Long-distance love(Her Male Friends)

[darrick72]

My girlfriend and I have been on and off for the past 4 years and almost all of the time that we have spent as a couple has been over long-distance. We recently reunited after 16 months apart and the past two months were cool. That is until the male friends starting popping up again. In the past 3 weeks, she has gone out with two guys that I know nothing about. She actually called the first one a date and when I got upset about it she later apologized and said that it was a bad choice of words. She went out to dinner with this guy she knew from high-school and was meeting some other friends later that night. If she would have just said that she was going out with friends from high-school, it wouldn't have been a problem. Then just yesterday after I expressed some feelings to her about a totally unrelated topic, she ends up questioning my trust for her and tells me that she went to an "open-mic" with some guy friend the night before. Well, that was enough for me. We've been down this road in the past. I am a soldier stationed in South Korea and I can not deal with my fiance going out on these dates with her guy friends every weekend. She says that they are innocent and that may be the case, but trust has it's limits and this is where mine begins. I told her to choose. Me or the dates. I understand that she has male friends, but I need her to conduct herself as if I am right there with her. Would they be around so much? Would she be going out with them all the time? Am I being selfish and possessive? Or, am I being realistic about our chances?

[Wildncrazzy4u172]

I totally understand where youre coming from. Me and boyfriend are in a long distance relationship at the time, and you know what? I don't think you're being selfish. In relatiuonships we have to sacrifice things, and her sacrifice should be not going on these little "dates" of hers. There was a point in my relationship with my boyfriend where I told him he could date other girls because I didn't think it was fair that he couldn't go out just because we can't go out together because of the distance. I didn't want him to miss anything, well i didn't want to keep him from doing things he wanted to do. But He loves me.. and he gave up going out on dates and going out and meeting girls because he loves me, and he knows that I'm worth the wait.. the same way your girlfriend should feel. If it means so much to you that she stop these "dates" then she should, no questions asked.. Don't feel like youre the one who is wrong here. Yes she can have her male friends, but the expression male friends only goes so far. If she isn't willing to give up her "dates" for you.. find a girl who would...

 

~Jenn email removed

[Gilgamesh]

It is strange that all she has is all these "guy" friends to hang out with every weekend. and doesnt seem to be hanging with female friends.

 

I wonder how she would feel if you were going out every weekend with a bunch of different girls.

 

What will probably happen is that she will continue to do this more and more until you get upset, then it will end, and she can blame the whole thing on you as being insecure and possesive, your the bad guy, and shes free to continue doing what she is doing.

[pennywise1]

Four years consisting primarily of a long distace relationship. Add to that 16 months withot seeing each other. Kepng a relationship intact in those circumstances sounds impossible to me. But alas, your not me. Here are my thoughts.

 

Lets not forget that this woman is your fiance and not your girlfirend. If she is ot aware of the difference, then you need to educate her on that.

 

She has a right to go out with her friends, whether it be men or women. And no one is aware of that better than sh is. But it sounds like she has taken advantage of that situation perhaps. Maybe she really does have no intentions with these men, and maybe she is fully committed to you, but she knows now that her actions are upsetting to you. If her feelings for you are as strong for you as they should be as your fiance, then she should be wlling to forgo these weekely outings with men. She may not call them dates, but what do you think that the men she goes out with sees them as?

 

She should be willing to make this sacrifice for you. the question is whether you will actually ask her to do that. You apparently have. I hope for your case that she does not feel your request unjust and complies with your wishes.

 

Trust ca be a very powerful emotion. Your trust in each other is what has allowed you to make this long distance relationhip work over the years. It would be a shame if trust, or shall I say lack of, is what is ultimately responsible for breaking it apart.

 

Just one more thing to consider. I am assuming that she is the one who tells you that she goes on these dates as opposed to you finding out through the grapevine through friends and such. If that is the case, and she really does have bad intentions or is not committed to you, why on earth would she tell you about them?

[Little_angel_in_your_shoe]

i was in this same spot. cept i was living with my ex came back to ny to visit and got into a severe car accedent. me and her were engaged at the time. least i thought we were but thats another story. anyways i was stuck ny for a while cuz i had to go threw court and all that and me and her deceded it would be eaasyer for me to stay up here insted of finding a way to go 12 hours everytime i needed court. well during this time and rehab to get better she started going out on things like this. i was told dont worry me and him are just friends. which was odd cuz he bought her things and took her to the movies and out to dinner but once again i stupidly trusted her. me and her started fighting alot on the phone and all that. about 8 months after the accedent i was well to visit her again. rode 21 hours on a greyhound bus each way to see her. i got there it was like she was distant. she woudlnt even hug me. now mind you i was engaged to her. i hadnt seen her in 8 months. i was so happy yet she woudlnt look me in the eyes or hug me? it broke my heart. things got bettter later that night. i only could spend a week with her cuz i had to have one last surgery on my arm from the accedent. that whole week her kisses wernt right. no passion. when me and her fooled around she seemed bored. she woudlnt hold me in bed nothing. i took her to the beach later that week. same thing. nothing. watch the sun rise over the ocean with her. still nothing. i went home heartbroken. then i get home she yells at me cuz i left her. she knew i had to have surgery. anyways 2 weeks after i get home she starts seeing that guy again. then she dumped me on my birthday a couple weeks later STILL saying they were only friends. got the ring back on the same day her and i started dating 2 years earlyer. *sigh* sorry dont know if that was much help but i had to get that off my chest *whipes a tear away*