be HAPPY!

[vicki88]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH TODAYS TEENS? i look around this site and i only see posts about teens ( and even adults) who are depressed. At the top of the page it says Enotalone You are not alone , however i feel as i am the only person who is happy. So this is to so I AM HAPPY! and proud of it? Why cant this be a universal feeling?

 

* Please note: I realize that some people do have it bad some times, but do they ever have a "good day"?

[DopeStar]

Nobody wastes their time posting here on the good days, they are off doing other things, like enjoying life.

[sisterlynch]

Hi Vicki and welcome to enotalone!

 

Yes there are many depressed people in the world. It should come as no surprise to you that teens and adults are sad and depressed.

 

Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain that allows for lower impulse control. That is why many of us feel compelled to come hear and read the stories of other people who feel sad and lonely and try and help them to live in peace.

 

Vicki, tell us, what makes you a happy person? Maybe we can hear your stories and get a different view of life.

[DragonSlayerX]

the reason we are depressed and sad is because there is no reason to be happy here in this world

[vicki88]

Yes sister Lynch,

Ill admit that some days downright suck, but it is everybodys personal control ( to a degree ) how to live each day. So when I wake up in the morning, i decide -> I will give myself 5 min today to fell like i have it the worst in the world. and then for the next 23 hours and 55 min. I get to be happy. I am a firm believer that there is a silver lining to every problem and i feel as though people are just living on the problem. You cause your self SO MUCH more stress but being cranky! Believe Me!

[Scout]

Regarding teens and depression, and other problems teens are facing today, has anyone seen the movie "Thirteen"? It's very disturbing - and grittily realistic. If you can take it, I suggest checking out this movie and seeing the "real world" out there for many teens (and parents).

[RayKay]

I am going to say that a lot of people come here when they are down (either due to clinical depression, or due to certain life events) and being "happy" is not the easiest thing in the world to do. When I was in my teens I suffered depression, and it is not something so easily snapped out of. Since then, I have dealt with illness, death, bad break ups, all very close to me, and while I am a generally optimistic person, in those times it can be hard to just say "I am going to be happy" Honestly, I have met some people who are ALWAYS happy, and either they are faking it and you can tell, or they are coasting through life, or they have not had anything actually touch them to the depths that would require them to feel other feelings as well.

 

Sadness is just as much a part of life and who we are as happiness is. And you must give time to the full range of emotions to truly live. I let people into my heart, thereforeeee sometimes I will also face sadness as much as happiness. My $0.02 worth

[unforgiven]

feeling's sometime's get botteled up in side weather you no it or not and it's hard to get them out . some of us are not alone true but some of us are . duality of man we all need someone to hold to care for and sometimes even get set rigth if it were . meening that we all need this one thing in are life weather we know it or not we all are looking for this .

just that many pepole don't have it so easy as other's some pepole are even driven mad by this feeling of being alone . hope this bring some ligth to the subject.

 

unforgiven

[Scout]

Also, most people find eNotalone via web searches when they are unhappy about a problem they have, or an issue they want to discuss. I'm curious what brought the original poster to eNotalone?

[sisterlynch]

We all have different ways of dealing with our problems. Some of us bottle up our problems, and seem to think that we don't have any problems, some of us are aware of our problems and still seem to go forward and pretend like we don't have any.

 

But, no, Vicki, I didn't say that it is ok to purposefully be cranky, but you never answered the question, hun!

 

I asked you what makes you happy, not how do you create anger or hostility in others. hummm...

[Cloud802]

Wow, two pages.

 

Anyway, I'm happy, but I wasn't always happy, used to cut, I look back on that and think, "Yuk, did I actually do that to myself?"

 

It all depends really on how you deal with emotions, you can keep saddness and anger bottled up and turn into a ticking timebomb, you can act like you don't have any and end up pouring all your emotions out to one person(perferably a spouse) or you could try to fix it, which is what I do. If somebody is sad enough to where they can commit suicide then they're not dealing with life too well and they will probably need help.

