Complete and total lack of motivation?

[MattW]

I've come to realize that, deep down, I feel like I've pretty much given up on... well, just about everything. Education, career, friendship, romance, life in general, really. I've aimlessly been taking classes at community college for four years, now. I've been working a crummy retail job part time, mostly cashiering. Various issues prevent me from having much of a social life. Just a couple of years ago, I was still fairly hopeful of the future. I figured I'd make it through four years of college, get a bachelor's degree, find a nice job outside of retail, etc. But then I couldn't figure out what I actually wanted to do with myself. I had that basic "plan", but I never really nailed down the specifics. Even now, I'm not sure. I stuck to the computer field for most of my time in college, because that seemed to be the only area of interest I had, but none of the degree programs seemed like something I really WANTED to do. Right now, I've changed over to pursuing a business degree; I don't know how far that would get me, but it feels like a degree program I could actually see through to some extent.

 

Even then, though, I'm not super crazy about said business program. I've been looking over all kinds of degree programs, both those offered by my community college, and those at bigger universities, and nothing really catches my attention, or lights that fire inside me. I just feel like I have no real "passion" for anything, and without some kind of passion, I have no motivation.

 

I hate the life I currently have. I hate that I can't find a degree program that I really want to pursue, I hate that I have no qualifications to do anything other than retail or food service or whatever, I hate feeling so inadequate and "behind" everyone else. Everyone else I know seems to at least have an idea of where they want to be (and the motivation to take themselves there). One guy I know has gotten a job offer to be a news anchor on a local TV station. Another has already gotten an entry level position in computer engineering. This girl I used to have a huge crush on in grade school is now a teacher. Everyone around me seems to be moving on to bigger and better things.

 

I feel like I can't have those things, anymore. It's like I've already made up my mind that I'm just going to spend my life being a loser retail "lifer". Deep down, I feel like I don't even care anymore, and therein lies the problem -- I don't care. I don't have any motivation. I WANT to have a better life, but I feel so defeated that I've pretty much given up on the idea of having anything more than what I have now. At this point, I can't even picture myself being better off.

 

What, exactly, do you do when you've lost any and all motivation to do, well, anything? Is it even possible to motivate myself, make myself care, again?

[lukeb]

The thing that really strikes me is that you are feeling this way at your age. I didn't know what I was going to do with my life until I was 32, then I decided to apprentice to learn a trade. What you are going through is all perception, a belief that you are stuck in the rut that you are in now. You're not stuck but believing makes it so. You can take a break from college to figure things out. The courses that you took in the past are still going to be there for you to build on.

 

It is ok to do things just for fun, not everything that you do has to be career oriented, think about doing something active, something that gets your blood pumping. Having some kind of social life is at least as important as your career goals. This is your life, and as far as we know you only get one to live. Try to set smaller more easily obtainable goals rather than the big long term career goals.

 

Good luck

[MattW]

I'd be worried that if I "took a break from college", I'd have trouble motivating myself to go back, though, yanno? It doesn't help that I have a specific family member that would probably disown me if I quit or even took a break from college (they're already riding me for dragging my feet so long with completing college, and not having a "plan" for my life). Plus, college is like the only little bit of hope I'm holding onto to have something better; if all I had was my crappy retail job, I think I'd go insane. @_@

 

I think if I could get out of retail (and other similar jobs), I'd be a bit happier and relaxed, but I feel like I can't get out of retail until I finish college, and I can't finish college until I know what I want to do, but I just can't quite figure out what I want to do. It gives me a headache just thinking about it. -_-

[schultz]

i took 3 years out of school, went for 1 year, took another year off and am now going back no problem. don't kid yourself into believing you won't have the desire to go back. I'm only one year older than you.

 

I'd kill for retail.. i'm stuck cooking food to pay for school, you think retail is bad ? try being a cook.

[MattW]

i took 3 years out of school, went for 1 year, took another year off and am now going back no problem. don't kid yourself into believing you won't have the desire to go back. I'm only one year older than you.

 

Well, yeah, but like I said, I'm at a point where I have zero motivation to do anything. If I take a break from school, I can't guarantee that I'd be able to motivate myself to go back. I'm assuming you, personally, must have some kind of career or aspiration in mind, correct? That's what drives you to go back when you take time off. You're doing what works for you to accomplish your goals. Me, I have no goals. I feel like my future is one huge question mark. I don't know what I want to do, or where I want to be, all I know is what/ where I don't want, and that doesn't help me very much.

