5 months post break up - here I am - sorry for the novel

[Catchy06]

5 months post break up and today is the day I finally have her number blocked on Verizon, she's blocked on Facebook, and her emails forward to trash as spam. She doesn't know where my new apartment is... but she has a general idea. Over the course of 5 months I have been on this emotional rollercoaster of hating her, loving her, missing her, wanting nothing to do with her, blocking her number (in this cheap program i downloaded), unblocking it, calling her, she calling me.... just a rollercoaster.

 

Finally I had my mom block her number on the phone line and I don't have access to it... I won't have that changed. We've been talking quite often the past few weeks... her telling me all about her amazing hikes, and new friends, and great concerts, and baseball games she goes to. Then when it comes down to being serious and hanging out as friends and talking... I'm usually the one hesitant to hang out because I'll fall back to square one and I don't want to hear about how awesome her life is without me...

 

Found out yesterday the reason why she has been parking right next to my jeep every day and leaving notes on my door is because this guy moved here from our old college... moved 1600 miles away from home. She used to talk to him a little in college whenever we had our problems. He lives in the building next to me now... OUT OF EVERYWHERE IN THE STATE OF COLORADO- the building next to me. I get to see her parked there... I get to wonder what makes him better than me. Meditation is the only thing keeping me sane anymore. Doing p90x in my living room, texting friends, eating healthy...

 

I haven't cried... I haven't texted her begging to come back... not once in the entire break up... but one thing I never did was remove myself completely from her life. She called me about 2 weeks ago... she was locked out of her apartment... asked if she could stay with me... she was going to stay with her friend Tina but Tina said her and her boyfriend will be having sex????? (why even tell me this). What did I say? "Yeah sure come over..." Get a call 20 minutes later "hey actually I'm going to stay with my friend Tina... she lives closer to work (maybe a 5 minute drive closer) thanks for the offer!" click.

 

I need to go No Contact completely now. So many negative things going on and I had to type all of this out to remind myself that she's playing head games, pretends to be a nice person, but in actuality has no consideration for how I feel about anything. I admit I was depressed and clung on to her for support when we first moved to this state together 6 months ago.... but I'm a stronger individual now- supporting myself and building myself from the ground up ON MY OWN in a city with no friends. Now I have a job, new friends, a decent apartment, I've slept with 2 girls (they both know there was no emotional attachment), I'm working out, I'm hiking great mountains, I'm going out at least once a week and meeting fun people. I'm a STRONGER MAN and I will not force a friendship with a girl who can't treat me like an adult and have a conversation other than how awesome she is. "Oh you've heard of Boulder right?" ... I respond "Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot... I've been in Colorado as long as you have and we've been to Boulder twice TOGETHER.."

 

 

Ahhh venting. Thank you ENA. I love you all! I'm so grateful to have this site!