 

As I said before, I used to cut, brutally too, and it went on until I stood up like a decent person and went to face my problems, no matter how bad. There's my worthless opinion, seeya later.

[Spirits Away]

But many people do have a reason to be depressed. There's around 30% of the people i talk to are somewhat depressed. It's not, like some psyc guru say, living a life of wanting to be important so they live by their problems. Unfortunately, they've probably never really experience what real depression is like, so they say that. However, some people are really living it up and they are really contagious with their excitement in life. So if you're one of those people, then i sincerely think you're doing a great job by keeping the world a happier place.

 

Just keep in mind that some kids, would go back home from school just like the rest of the kids, but one thing that's different about them is that they have stressed parents who would yell at their kids every single day without holding back for their own sake just so that they can release stress. Sometimes the kids might be depressed in school for whatever reason, and they go back home, then another battle begins.

 

Another thing about depressed teenagers is that parents never created opportunities for the kids to have social life and success factors. Parents, after raising the kids till they're in elementary school, never take the time to educate them at all. They expected the kids to go to school, make friends, and go to a good University. There's absolutely no effort on their parts other than providing food & shelter for them. If the kids ended up without any social life or that they fail highschool, the parents will blame the kids for it by saying that there is something wrong with the kid's personalities and that YOU'll be working at McDonald for the rest of your life if you don't smarten up a bit. But just think, if the kid never had an opportunity to develop what's necessary, how do you expect them to have good social skills or read books? Perhaps some may say that it's their lives and they should be responsible of their own lives. Well, being a responsible adult is definitely a good thing. But I remember learning what that word means when i was 17. All of a sudden, everything just comes at you. By the time i realized what the word meant and are actually consciously aware what i'm doing, BOOM, I've already failed grade 12. Responsibility should be slowly developed. The earlier the better. Without guidence, children will not talk about being responsible and get good grades, or even get good friends for that matters.

 

So if there are so many of these parents raising their kids, how do you not expect them to be depressed? There are many unfortunate things that happen in the world. But the things we see or can do is very limited. You've also mentioned "personal control". I would really question how high an EQ a kid would have if their parents have low EQ. Nevermind controlling their own emotions.

[zombie king]

I am generally depressed because .....

 

My few friends are all gone.... and I can't make new ones because I'm always tired and either at work or at home and I'm not good at meeting people.

 

My one goal in life was to be a comicbook creator,... but that can't happen now because the market is always shrinking and I'm too tired from work to even draw anymore. I have to work because I need to pay for my car that I use to drive to work in. I'm also supposed to be able to support myself,.. but I can't get a good job because I'm bad at math,.. I'm lazy,.. and I don't even care. I don't like to try. If I meet the smallest bit of a challenge I give up.

 

I feel directionless. I have nothing to aspire to. My job makes me feel like a failure. There is no job that I can not hate. No job is worth the money.

 

I feel pointless and that life is just one big pointless struggle. If survival is even an issue, then that's not a life worth living. I have nothing to look forward to.

 

I lose track of what day and month it is because every day and week is the same and life flies by with me not going anywhere. 2001 seems like last week.

 

I cry to sleep most nights just because I know I'll have to go through another day,... and that I have no place on this planet.

 

All day everyday at work I'm constantly thinking of what pills to overdose on,.. where to do it,.. on what day,... and what to write on the note.

 

If I can't stand the basic requirements of life,... then why do it? I am at least in control of whether I live or die.

 

I know there are people who have it worse than me. People who are starving and living in a war zone and all,.... that doesn't make me appreciate anything. All I know is that I H A T E everyday.

 

That's why I am generally depressed. Sometimes on the weekend I'll play videogames or watch movies and I'll forget my life and I'll have a brief moment of joy. But then I'm actually brought to tears when I do remember who I am and what I'm doing.

 

 

 

[Stinkweed]

I may be talking just for myself, but even though right now I feel like crap, and all I want to do is hang myself, I've seen plenty better days... So, I guess I do have good days, even though they're very rare...

[aireyc]

I'm known as "happy man", is that enough?