 

I'd kill for retail.. i'm stuck cooking food to pay for school, you think retail is bad ? try being a cook.

 

Perhaps, but that's a bit relative, wouldn't you say? I don't admit that some people might enjoy (or at least, not hate as much as I do) working in retail, but to me, it's just very frustrating, and very irritating. I'm not a fan of having to work directly with the public, because they're often rude, pushy, and/ or unappreciative. Not to mention, I've been stuck doing the same menial tasks at the store for three years, now, and despite management feeling I'm a good consistent worker, and despite the fact that I do try to push for "moving up the ladder" a bit (without rocking the boat too much, so to speak), they never seem to listen. Worse yet, when they do hire new people, they get to jump ahead of me and do the things I want to be doing in the store, even though they're no more qualified to do so than I am. It's just frustrating, because the customers are mostly idiots, and management doesn't seem to have any interest in letting me do less menial stuff.

[thejigsup]

If you don't feel motivation towards life at all, you have GOT to change things. I have always been passionate about life, relationships, career (whatever I am doing at that time), and school because that is what I made myself feel. You are in charge of your feelings, not some outside force. Take some time and rearrange your thinking. You are not stuck, you are just a little, shall I say it?, negative and uninspired. Get a move on and start living. You can do it! Your employers can feel your negative attitude and that is why you are not promoted

[turnera]

What do you want to be when you grow up?

[MattW]

What do you want to be when you grow up?

 

lol Sadly, I don't think I've ever had an answer to this question. I've just never known. I've always felt like I want to do... something, but I just don't know what. Nothing really seems appealing to me, at all, and I don't understand why.

[FathomFear]

lol Sadly, I don't think I've ever had an answer to this question. I've just never known. I've always felt like I want to do... something, but I just don't know what. Nothing really seems appealing to me, at all, and I don't understand why.

 

While it's a possibility that you just have no interests in anything, it's almost possible that this is clinical depression talking. If I were you I would speak with your doctor about your mindset and feelings. There may be physical or psychological issues here which need to be addressed.

 

Having said that, try not to forget that you're only 22. Heck, I'm almost 32 and still don't know "What I want to do" in an ultimate sense. I have had a solid paying job for the last eight years, but it is still just a "job" to me. I still have to pinpoint a true passion I wish to pursue. And I very well might discover that I will never find a "passion" in regards to my employment. My passion might be something I pursue on the side while I continue to take on jobs to earn my living. This very well might be your situation, as there may be no true passion for you which relates to a career. Happiness for you might involve finding a job which provides a decent quality of life while you pursue interests on the side.

 

So yeah, in the short term I would--

 

1) Speak with your doctor. You might be depressed which is worsening your problem.

2) Stop worrying about finding some ultimate purpose or goal as far as a career goes. Keep taking on jobs and pursue your interests casually.

3) Find out what interests you and try to network with other people who share similar qualities.

 

You have lots of time to iron out the large scale directions in your life as far as owning a home, marriage, etc. Right now you should just relax, stick out some feelers, and find out what motivates you.

[quirky]

I agree with the above posters that you are still young. Don't look at what all the people around you are doing because you don't really know how they feel. Maybe for them having money or being secure is more important than discovering what they really want to do.

 

Saying that, working in retail or with the public can be so draining. People will say 'it's your job' but is it really my job to be unaffected by every little remark and not speak up? It's not that customers are idiots but it is very difficult for us to stay enthusiastic after you've said the same thing 100 times. When I do too many hours at my job I feel that I have none of 'me' left because customer service is like acting, you are not you. And maybe that is affecting you from discovering who you are. Do you work full time? When was last time you took a holiday?

You can change things around and discover yourself more but you need to be more positive. Look at solutions and not lament on the problem. You know the problem cos you've had it for a while. Adopt an alternative way of thinking and look at articles on positivity.

[MattW]

1) Speak with your doctor. You might be depressed which is worsening your problem.

2) Stop worrying about finding some ultimate purpose or goal as far as a career goes. Keep taking on jobs and pursue your interests casually.

3) Find out what interests you and try to network with other people who share similar qualities.

