. A part of me is happy for him, but another part is hurting and still wishes he still loved me. I don't know how to stop being interested in what he's doing. I've visit his fb page and his gf's at least once a day. wow thats really bad and borderline obsessive. i suggest blocking both their profiles on facebook. that way you wont even be able to type their names up and find them even if you wanted to. do that until you feel you've gotten over him completely, then when your ready unblock. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Whew, you're totally right. I freaked out there for a little bit, but he's totally wrong for me. I think it just hurt to realize he was gone for good, but I'm okay now. It's hard to stop looking at his fb tbh. Any tips on stopping? ... Maybe I don't really love him, I just said it cause I'm feeling lonely. I can't help you on the FB issue since I've been checking it periodically but you shouldn't really worry about who he's with. You might be doing it out of habit, like me. We used to FB chat everyday, at work, school, etc. So it's been really difficult to give that up. But as far as actually caring about who he's with? Not really, that's fading. Just give it time, get a punching bag, set goals, start dating, and you'll start feeling a lot better. Link to comment
MEE123 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 wow thats really bad and borderline obsessive. i suggest blocking both their profiles on facebook. that way you wont even be able to type their names up and find them even if you wanted to. do that until you feel you've gotten over him completely, then when your ready unblock. Yeahh I can get obsessive, not crazy obsessive, but like fb stalking, hhah. Anyways I can't see anything on either of their profiles.. just their pictures. I actually deleted my fb a month ago because I was reading wayyyy too much of their stuff and found out a lot of stuff I would have rather been in the dark about. So I'll just try and stop myself from looking. Fill my day up so I don't have time to look. Link to comment
MEE123 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 I'm not ready to start dating I don't think and I do have a punching bag, haha. I exercise on a daily basis.. I'm just waiting to get to college Link to comment
endy Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Read the guide at the bottom of my signature. He jumped from relationship, to relationship, to relationship. That's a red flag right there. He can't be alone. There's something deeper wrong with him. Seriously, go NC don't view his FB page anymore, heal, and move on. It's going to take some time. Start putting yourself on a pedestal instead of him. He has all the power over you now even though you're not with him. You need to take yourself back and know there's someone else out there. It's just one guy. Love is not obsessive either. Examine your idea of what love is in a relationship. True love consists of loving yourself (only then are you capable of loving another), looking deeply, having understanding, no pride, insight, and compassion. When you love someone you make them suffer and cause pain the least amount possible. You take care of that anger, pain, and suffering... also you help with theirs. Read that guide, it's a start, but go NC for at least 6 months. Get back on your own two feet again, confident, loving, and content with yourself. Date when you are ready and healed, not to get over someone else. Link to comment
ForumGuy Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 He was essentially gone for good when he dumped you and got with someone else. I know the feeling of having to reject contacts from the dumper....doesn't leave me feeling good for some time afterward. Link to comment
Carus Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 Hi MEE* Dont feel bad for doing what you did...If you hadn't of blocked him and gone NC you would have been running the risk of being dragged along as he weaned himself off you....and trust me, that's wayyy worse! With FB, even if we remove them, block them, whatever, if we are not strong enough we will find a way to snoop. I used to use a mutual friends account so ya know, it's too easy....Basically it comes down to will power.... However, I will say, you do it until you just dont do it anymore....Sooner or later you realise it just causes you pain and you start doing it less and less... I'm 2.5 years out now and for the first time in a long time I brought up her profile coz I was actually curious if she was even still alive..! I'm glad to say that even though I'm still aways from full recovery, it didnt make me feel much at all....So it can be used as a guage too as you move forward... Stay Strong MEE* Carus* 8-) Link to comment
MEE123 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Hey Carus, you're totally right. I blocked him in the first place because I didn't want a one-sided relationship with a disrespectful bf in the first place. There were good things about him, but the cons outweighed the pros. I guess what really made me have regrets was because my sister said plainly the other day, "At least I know I don't have to push my ex's out of my life," which was directed at me. It hurt when she said that.. but it was his choice to cut it off in the first place and he wasn't even nice after the break-up, so idk. I might be better off without him. Link to comment
MEE123 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 I think some people just heal differently. Some people can't be alone and instead of jumping into a new relationship immediately I decided to copy my other ex and wait things out. My other ex also told me once that if I didn't jump into another relationship right after it was also because I cared more. It's kinda true cause I'd want my ex to wait around a bit. If he had waited maybe things would have turned out differently. I chose the harder method of healing I think.. Anyways, I am happy being single and flyin solo. You say love isn't obsessive and you're right. A lot of those characteristics fit perfectly and I am sure I don't love him despite the fact that I do care. I'll read the guide.. Thx all! Link to comment
endy Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 No, not being able to be alone by yourself is a huge issue. It means you need another person to be happy. THAT in and of itself is an issue. True happiness comes from within. Jumping to another relationship does not allow you to heal, or grieve the loss properly. That creates depression and emotional baggage. Repressing feelings etc by getting under someone else to "heal" is an issue. Link to comment
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