 

Chris

[vicki88]

Zombie King, I truly do feel sorry for you and your situation, but dont be so depressed, every morning, you wake up, youdont have a deadly disease, you can see the sun, you can breath! BE LUCKY! there are so many people who a living in hospitals and who will never see the light of tomorrow!

PS: (I'm not saying that this site isnt a great one... but) Zombie king, instead of posting here, type up your resume and distribute it to your desired places of work. If you don get a job, realize, if just for one moment, the A) NO ONE can make you feel inferior without your consent...

AND

B) TRUE PLEASURE WILL COME FROM HARD WORK !

and...

Sister Lynch, why I am so happy is because today,

My grandmother who has cancer called me and i said i loved her

I saved my kittens life,

I woke up to a messy house. BUT I DONT CARE! I HAVE A HOUSE!

I gave a homeless man $5 to get lunch

I HAVE IMPROVED THE LIVES OF OTHERS!

We as a society have become so consumed with having EVERYTHING! The root of some peoples depression is their need to have everything. When in reality, all we need is each other. MAYBE if those who self diagnose depression would smile more, life would be eaiser. Laugh at the little things.

[vicki88]

PS: What brought me to eNotalone.com my desire to improve the lives of others

 

Cloud 802: Trust me your opinion was not useless, it was actually insightfull. THANKS!

 

Chris: I'm glad to hear that you are happy... and hope you always will be

[shes2smart]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH TODAYS TEENS? i look around this site and i only see posts about teens ( and even adults) who are depressed. At the top of the page it says Enotalone You are not alone , however i feel as i am the only person who is happy. So this is to so I AM HAPPY! and proud of it? Why cant this be a universal feeling?

 

* Please note: I realize that some people do have it bad some times, but do they ever have a "good day"?

 

Nothing's "wrong" with them. You don't state your age, but I'm guessing you're looking backwards at your teen years, as am I. Maybe you don't remember what it was like being that age...or maybe you're one of those lucky people who had a healthy, close, loving family and had a good high school experience. Depending on how much time has passed since your teen years, your memory may be a little fuzzy.

 

I've been keeping a journal since I was 12. I can go back and read about that time in my life in ALL its horridly vivid detail in my own handwriting. Looking back through my 40 year old eyes now, I can't fully remember WHY those things were so upsetting then, but it's very obvious from my handwriting and tear-stains on the pages that it was.

 

It's easy to sit here with 40 years of life experience and say that happiness is a choice and misery is optional (as my sig. says), because you and I both know that to be true. For the vast majority of younger folks (say, early 20's and under), they just don't have the life experiences to put things into perspective. That time of life creates a unique sort of tunnel-vision...time passes incredibly slowly....and it honestly feels like things will never get any better.

 

When I was in my teens, depressed and suicidal, I had PLENTY of adults tell me I had nothing to be depressed about, about how wonderful life was, blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. It fell on deaf ears for the most part, because I KNEW they couldn't possibly know the hell I was living in. Now I find myself on the other side of that age fence....it's kinda like that Twilight Zone episode where the lady on horseback tries to warn a younger version of herself about something....but her younger self just sees this crazy, deranged harridan chasing her and runs away.

 

Oh, GAWD.....I made a reference to a TV show that was on well before a lot of people who visit this board were even born.

 

Anyway, my point is I don't think there's anything more "wrong" with this generation's teens than there was with my generation. I didn't have the Internet back then, so my scrawling was done in private in my journal. Had I had this outlet back then, maybe I would've come here instead, who knows?

 

From a purely physiological standpoint, there are so many chemical changes going on in one's body in one's teens and early twenties--it's no wonder they might be a little psycho. I really think that's a big component of it....you have all those hormones racing around in your bloodstream, you have that whole puberty thing happening....it's bound to mess with your head. Add to that the spectre of the uncertain future (what am I going to do for work? will I go to college? -- and that's just for starters) and even someone from a healthy, functional family is apt to go haywire for at least a little while.

