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Should I be worried that him and ex are close friends?


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Anyway, I guess I am one of those people who are uncomfortable with having a bf's ex around...I feel like he should have told me from the beginning that he's so close to his ex that he works right beside her...I feel almost like I was lied to, and right now, I prefer not to have to deal with trust issues with another guy.


You will see pretty soon what this means. It could be that she calls and texts him a lot. Or it could just be they talk when they run into each other at work. No way to know. He may have hidden some of their communication from you until he got this out in the open, so you will see pretty soon what is going on. I'd just wait and see. Could be nothing to worry about.

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If you're being up front with the person you're with, then you should have no reason to be offended. It's not like she'd be barking your house down, she'd just be asking for GP.


And second, it's a whole different ball game between regular platonic friends, and a ex-girlfriend you spent 4 years of your life that you haven't even NC'ed out of your life. If there's no NC, or even limited contact--then there's STILL some sort of an unspoken relationship going. Period. Or, one of them would try to move with their life.


I'm not saying she should do a federal background check on his life. But, frankly, since the relationship is just starting, she needs to know if this budding relationship is what she wants, after the pink tinted glasses fade.


I disagree with your assumptions. I know of many examples where long term exes are platonic friends. One of the reasons I ended things with the guy I dated right before I reconnected with the guy I ended up marrying was because he would ask me questions like "what do you mean by good friend" after less than a month of dating. If she doesn't trust him she shouldn't be dating him but asking someone to explain what he means by "good friends" especially in the getting to know you stage likely would be offensive and just convey wayyy too much insecurity too early on.

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I think your suggestions to meet with his ex and befriend her are good, but again, I just feel like this is all unnecessary drama for me....why do I have to meet one of his friends to evaluate how much of a threat she is to the relationship?


That's not why people are suggesting you befriend her. I think that suggestion is made because you might actually like her, because obviously if he liked her and he likes you, there is potential for a decent connection. It doesn't have to bring drama to the situation. If anything it should reduce the potential for drama, because you won't always wonder what she's like, what their friendship is like, etc. I guess I am just a big fan of keeping an open mind when this type of stuff comes up. People are just people and I've never regretted being open to new situations.

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