 

I wouldn't be shocked if I am clinically depressed, but I doubt I could afford therapy or whatever the doctor bill would cost. Haven't even been to a doctor in ages, honestly.

 

As far as an "ultimate purpose", I guess I just feel like a career is really the only thing I can have to look forward to. My many issues with people will probably prevent me from ever having a strong group of friends. I don't have the right qualities to make for a good boyfriend/ husband/ father. The few interests I do have aren't things that can really lead me to something fulfilling. So, I sort of feel like I have to bank on having a career plan, so at least I have something to look forward to, yanno?

 

Do you work full time? When was last time you took a holiday?

 

I only work part time, so I don't get any vacation time. I technically could try to request a week or two off, but it'd have to be unpaid (and I kinda need the paycheck, unfortunately), and the managers kinda chew me out for asking for more than a few days in a row off, so...

[wheelerdealer]

Man I feel ya. I'm 26 working full time retail and it just gets old dealing with the public. It's exhausting (though less exhausting than dealing in food service trust me) Just remember that it could always be worse. I felt like you did at 22 and sort of still feel that way now. I think a lot of people feel that way. I used to think that everyone had it together except for me, but really everyone is struggling on some levels about identity and stuff. Someone told me once that no matter what your position in life, someone somewhere has it worse and someone always has it better. BUT for some actual action advice:

 

As far as a lack of motivation goes. I was just reading a thing on how to set goals with no motivation. It said to redefine what goals mean to you. They don't have to be career oriented or something huge like buy a bad*** car in a year. Just small stuff, like go for a walk or eat my favorite food today. Make a short list and just try to get one thing done that day. I think when you get your momentum going with smaller steps it will snowball into something bigger.

 

And for the doctor thing: (sounds like you could very well be depressed) I'm diagnosed with dysthymia which is a long term mild depression that can last multiple years if not treated. I'm actually going to be starting counseling soon and have access to a psychiatrist for free based on my lower income. I'm not sure where you live, but I'm in a smaller town and I found it. Do a little research in your area for mental health. If you just go in and deal with the paper work, show them a pay stub, you'll at least get to talk to a doctor and see if that's what you need.

 

It never really helped that people pointed out my age either, but you really are still young (me too hah!) Try and take some small steps. Best of luck!

[turnera]

The thing is, what you're feeling is VERY normal for someone your age. Not many people know what they really are drawn to at that age, that's what undeclared majors are for! All I knew at your age was that I wouldn't work in an office, lol. (ended up being a writer...in an office for 25 years now, lol)

 

Go to your college's testing department, and ask to take an assessment of what you like, what you're good at, what your interests are. It'll give you a general direction. Once you know that, Google some things in your area that cover those areas, and start making phone calls and ask if you can shadow someone, on your days off. I was going to be a physical therapist, until I shadowed one for a day and realized it was boring!

 

At your age, you need to actually experience different things to see what clicks for you. Since you're only working part time, start using your spare time and do this, until you catch a bug for something. Keep an open mind - it could be anything - radio, engineering, medical, gardening, sewing...who knows? You won't, until you investigate them.

 

Give yourself a year, while you continue to take your courses, to try on as many new things as you can.

 

And then, there's always Peace Corps or AmeriCorps - you can take a year off and do some good for the world, and while you're there, you can experience a lot of different things to learn what you like. And volunteering is the #1 way to start feeling good about yourself and feeling invigorated again. Here's a great link to find something, even if it's just on a small scale (plus it looks great on your resume): link removed

[FathomFear]

I wouldn't be shocked if I am clinically depressed, but I doubt I could afford therapy or whatever the doctor bill would cost. Haven't even been to a doctor in ages, honestly.

 

As far as an "ultimate purpose", I guess I just feel like a career is really the only thing I can have to look forward to. My many issues with people will probably prevent me from ever having a strong group of friends. I don't have the right qualities to make for a good boyfriend/ husband/ father. The few interests I do have aren't things that can really lead me to something fulfilling. So, I sort of feel like I have to bank on having a career plan, so at least I have something to look forward to, yanno?

 

I'm going to be brutally honest here, but you really just come accross as mopey and defeatist. "Ho hum, can't go to the doctor because I have no money. Ho hum, I've never be a good friend and likely won't be a boyfriend/husband/father, so the career is the only thing left to focus on. Sigh..."