 

The transition to adulthood is something we all have to go through. Some people make it through easier than others, and some have a particularly tough time with it. If posting on this board and reading other people's posts helps those having a tough time, that's cool. It's something I didn't have when I was that age, and I wonder how things might've been different for me if I did have something like this.

 

It's purely an academic sort of wondering...I've reached a point in life where I can look back at everything I've gone through and say it was worth it...If I hadn't been there then, I wouldn't be here now....and I love where I am and who I am now.

 

~s2s

[vicki88]

Dear Shes2Smart, I cant agree more with your quote at the bottom of your post!

 

MISERY IS OPTIONAL!... so why are teens choosing misery, which will in turn make them grumpy and a pack of bears to contend with when they have the option to be happy? It may be a hard road to deal with to get to the point of being "HAPPY", but doesnt it seem worth it. AFTER ALL, the miserable people dont like their situation, do they!?

 

PS: Im only 15 ...... but im flattered that you think im older... i guess

[nomore]

You'll tell that to me who is looking for a job in the last 4 weeks, not getting any interviews, and for sure no one wanting to hire me. Put yourself in that situation and you will get a pretty depressed person.

[ck]

* Please note: I realize that some people do have it bad some times, but do they ever have a "good day"?

 

No next question.

[vicki88]

Dear nomore,

Thank you for posting. If you dont mind, i would like to share a personal experience. I'm only 15, so my job isnt too glamorous however I'd like to tell you about my father.

My dad and mom own a farm in a rural community. He was a trained carpenter who loved his job. He owned a VERY successful business. HOWEVER.... do you think it was always like that. Well if you do, your mistaken. He had 7 other jobs before he was even employed for someone else in the carpentry trade. He didnt have it easy, but he made it. I tell people this story because of its moral.Things will be bad and you may have to have different jobs, even at a job that you dont like. But PLEASE try to look at the bright side, (ive said this before lol!) but you can breath, walk, and see. Take the time to realize that material possessions wont always make you happy. Knowing that you have the ability tokeep trying may be a greater reward than having something handed to you. It will make you appreciate what you have that much more.

[RayKay]

While I think it is great that you can just "choose" to be happy, you have to realize that many people CAN'T - there is an actual chemical imbalance going on - whether due to puberty, or due to heredity or whatever. It is not always a choice.

 

I am now 25, and can look back past and present, and still remember how much I went through sometimes. Sure I was generally happy, but I also know I faced so many hurdles that really challenged me to be so. And I was not "falsely" happy, I just had faith I would get through it - big difference.

 

From the time I was about 7 or 8, I had to take care of my younger siblings as my parents were divorced and my mother went back to university and was working, I had to really miss a lot of my social life as a result, and after that often had a hard time just throwing myself back into it - I remained independent, internalizing my own problems.

 

In my teen years, I dealt with depression and anorexia after some traumatic experiences. I did not recover from that for a while. I was still trying to figure out who I was (and still am!). I went from being very smart, dedicated to my work in high school to feeling aimless in university, still had great grades and worked very hard, graduated with Honours, but no idea what I wanted to do. And I still don't - that can be very frustrating! I discovered I liked being a student, not an employee!

 

At 22 I lost my boyfriend of almost 5 years suddenly to a massive cerebral hemorrhage. He was only 25. It taught me to live every day to the fullest, but also put me into false happiness for a while to cope. I felt like a widow at 22.

 

Not long after, in part due to my "coping" with his death, I lost my job. Since then, I have had little desire to work - I do (was unemployed about two months) but I feel aimless, and worry due to that I will lose another job. All I want to do is play - ride my bikes, do my art but wish that there was someway I could do that and get paid for it!

 

I REALLY want to go back to school, but have no money. I am in great debt from last time, don't make all that much, and have rent and bills to pay. I am happy, but it is tough sometimes. I wish sometimes for a miracle! I have discovered real life is not all it is cracked up to be...I have a great apartment, furniture, bikes...but also a lot of debt. I don't own a car, it is tough to afford going out, travelling, etc. Even groceries some day! Financial stress often impedes happiness.