 

I still stand by my initial thought that you likely suffer from major depression. I would find a means of seeking help. You owe yourself that much.

[MattW]

I'm going to be brutally honest here, but you really just come accross as mopey and defeatist. "Ho hum, can't go to the doctor because I have no money. Ho hum, I've never be a good friend and likely won't be a boyfriend/husband/father, so the career is the only thing left to focus on. Sigh..."

 

I still stand by my initial thought that you likely suffer from major depression. I would find a means of seeking help. You owe yourself that much.

 

Sorry, I dunno, I just... For as long as I can remember, I've been very pessimistic and negative, deep down. I don't even really know HOW to be "positive" and "optimistic" anymore. That just seems completely foreign to me.

[talo]

Try some little thing that you think moderately fearful and see how this helps 'bring you alive'. Build on this. Facing fear produces excitement, aliveness.

[turnera]

Sorry, I dunno, I just... For as long as I can remember, I've been very pessimistic and negative, deep down. I don't even really know HOW to be "positive" and "optimistic" anymore. That just seems completely foreign to me. doesn't mean that what you know or believe is the way you SHOULD BE. We are all products of how we were raised. You were raised with a negative outlook.

 

You can FIX that.

[RitaTrue]

Subscribing to this thread. I've had a problem with de-motivation for a few weeks now

[turnera]

The only person who can make that go away is YOU.

[MattW]

That doesn't mean that what you know or believe is the way you SHOULD BE. We are all products of how we were raised. You were raised with a negative outlook.

 

You can FIX that.

 

I understand what you're trying to say. But again, my problem is, I don't know HOW to "fix" anything. When you've spent most of your life having a negative outlook, it's hard to even imagine anything different. That's why when I get suggestions that say "Try to think more positively, be more optimistic, etc.", it doesn't register with me, because as bizarre as it sounds, I don't know how to do those things.

[anya1607307555]

Try some little thing that you think moderately fearful and see how this helps 'bring you alive'. Build on this. Facing fear produces excitement, aliveness.

 

This.

 

I also second the volunteering idea. Find a local voluntary agency, they will help you find something suitable. You can try several placements until you find something which excites you and wish to pursue further.

[MattW]

I'm not 100% sure what talo means by that, though. I suppose volunteering is an idea, but as completely selfish and horrible as this may sound, I have a preconceived notion that volunteering will basically be like having a job but not getting paid for it, and I just don't think that's the right mentality to have when looking for volunteer stuff, especially when most of it is often for a cause. Maybe I'm wrong, though, I dunno.

 

Just something to throw out there, too, but there are a couple careers I would love to have, but they're REALLY out there and are more like "rich and famous" scenarios that nobody ever really attains, than things I could feasibly do.

[anya1607307555]

Well, I don't wish to speak for talo but my thoughts are you should do something that scares you a little. Take yourself out of your comfort zone and note down your feelings. As another poster pointed out, you need to change something about your routine. Experiment.

 

Volunteering is 'like having a job but not getting paid for it' and so much more. I volunteer in a field that I also work in, so get to see it from both the statutory and voluntary sector. I've seen those who are there for the cause but just as many who use it for their own gain, it's not always perfect. But that happens in the workplace too. To me it wouldn't be a valid reason to not explore volunteering.

 

What are they? Anything is possible.

[MattW]

Well, for some reason, I'd really like to be in the entertainment industry. Maybe acting, I dunno. Of course, I don't have the right look for that kind of thing, anyway.

 

My biggest passion, though, is music. If there's one thing in life I find ample amounts of enjoyment from, it's music. I've been trying to learn to play guitar for years, now, but it hasn't been working out too well. Recently, I've been thinking it's be pretty cool to be a lead singer in a band. The kind of music I'd want to play, though, is a bit niche, so all the pieces would really have to fall into place for me to be able to even begin pursuing that kind of thing.

 

So, like I said, they're more like pipe dreams than realistic career moves. I just wish I could get into something that's more realistic, yanno?

[Docnar]

Dude, " customers are idiots and management is not concerned"? I have been fooling myself blaming people and situations... Then one day I took responsibility of my problems.. This my dear is the first step to self improvement.. I'll share a famous speech from Rocky balboa..

 

 

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!