 

My bf recently broke up with me due to commitment issues, etc and it has been hard to deal with (and why I am here) because I love him dearly and with all my heart. I have faith we will end up back together for some reason, and I can think positvely, but not necessarily always be happy about it! It can be frustrating sometimes dealing with his behaviour as well!

 

To this day, and this is not someting I would admit to anyone I know personally, I suffer eating disorders, though I am extremely active in cycling. In fact, I am almost obsessive compulsive about working out which in itself is frustrating!

 

So, all this would make it sound as if I am depressed if I put it all here. But I am not believe it or not! I am doing okay, I know who I am, that I am strong and I have a lot of faith too. I have overcome a lot. Sorry that I don't believe that "being happy" just like that can make me the person I am or want to be. I am genuine, and give my emotions their respect.

 

I can be happy all the time and fake it, or I can be positive and be true to myself. I am positive and true. I have bad days, but most of them are great days and I would not take back anything that has happened to me (okay, except with my current ex!) because they have made me who I am. Some days are neither there nor here - I coast as life is too busy to even think sometimes about just being happy! Does that make me unhappy? No. I have great times, a great family & people in my life. Just because I am not ALWAYS happy, does not mean I am not positive, but you cannot just "switch" happiness on - not always, not for everybody.

[sisterlynch]

I am really proud of you that life is so rosy for you right now, maybe you are a rare person to be so happy at the age of 15. You are lucky to have a good life that makes you happy.

 

It is a little simplistic to say to someone who is "cutting" or threatening suicide to just be happy. But, go right ahead, be careful though!

[shes2smart]

Dear Shes2Smart, I cant agree more with your quote at the bottom of your post!

 

MISERY IS OPTIONAL!... so why are teens choosing misery, which will in turn make them grumpy and a pack of bears to contend with when they have the option to be happy? It may be a hard road to deal with to get to the point of being "HAPPY", but doesnt it seem worth it. AFTER ALL, the miserable people dont like their situation, do they!?

 

PS: Im only 15 ...... but im flattered that you think im older... i guess

 

Everyone is at a different point in their personal growth and consciousness. Each of us is right where we are supposed to be at any given moment. You have to accept people where they are at, and meet them at their level. If they are not ready and/or not able to move forward, you cannot force them to do so. The more you try to force them, the more they will shut you out.

 

You wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg to "walk it off", would you? In much the same way, you can't tell someone with a broken spirit to "be happy." Some may physically be unable to--in the case of those with biochemical imbalances, others may not know how, others may be too afraid to risk trying something new for fear of failing.

 

For the most part, people only change when they reach a maximum level of discomfort, and everyone has a different tolerance for pain. We tend seek out the familiar.....even if the familiar is crappy. Because the familiar is known we know what to expect...if we try something new or make different choices, there is always the risk that we may end up somewhere worse and that fear is what keeps a lot of people stuck in place. (Or dating the same type of person over and over, or getting into similar situations over and over)

 

Focusing on the negative (or "what's wrong") in the environment was a good trait to have early in human history when seeing something amiss (i.e. "there's a tiger over there and he looks hungry") could mean the difference between life and death. Those of us who are here today evolved from those early humans who had better negative radar detectors. The ones who didn't have good negative radar detectors probably wound up as dinner for some critter. It takes a lot of re-learning and re-programming to start focusing on the positives around us instead of the negatives. Our brains generally aren't wired that way. Even if someone's lucky enough to be born with a generally postive temperment, the environement around us continually points out the negative. Unless you don't watch any TV or read any newspapers or magazines, you can't help but be innundated with negativity.

 

Example: Did you hear about all the airplanes that landed safely and on time today? No? Well, quite a number of them did. If one had crashed today, would you have heard about it? Yes, and probably multiple times if you turned on the TV or a radio, or spoken with someone who had.

 

Yes, anyone can choose to be happy. Like most spiritual truths it sounds simple on the surface, but in actual practice can become very complex.

 

best of luck to you,

s2s